# The horrid pipes smokes, and having smoked, moves on...



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

I've decided that everyone needs to smoke one of these pipes at least one in their lives. If nothing else, so that they appreciate their own pipes properly.

It's probably one of those cheap Chinese pipes that everyone is so excited about. I can say with some confidence, that this exercise will dampen the enthusiasm. As a matter of pride, I must state that I DID NOT ACTUALLY BUY THIS THING. It was thrown in as a "bonus" in an eBay lot. Lucky me. And now, lucky us.

Rules are as follows...

You must SMOKE this pipe. Playing with it in the bath blowing soap bubbles is not sufficient (although this may improve the flavour delivered). A single bowl is sufficient (I'll say). The whole bowl should be smoked. Please do not modify the pipe in an attempt to make it less unpleasant - that would spoil the fun for the next user. Some photographic evidence of proper use is required. Please ensure that there is sufficient evidence of actual use to avoid a repeat delivery. Please do include notes on the experience. When satisfied that you have the complete experience, please send on to the next lucky smoker. They WILL be pleased.

Here is a picture of me as documentary evidence that I have done MY duty. A full bowl (thankfully small) of Dunhill Deluxe Navy Rolls. I feel the machine oil from manufacture of the metal insert added a certain something that subsequent users will sadly not experience as it has probably burned off. Say "Thank you". If desired, a small amount of Three-In-One oil will replicate the experience. The gurgling of the pipe was sufficient to drown out the noise of passing cars. Actually quite easy to smoke and no relight was needed. Sadly this meant that I had no reason to abandon the bowl early. WHICH IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.

This will be sent to the first lucky recipient in the coming days. You have been warned. "Enjoy."

View attachment 74099


----------



## mcgreggor57 (Nov 3, 2011)

LOL...better send the hat with it!


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Deluxe Navy Rolls?! :tsk: That pipe warranted M79, from the sound of it. The right tool for the right job and all that.


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

freestoke said:


> Deluxe Navy Rolls?! :tsk: That pipe warranted M79, from the sound of it. The right tool for the right job and all that.


Maybe I'll put some Ennerdale through it before I send it out, just to stank it up properly.

(And can you imagine how much the spelling error in the thread title irritates me? No way to change that now, I guess...)

Should be off tomorrow on the European leg of its tour. Who will the lucky smoker be?


----------



## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

steinr1 said:


> Maybe I'll put some Ennerdale through it before I send it out, just to stank it up properly.
> (And can you imagine how much the spelling error in the thread title irritates me? No way to change that now, I guess...)
> Should be off tomorrow on the European leg of its tour. Who will the lucky smoker be?


Eksellent ideuh!


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

So sorry about your subject failure, Robert. I know how that goes. Got a few such threads floating around in the ether myself. 

And I'm pleased to see you sharing the wealth. :tu


----------



## Couch_Incident (Sep 19, 2012)

Man I love this place! So much fun!

Couch


----------



## Hannibal (Apr 22, 2011)

This should prove really interesting!!


----------



## Pipe Pastor (Nov 25, 2012)

Hilarious!!


----------



## Troutman22 (Feb 2, 2011)

I spit up my beverage...



> LOL...better send the hat with it!


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

mcgreggor57 said:


> LOL...better send the hat with it!


I, for one, am not entirely sure that _IS_ a hat...

:tongue1:


----------



## Dr. Plume (Sep 24, 2012)

Oh damn...... Euro tour.....l I am totally smoking m79 should it makes its way to me. Mostly because I don't want to smoke it out of my pipes.


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

Well this should be interesting! I happen to have a can of 3-in-1 oil so I'll send it along should this "thing" make its way to my mailbox. If I see the "hat" I may have to use my rifle to make sure it is dead first!


----------



## Machurtado (Nov 11, 2009)

Terry can we all assume that you will be smoking 1792 in it and it will be wonderful?


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Machurtado said:


> Terry can we all assume that you will be smoking 1792 in it and it will be wonderful?


First, I won't be smoking ANYTHING in that pipe - it needs to stay in Europe.

*ROBERT, LET US KNOW IF YOU NEED DAVE'S PARIS ADDRESS!*

But, if I actually DID get it - sure, why not 1792 Flake.

