# Top Ten Reasons: Why I Can't Keep My Pipe Lit



## Mister Moo

10. Tobacco is wet , gooey or won't poof out a bit after pinching it. Nobody ever ruined a pipe or a smoke by stuffing it with tobak that sat out for 30-60 minutes before smoking.

9. Tobacco is STILL too wet. Some of it is wet AND loaded with PG and seems to never dry out. Put a bowlful on a paper towel and leave it under a lamp for a while.

8. Tobacco is STILL too wet - I am starting to feel like a fool; you feel this because the tobak bubbles and burbles and drools down your throat, especially in the second half of the bowl. OK - it's wet. No doubt. Swab that sucker out with a pipe cleaner as often as it gurgles. Using a pipe cleaner during a smoke is not dishonorable. Einstein used pipe cleaners.

7. You have packed that pipe WAY too tightly. If you draw on a newly loaded unlit pipe and you need the same amount of suction it takes to suck-start a Harley thru the exhaust pipe then the pipe is packed too tightly. This situation becomes worse if THE TOBACCO IS TOO WET. You draw hard and the pipe won't stay lighted. Give it up - dump the bowl and start again. Don't even mess with the spike-thingie-hole-poker on the multi-tool - it isn't going to work for you now. If you try to keep this bowl going you will pull the blood from your facial cheeks (if packed too tight) and then from your butt cheeks (if too tight AND too wet). If you persist your tongue will soon hurt; your head will implode 10-minutes later. People have made videos and written whole paragraphs about pipe-packing. Just let it be loose enough to draw easily before you set fire to things.

6. You have packed the pipe WAY too loose. After reading #7 this must seem cruel. If the burning bits of tobak don't make good contact with one-another then they won't pass combustion downhill as you draw. Try a little tamp to snug things down a bit then relight and see what happens - do this little by little until you get the feel of a successful pack.

5. Your pipe has a large, third hole in it.
4.
3.
2.
1.

I think there are only five reasons why it won't stay lighted and, actually, that boils down to just two things (wet or packing problem). EPS's can add more reasons if they know of them. Accidentally stuffing banana pulp in the pipe is not a reason.


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## muziq

My offering for:

4. What pipe? This is a CIGAR in my hand, you twit! :r


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## Mad Hatter

Others might disagree but I'm a firm believer in an airway that will pass the extra fluffy pipe cleaners.


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## Mister Moo

Mad Hatter said:


> Others might disagree but I'm a firm believer in an airway that will pass the extra fluffy pipe cleaners.


i.e, #4?

10. Tobacco is wet , gooey or won't poof out a bit after pinching it. Nobody ever ruined a pipe or a smoke by stuffing it with tobak that sat out for 30-60 minutes before smoking.

9. Tobacco is STILL too wet. Some of it is wet AND loaded with PG and seems to never dry out. Put a bowlful on a paper towel and leave it under a lamp for a while.

8. Tobacco is STILL too wet - I am starting to feel like a fool; you feel this because the tobak bubbles and burbles and drools down your throat, especially in the second half of the bowl. OK - it's wet. No doubt. Swab that sucker out with a pipe cleaner as often as it gurgles. Using a pipe cleaner during a smoke is not dishonorable. Einstein used pipe cleaners.

7. You have packed that pipe WAY too tightly. If you draw on a newly loaded unlit pipe and you need the same amount of suction it takes to suck-start a Harley thru the exhaust pipe then the pipe is packed too tightly. This situation becomes worse if THE TOBACCO IS TOO WET. You draw hard and the pipe won't stay lighted. Give it up - dump the bowl and start again. Don't even mess with the spike-thingie-hole-poker on the multi-tool - it isn't going to work for you now. If you try to keep this bowl going you will pull the blood from your facial cheeks (if packed too tight) and then from your butt cheeks (if too tight AND too wet). If you persist your tongue will soon hurt; your head will implode 10-minutes later. People have made videos and written whole paragraphs about pipe-packing. Just let it be loose enough to draw easily before you set fire to things.

