Question for the board!

C

CastleCrest

Joined Aug 2004
2K Posts | 1+
OK, a friend of mine says a guy I know was at his house talking
badly about me - what he was saying wasn't very nice.
Now this guy (the one talking bad) was supposed to come to my house next week for a cigar party I am having.

Would you let him come over -?
The people coming over are freinds that we both hang out with.
I am sure he is coming over to hang out with them & not me - but
still it's my house - and even though the party is open to a lot of friends of both of ours - I feel like telling him to not show his face here ever again!

What would you do?
 
Have him over, treat him like a prince. Let him smoke your finest cigars, eat your best food, and drink your best spirits. Give him these things in a cheery spirit. Then, as the party wears on, don't hang with him too much, but don't make it obvious that you are not hanging with him. About a couple weeks after the occasion is over, let someone get the word to him that when you had your party, you knew all along what he had been saying about you. I guarantee you'll never have to be bothered with him again.
 
Nice Bloofy, good suggestion.

CC, also, I would hate for you to "un-invite" him and find out later that something got lost in intranslation between him, your other friend, and you.
 
I would call him out on the carpet right now. You don't have to be confrontational about it, just tell him what you heard. Usually when someone is talking BS, they are jealous of you. Maybe he is jealous of your castle, cigars, wife or just perhaps your whole lifestyle.
 
Unless you're sure about what was actually said and the context in which it was said, it wouldn't hurt to ask the guy about what he said and why. Then he'll know where both of you stand and you can decide which way to go.
 
Castle, invite him over and make him a cup of "dumb and dumber" tea. Hilarity will soon commence.
 
First thing that comes to mind is "Keep your friends close..and your enemies closer".

But in real life I would have him to the party and at an opportune time I would let him know what you had heard. I agree with Capt - no need to be confrontational - hey, it could have been a misunderstanding. Could be a good way to iron things out.
 
I say be the bigger man; but let it be known what you do know. Also, get confirmation from another person on what was said at said other party.
 
Tough call, go with your gut feeling. While I don't condone talking behind someones back, I have been guilty of this. Although I am not in the habit of accepting invitations from people I don't respect. Something that bothers me, when this person was speaking poorly of you, did the other people present defend you? I ask this because if the person who told you about this was there when the words were said, (A) he should have defended you, and (B) the guy speaking the derogatory words may have thought they were in confidence. (C) Telling you of this conversation, could be an act of talking behind the other guys back. (D) The derogatory comments could have been misinterpreted or exagerated.
I hate rats as much as I hate disingenuousness. All that said, I would probably confront those involved before the party. I would want to clear the air and avoid inviting an enemy into my home.
 
Thanks Guys!
I'll post more later need to run -
went skiing for 2 hours this morning and have to get some stuff done.

(Yes friends defending friends
and they guy admits to saying what he said!)
 
Something like this happened to me, once. A friend told me that this girl (who I barely know) was talking smack about me. About a week later, I saw her at a bar. I asked if I could talk to her outside. And, face to face I asked if what I had heard was true. It was true what my friend told me. I called her on it. I told her if she had a beef with me- talk to me. I kept a cool head. She apologized. Done.

I don't talk about people and I demand the same respect. If after you talk with this guy and you feel like he doesn't respect you then, repectfully tell him to stay the $#@% away from you and your home.

Good Luck.
 
If he admits to what he said, he obviously believes it. He can hang out with the mutual friends at another place. I am not bring some dude who talks crap about me into my house just so he can hang out with guys who are friends of his as well as mine.

I do agree with Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. But, I'd just tell him that if he's not fond of you that you don't see any reason he would want to come to your house. I'd guess he would agree. If he knows that you know he's talking crap and he still shows...that's all you need to know about him and even your friends gotta think that's messed up.

Do you have a dungeon in that castle?
 
let him come over, treat him no different and call him on it in front of others.
 
RingMaster said:
Do you have a dungeon in that castle?
Click to expand...

Amongst other things!

OK the plot thickens - after asking him why he said what he said - his reply is he doesn't like some of the people I hang out with.
He said he thinks I am one of the good guys in the group,
but most of my friends are A$$****s -
there are some people he likes but most are not his type of person!

What do I say to that?
 
Invite him over.....
Then punch him in the face!

That just may be the Marine in me talking!


Seriously, I'd still invite him but still letting him know that the people he doesn't like will be there as well so it's up to him to come over. However, if there's a problem, he'll be the first to go.

Just my two cents.
 
the way i see it there's two ways to deal with that. he don't like your friends, he can keep his mouth shut or deal with it. now, i think a lot of times guys make comments and don't realize how important your friends are to you. nobody is telling this guy to be friends with every other friend of yours. sure it's nice if he can be civil towards them, but he doesn't have to like them.

but the real poroblem as i see it are the comments that this guy made. he shoudl've brought his concerns to you or just keep them to himself.

i hope this all works out for you.
 
Thanks!
Really I am not to worried - My friends are all good friends!
At least those I keep close with -
I am truelly blessed as far as friends go -
I have mor ethan I have fingers and toes & to me that is all that really matters.
I have a great wife & 3 dogs that all Love me!

What more could a man ask for?

One less trouble maker seems like a win to me!

Again Thanks to everyone taht took the time to reply!
CC
 
CastleCrest said:
He said he thinks I am one of the good guys in the group, but most of my friends are A$$****s -
there are some people he likes but most are not his type of person!
Click to expand...
Do you believe him? Is he worth all of this trouble? There are a lot of people in this world. We don't have to be friends with everyone. The people I call friends are people I love and respect. Everyone else is an acquaintance. Stick with your friends. This guy needs to earn your respect if he wants to be in your company.
 
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