And then, Mac ol' buddy, I'd send it straight to you! :tongue:


----------



## gahdzila (Apr 29, 2010)

Well, I *would* volunteer, but the upside-down-sideways stem would irritate me so badly that I'm sure I'd have to break the rules and fix it or throw it into the street.

I have a hat like that (furry lined, with ear flaps and strings), a Russian thing that a friend brought back from the motherland. I love it for smoking outside in the cold. But mine is only wool, rather than the hide of a small furry animal like yours.

I have hat envy out:


----------



## MarkC (Jul 4, 2009)

ProbateGeek said:


> I, for one, am not entirely sure that _IS_ a hat...
> 
> :tongue1:


I assumed he was being mind-controlled by a rabid squirrel...


----------



## Dr. Plume (Sep 24, 2012)

ProbateGeek said:


> First, I won't be smoking ANYTHING in that pipe - it needs to stay in Europe.
> 
> *ROBERT, LET US KNOW IF YOU NEED DAVE'S PARIS ADDRESS!*
> 
> ...


Just for that if I get it you are next buddy and I am going to make sure it smells of 79 so bad that nothing but a few bowls of 1792 will overcome it.


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Dr. Plume said:


> Just for that if I get it you are next buddy and I am going to make sure it smells of 79 so bad that nothing but a few bowls of 1792 will overcome it.


Tell ya what, Dave. You send it to me loaded with a fresh bowl of the 79 - THAT should be a smoke to remember!


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

Dr. Plume said:


> Oh damn...... Euro tour.....l I am totally smoking m79 should it makes its way to me. Mostly because I don't want to smoke it out of my pipes.


Well. That's as close to a volunteer as I need...


----------



## Dr. Plume (Sep 24, 2012)

ProbateGeek said:


> Tell ya what, Dave. You send it to me loaded with a fresh bowl of the 79 - THAT should be a smoke to remember!


You got it.


----------



## Dr. Plume (Sep 24, 2012)

steinr1 said:


> Well. That's as close to a volunteer as I need...


Well the only great thing I can see coming out of this is getting to bomb it to somebody else.


----------



## Mante (Dec 25, 2009)

LMAO. Robert, you are a mean mean man. I love it. ound:

No sending to the convict isle though please. :dizzy:


----------



## sweater88 (Jul 31, 2011)

Is it me, or are all the cool kids using pics of themselves with their pipes as their avis now? If this is the way its going to be, than i suggest a beard growing contest!


----------



## mcgreggor57 (Nov 3, 2011)

sweater88 said:


> Is it me, or are all the cool kids using pics of themselves with their pipes as their avis now? If this is the way its going to be, than i suggest a beard growing contest!


Answer


----------



## sweater88 (Jul 31, 2011)

mcgreggor57 said:


> Answer


now thats funny!


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

The "Horrid Pipe" is off to its first lucky recipient.

Some cosmetic "improvements" have been made - THIS IS TO BE ENCOURAGED - but the essential construction and nature of the pipe is as the manufacturer intended. It's still quite lovely.


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

Tashaz said:


> LMAO. Robert, you are a mean mean man. I love it. ound:
> 
> No sending to the convict isle though please. :dizzy:


Out of my control... You are at the mercy (or otherwise) of the "community".


----------



## AStateJB (Oct 13, 2011)

ProbateGeek said:


> And then, Mac ol' buddy, I'd send it straight to you! :tongue:


So long as the strict rule of one recipient per state is followed I see no problem with it going to Mac! :lol:


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

AStateJB said:


> So long as t*he strict rule of one recipient per state* is followed I see no problem with it going to Mac! :lol:


Oh, yeah - that rule will be followed. Like the rules of "puff math", though. :tongue1:


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

steinr1 said:


> The "Horrid Pipe" is off to its first lucky recipient.
> 
> Some *cosmetic "improvements"* have been made -


:spy: A skull and crossbones decal perhaps?


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

freestoke said:


> :spy: A skull and crossbones decal perhaps?


Let's just say that it's not just meerschaum pipes that change colour.


----------



## jheiliger (May 12, 2012)

This is fantastic, Robert! RG for you sir...


----------



## Machurtado (Nov 11, 2009)

AStateJB said:


> So long as the strict rule of one recipient per state is followed I see no problem with it going to Mac! :lol:


If that's case I'll move to Washington so Terry can grace the pipe with some 1792! On second thought I've read some disturbing things about ability to have tobacco shipped there. I may just have to nite the bullet.