6. You have packed the pipe WAY too loose. After reading #7 this must seem cruel. If the burning bits of tobak don't make good contact with one-another then they won't pass combustion downhill as you draw. Try a little tamp to snug things down a bit then relight and see what happens - do this little by little until you get the feel of a successful pack.

5. Your pipe has a large, third hole in it.

4. Your pipe's airway cannot easily pass a large, fluffy pipe cleaner, thereby preventing enough air movement to maintain combustion.

3.
2.
1.


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## EvanS

10. Tobacco is wet , gooey or won't poof out a bit after pinching it. Nobody ever ruined a pipe or a smoke by stuffing it with tobak that sat out for 30-60 minutes before smoking.

9. Tobacco is STILL too wet. Some of it is wet AND loaded with PG and seems to never dry out. Put a bowlful on a paper towel and leave it under a lamp for a while.

8. Tobacco is STILL too wet - I am starting to feel like a fool; you feel this because the tobak bubbles and burbles and drools down your throat, especially in the second half of the bowl. OK - it's wet. No doubt. Swab that sucker out with a pipe cleaner as often as it gurgles. Using a pipe cleaner during a smoke is not dishonorable. Einstein used pipe cleaners.

7. You have packed that pipe WAY too tightly. If you draw on a newly loaded unlit pipe and you need the same amount of suction it takes to suck-start a Harley thru the exhaust pipe then the pipe is packed too tightly. This situation becomes worse if THE TOBACCO IS TOO WET. You draw hard and the pipe won't stay lighted. Give it up - dump the bowl and start again. Don't even mess with the spike-thingie-hole-poker on the multi-tool - it isn't going to work for you now. If you try to keep this bowl going you will pull the blood from your facial cheeks (if packed too tight) and then from your butt cheeks (if too tight AND too wet). If you persist your tongue will soon hurt; your head will implode 10-minutes later. People have made videos and written whole paragraphs about pipe-packing. Just let it be loose enough to draw easily before you set fire to things.

6. You have packed the pipe WAY too loose. After reading #7 this must seem cruel. If the burning bits of tobak don't make good contact with one-another then they won't pass combustion downhill as you draw. Try a little tamp to snug things down a bit then relight and see what happens - do this little by little until you get the feel of a successful pack.

5. Your pipe has a large, third hole in it.

4. Your pipe's airway cannot easily pass a large, fluffy pipe cleaner, thereby preventing enough air movement to maintain combustion.

3. Improper or nonexistent use of tamper. Casual yet judicious use has the possibility to fix many issues, other than 8 thru 10. Improper use can actually cause #7.
2.
1.


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## jgros001

c'mon moo, you know you have to get that tobacco lit properly in the first place

I have definitely found that the pipe stays lit better now that I have taken the time to make sure there is a good fire going in the beginning.


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## galaga

Because you didn't roll in a ball AKA the EvanS method of packing it in: "I don't roll a ball though. I twist in a wad that looks like a short carrot..........." EvanS(No Lemmings):tu


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## DSturg369

I've tried couple different methods, but what works best for me is the "Pinch & Pack" method.

I pinch a little in, then lightly pack in down, then pinch a little more in and pack it a little heavier, and so on and so on until full, a little heavier packing for each pinch. Has worked great so far with very few relights and very little bite. :tu

Usually takes about 3 or 4 pinches to get a full bowl. p


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## germantown rob

I just never bothered to read anything about how to pack a pipe and just muscle my way through it and smile with a resin on my teeth.


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## Mister Moo

jgros001 said:


> c'mon moo, you know you have to get that tobacco lit properly in the first place...


Would you reduce that to terms which fit in the 1-10 format and slide it in?

I was thinking about including a glip on the right burn to start - that lovely, perfect burn giving an even glow all the way across the top of the bowl. But then I thought, "Well, that's kind of advanced stuff for someone struggling with a bowl that won't stay lit - plus, it really figures in as part of a correct pack and could easily be included by someone else as an addendum to items #7 or #6 - or as a totally new item."

Then I wondered to myself, "Self? Is an uneven burn from the start something that prevents a pipe from staying lit in and of itself, or is it more something that promotes substandard combustion throught a smoke? Hmmmm. I weill leave this to someone else to sort out."

So I'd say, pack it in one of the items already there or add it as a new item if you can get the wording right. Good call.


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## Mister Moo

muziq said:


> My offering for:
> 
> 4. What pipe? This is a CIGAR in my hand, you twit! :r


Accidentally stuffing banana pulp in the pipe is not a reason.


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## Mister Moo

galaga said:


> Because you didn't roll in a ball AKA the EvanS method of packing it in: "I don't roll a ball though. I twist in a wad that looks like a short carrot..........." EvanS(No Lemmings):tu


This is very close to, "Accidentally stuffing banana pulp in the pipe is not a reason."

We set a high standard here, even for older persons. Ahem. Hrumph.

Bluster-bluster.


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## GrtndpwrflOZ

Because you are under water?


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## tzilt

#?. Because you are some zen freak of nature who actually waits _too long_ between puffs.


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## Mad Hatter

jgros001 said:


> c'mon moo, you know you have to get that tobacco lit properly in the first place
> 
> I have definitely found that the pipe stays lit better now that I have taken the time to make sure there is a good fire going in the beginning.


You mean like when it burns right down through the center of the tobak? :r:r:r Try poking holes with your pick in four different places rather than just in the center


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## Mister Moo

GrtndpwrflOZ said:


> Because you are under water?


Accidentally stuffing banana pulp in the pipe is not a reason.


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## Slow Triathlete

My number one reason, which applies to a lot of things in my life, is User Error!!


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## DSturg369

Did the kids get ahold of it to blow bubbles?


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## germantown rob

Mad Hatter said:


> You mean like when it burns right down through the center of the tobak? :r:r:r Try poking holes with your pick in four different places rather than just in the center


You did mean *pick*, right? That wasn't the software making sure no bad words slip through?:r


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## Mister Moo

tzilt said:


> #?. Because you are some zen freak of nature who actually waits _too long_ between puffs.


 Accidentally stuffing banana pulp in the pipe is not a reason.


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## Mister Moo

Mad Hatter said:


> You mean like when it burns right down through the center of the tobak? :r:r:r Try poking holes with your pick in four different places rather than just in the center


THIS is what I had a hard time reducing to words except for, "Don't even mess with the spike-thingie-hole-poker on the multi-tool - it isn't going to work for you now." Not poetry a'tall.

My area of expertise is getting the burn to go right down one side, leaving that side of the pipe red hot while the rest is cool to the touch - d'uh, room temp I guess.


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## GrtndpwrflOZ

Mister Moo said:


> Accidentally stuffing banana pulp in the pipe is not a reason.


Soooooo

Let us review

Stuffing banana pulp into your pipe will *NOT* stop your pipe from lighting.


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## jgros001

10. Tobacco is wet , gooey or won't poof out a bit after pinching it. Nobody ever ruined a pipe or a smoke by stuffing it with tobak that sat out for 30-60 minutes before smoking.

9. Tobacco is STILL too wet. Some of it is wet AND loaded with PG and seems to never dry out. Put a bowlful on a paper towel and leave it under a lamp for a while.

8. Tobacco is STILL too wet - I am starting to feel like a fool; you feel this because the tobak bubbles and burbles and drools down your throat, especially in the second half of the bowl. OK - it's wet. No doubt. Swab that sucker out with a pipe cleaner as often as it gurgles. Using a pipe cleaner during a smoke is not dishonorable. Einstein used pipe cleaners.