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Puff rules are like puff math - anything goes.


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

Machurtado said:


> If that's case I'll move to Washington so Terry can grace the pipe with some 1792! On second thought I've read some disturbing things about ability to have tobacco shipped there. I may just have to nite the bullet.


You can run, but you can't hide... Out here, we know not of your "States" and I remember no such rule.


----------



## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

steinr1 said:


> You can run, but you can't hide... Out here, we know not of your "States" and I remember no such rule.


This is Washington State, where we can't have 'baccy shipped in, but weed is plentiful. The last thing you need to worry about us smoking in that thing is 1792.....


----------



## Dr. Plume (Sep 24, 2012)

Honestly that might make everyone's turn more pleasant.


----------



## Machurtado (Nov 11, 2009)

Desertlifter said:


> This is Washington State, where we can't have 'baccy shipped in, but weed is plentiful. The last thing you need to worry about us smoking in that thing is 1792.....


I might be able to smoke some 1792 after one of your "Washington" bowls!


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Ah, the paradox of the true liberal state - we're "free" enough to legally smoke marijuana, legally "marry" our mate with whom we cannot, and have our doctor help us legally commit suicide. But a cigar from Cuba? NEVER!

Not that I care that much now - unless Cuba puts out any decent pipe blends? :tongue:


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

ProbateGeek said:


> Ah, the paradox of the true liberal state - we're "free" enough to legally smoke marijuana, legally "marry" our mate with whom we cannot, and have our doctor help us legally commit suicide. But a cigar from Cuba? NEVER!
> 
> Not that I care that much now - unless Cuba puts out any decent pipe blends? :tongue:


In all fairness, that's the other Washington's fault.


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

This has been so hyped (GREAT) that I fear the pipe is going to disappoint by not being as ghastly as I promised. I've done my best, although my wife banned me from bold lettering of "I 'HEART' MAN LOVE" on it on the basis that it would just be chucked out. And I can't believe that there is no emoticon for 'HEART'.


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

freestoke said:


> In all fairness, that's the other Washington's fault.


But in all fairness, pot's illegal per the other Washington as well, yet that didn't seem to stop us.


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

ProbateGeek said:


> But in all fairness, pot's illegal per the other Washington as well, yet that didn't seem to stop us.


Point point counterpoint, Terry, you ignorant Geek.

I like the morphing sig. :lol: I think we all need one, actually. (I really hated my crappy "Do the ProbateGeek photo. Sorry. I should tweed up and try again with a decent camera.) "*Ennerdale* makes the heart grow fonder."


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

If I see this pipe in my mailbox I'm calling EOD! :mrgreen:


----------



## Dr. Plume (Sep 24, 2012)

Well the horrid pipe is here and words can't describe its....... Anywho have cold at the moment in a day or two ill smoke it and ship it to the next victim.


----------



## Machurtado (Nov 11, 2009)

Just make sure you keep it over there! I don't think homeland security would allow it in anyway.


----------



## MarkC (Jul 4, 2009)

Dr. Plume said:


> Well the horrid pipe is here and words can't describe its....... Anywho have cold at the moment in a day or two ill smoke it and ship it to the next victim.


I'd go ahead and smoke it now; it'll only hurt worse without the cold!


----------



## ChakaRaka (Jan 8, 2013)

From the single photo, I swear this is the pipe I got from my step-daughter for Christmas. I discussed it all in my huge intro thread. I didn't smoke any tobacco out of it, once researching it's construction, but it looks nice from afar and inspired my short journey to the edge of this very slippery slope. Seeing as I already own such a pipe, I should get a "pass" on this experiment. Not sure how Robert's fine example is, but mine is so restricted that the draw is like a thick milkshake, with nothing in the bowl. Maybe I should acquire a second one and use them as uprights to build a pipe rack. :hmm:


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

MarkC said:


> I'd go ahead and smoke it now; it'll only hurt worse without the cold!


But where's the fun in that? It would be like trying to find out what being tasered is like while under anesthesia.