7. You have packed that pipe WAY too tightly. If you draw on a newly loaded unlit pipe and you need the same amount of suction it takes to suck-start a Harley thru the exhaust pipe then the pipe is packed too tightly. This situation becomes worse if THE TOBACCO IS TOO WET. You draw hard and the pipe won't stay lighted. Give it up - dump the bowl and start again. Don't even mess with the spike-thingie-hole-poker on the multi-tool - it isn't going to work for you now. If you try to keep this bowl going you will pull the blood from your facial cheeks (if packed too tight) and then from your butt cheeks (if too tight AND too wet). If you persist your tongue will soon hurt; your head will implode 10-minutes later. People have made videos and written whole paragraphs about pipe-packing. Just let it be loose enough to draw easily before you set fire to things.

6. You have packed the pipe WAY too loose. After reading #7 this must seem cruel. If the burning bits of tobak don't make good contact with one-another then they won't pass combustion downhill as you draw. Try a little tamp to snug things down a bit then relight and see what happens - do this little by little until you get the feel of a successful pack.

5. Your pipe has a large, third hole in it.

4. Your pipe's airway cannot easily pass a large, fluffy pipe cleaner, thereby preventing enough air movement to maintain combustion.

3. Improper or nonexistent use of tamper. Casual yet judicious use has the possibility to fix many issues, other than 8 thru 10. Improper use can actually cause #7.

2. You can do 10 through 3 but no charring light or uneven lighting at the start may lead to more re-lights.

1.


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## Mister Moo

DSturg369 said:


> Did the kids get ahold of it to blow bubbles?


 Accidentally stuffing banana pulp in the pipe is not a reason.


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## jgros001

Mister Moo said:


> Would you reduce that to terms which fit in the 1-10 format and slide it in?
> 
> I was thinking about including a glip on the right burn to start - that lovely, perfect burn giving an even glow all the way across the top of the bowl. But then I thought, "Well, that's kind of advanced stuff for someone struggling with a bowl that won't stay lit - plus, it really figures in as part of a correct pack and could easily be included by someone else as an addendum to items #7 or #6 - or as a totally new item."
> 
> Then I wondered to myself, "Self? Is an uneven burn from the start something that prevents a pipe from staying lit in and of itself, or is it more something that promotes substandard combustion throught a smoke? Hmmmm. I weill leave this to someone else to sort out."


Yeah, I think that you can do all the other things perfect.....dry tobacco, good pipe, good packing but if you do not light the pipe properly from the start you will probably have difficulties for the entire bowl. Similar to a cigar, it starts with a good light from the start otherwise, you are always trying to fix it with a light on the right side.....now the left side.....now tamp and relight......now just toss the darn thing in the gutter from anger.


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## jgros001

Mad Hatter said:


> You mean like when it burns right down through the center of the tobak? :r:r:r Try poking holes with your pick in four different places rather than just in the center


It may burn down the center....or just one side won't stay lit.....then you are getting hot spots on one side because you are overcompensating with relights to that side.


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## Blaylock-cl

Mad Hatter said:


> Try poking holes with your pick in four different places rather than just in the center





germantown rob said:


> You did mean *pick*, right?:r


This should be in the "Top Ten Reasons to Keep the Room Lit" thread. :r

_________
This is probably one that can be combined with previous ones...I'm losing track. 

Make your first light a "false light" also known as a "charring light". Light the top of your tobacco, then tamp lightly to form a damper of ash. Follow this with the second "real" light.

As a sidenote (if I may)  ...
Relighting is not necessarily a bad thing.
As I gain more experience, I find slow smoking/puffing more enjoyable to get the flavors of the tobacco. I don't worry as much anymore, if I have to relight several times during a bowl.

Good topic, M'Moo!


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## Don Fernando

And the #1 reason you can't keep your pipe lit -

You are too busy scrolling through your contact list, calling everyone you know, one by one, to remember to actually take a puff once in a while ................ Greg.


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## Joan

Great thread, Moo! 

Your #7 makes me chuckle. For many years I fought and sucked hard on the wet and overtamped bowl, mostly because I was too shy then to ask anyone for help. Put me off the pipe for quite some time. Doesn't matter if you've got mad hoovering skillz; sucking too hard... sucks! 

Three or four? years ago I got the word from my buddy Martin and oooo la la! Heaven, pure heaven!


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## GrtndpwrflOZ

I think I felt it move



Joan said:


> Great thread, Moo!
> 
> Your #7 makes me chuckle. For many years I fought and sucked hard on the wet and overtamped bowl, mostly because I was too shy then to ask anyone for help. Put me off the pipe for quite some time. Doesn't matter if you've got mad hoovering skillz; sucking too hard... sucks!
> 
> Three or four? years ago I got the word from my buddy Martin and oooo la la! Heaven, pure heaven!


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## galaga

GrtndpwrflOZ said:


> Soooooo
> 
> Let us review
> 
> Stuffing banana pulp into your pipe will *NOT* stop your pipe from lighting.


Nope, Dan has had much practice in this category and knows how to do this...:w


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## gvarsity

I thought *Can't Keep My Pipe Lit* was a euphemism. I guess I sort through to much spam every day. Carry on.


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## Mister Moo

jgros001 said:


> Yeah, I think that you can do all the other things perfect.....dry tobacco, good pipe, good packing but if you do not light the pipe properly from the start you will probably have difficulties for the entire bowl. Similar to a cigar, it starts with a good light from the start otherwise, you are always trying to fix it with a light on the right side.....now the left side.....now tamp and relight......now just toss the darn thing in the gutter from anger.


I am not clear on this from my own experience. I agree and then, darkness...

I noticed that when my pipes were, time after time, being lighted evenly the whole array of bad burns, uneven burns, constant tamping, micro-tamp-adjustments and frequent relights pretty much went away. This becomes a "chicken and egg" discussion I suppose. I think that the combination of:

learning what burnable tobacco feels like,
how to rub it out right (if flake/cake is an issue - missed that in 1-10) and
how to (finally) generate a proper, even pack
ultimately combines, awarding the piper with the sign that he has finally arrived - the even burn from start to ash.


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## Mister Moo

galaga said:


> Nope, Dan has had much practice in this category and knows how to do this...:w


I was stuffing banana pulp in my pipe until I finally found CS. Saved me a ton at the produce counter.


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## germantown rob

Mister Moo said:


> [*]how to rub it out right


:r



Mister Moo said:


> I was stuffing banana pulp in my pipe until I finally found CS. Saved me a ton at the produce counter.


Scape, bake in oven at 275 for 45min then stuff in pipe... Mellow Yellow:w


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## Mister Moo

Blaylock said:


> ...Make your first light a "false light" also known as a "charring light". Light the top of your tobacco, then tamp lightly to form a damper of ash. Follow this with the second "real" light.


You could revise Top Ten Item #2 by using a semi; colon and including words to this effect plus a little starchy filler to make it all perfectly clear. I think as it gets closer to #1 the razor is cutting more sharply into the finer points (which is good). I tried to start with the big, ugly, reckless obvious stuff - my specialty.

The right charring light, initial polishing tamp and first relight are the real deal fine-point issues for those who have already passed their Tobacco Moisture-101 and Possible Packs-150 mid-terms.

Didn't you read the rules in the top post, Pipey? Nube.


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## tchariya

Mister Moo said:


> [*]how to rub it out right


hehe

:r


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## Mister Moo

GrtndpwrflOZ said:


> Soooooo
> 
> Let us review
> 
> Stuffing banana pulp into your pipe will *NOT* stop your pipe from lighting.


Of course it will - but now you're dabbling in expert territory. This thread is really geared for the novice who is having trouble enjoying the sport.

But... since you want to dabble in expert territory then lets get too it. What's it going to take to get you piped up and puffing proper, Grd'OZ? I KNOW you want it. C'mon. Say the word. I can hook you up. C'mon.


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## BigFrankMD

#2 Your pipe lighting seems to fail because of you lack of using a lighter / matches.


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## rlaliberty

the majority of my relight stem from improper lighting in the first place.


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## paperairplane

1. Sometimes, like in Spaceballs, you can go from suck to blow...

Your campfire isn't staying lit, you don't inhale the smoke, you blow on it.


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