----------



## DanR (Nov 27, 2010)

freestoke said:


> But where's the fun in that? It would be like trying to find out what being tasered is like while under anesthesia.


ound:


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

ChakaRaka said:


> From the single photo, I swear this is the pipe I got from my step-daughter for Christmas. I discussed it all in my huge intro thread. I didn't smoke any tobacco out of it, once researching it's construction, but it looks nice from afar and inspired my short journey to the edge of this very slippery slope. Seeing as I already own such a pipe, I should get a "pass" on this experiment. Not sure how Robert's fine example is, but mine is so restricted that the draw is like a thick milkshake, with nothing in the bowl. Maybe I should acquire a second one and use them as uprights to build a pipe rack. :hmm:


You may not recognise this pipe again. Its appearance may have been "enhanced" (Which is within the rules, such as they are. Modification in an attempt to improve performance is, naturally, STRENGSTEN VERBOTEN.) I think everyone should have an opportunity to try this fine smoking instrument; please don't attempt to rule yourself out of this joy. I'm sure the stricter members of the forum would not conscience this in any case.

@Dave - Please do remember to make sure that documentary evidence of actual current smoking of the pipe is posted. I can't be held responsible for the actions of the aforementioned strict members should this be left in any doubt. A repeat visit would no doubt be unwelcome.


----------



## MarkC (Jul 4, 2009)

ChakaRaka said:


> From the single photo, I swear this is the pipe I got from my step-daughter for Christmas.


Yeah, that's what I thought when you posted about your pipe.


----------



## scopawl (Sep 21, 2012)

... anyone seen Dave recently? :rotfl:


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

scopawl said:


> ... anyone seen Dave recently? :rotfl:


He is about the forum currently. There is some suspicion (entirely from me) that he has been feigning his alleged "cold" in order to avoid his duty to this particular thread.

Let's remember - *Photographic proof of actual (and public, preferably) smoking by the member is required* to avoid any chance of a return visit. I've mentioned that some of our forum members can be rather strict...


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

*THIS THREAD IS USELESS WITHOUT PICS!!!*:target::boink::biggrin:


----------



## Dr. Plume (Sep 24, 2012)

Terrible pipe - YouTube
Evidence


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Dave - you are a brave soul. Thanks for taking one for the team. Now, if you REALLY wanted to make a good video, you could have showed us your wife smoking the pipe - she has such a lovely voice.

:tease:


----------



## TheRooster (Jul 18, 2012)

Looked like you were really enjoying that pipe.


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

Dave you are a brave soul. But I will seriously sic Homeland Security on you if that thing winds up in my mailbox! lol


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

I think the pipe has got to hit the East Coast first - and I'm thinking Jim better avoid his mailbox for a while.


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

ProbateGeek said:


> I think the pipe has got to hit the East Coast first - and I'm thinking Jim better avoid his mailbox for a while.


Wait! I'm old and feeble! I saw that video and that pipe is clearly dangerous.  (I might call Homeland Security myself, to alert the customs authorities anyhow, merely as a patriotic duty to keep it out of the country. :spy: )


----------



## JohnnyDarkside (Dec 19, 2012)

I think I've just found a use for that five brothers I got with my trade sampler. Might need to cut it with a little Sir Raleigh's or Borkum Riff so I'm not seeing stars by the time it's done. As much as I do enjoy the smell of motor oil (fresh, not used), it's more the thoughts brought to mind. Tasting machine oil does sound a little... offputting.


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

JohnnyDarkside said:


> I think I've just found a use for that five brothers I got with my trade sampler. Might need to cut it with a little Sir Raleigh's or Borkum Riff so I'm not seeing stars by the time it's done. As much as I do enjoy the smell of motor oil (fresh, not used), it's more the thoughts brought to mind. Tasting machine oil does sound a little... offputting.


Well, machine oil does burn or evaporate off. Look on the bright side -- by the time you get it, it could be smoking like a Castello!


----------



## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

freestoke said:


> Wait! I'm old and feeble! I saw that video and that pipe is clearly dangerous.  (I might call Homeland Security myself, to alert the customs authorities anyhow, merely as a patriotic duty to keep it out of the country. :spy: )


Indeed - it is the Cat Stevens of pipes.


----------



## YoungCurmudgeon (Jan 23, 2013)

Desertlifter said:


> Indeed - it is the Cat Stevens of pipes.


and like Cat Stevens is only tolerable with the addition of marijuana... eace:


----------



## trenschler (Nov 18, 2012)

freestoke said:


> Well, machine oil does burn or evaporate off. Look on the bright side -- by the time you get it, it could be smoking like a Castello!


No, we're not allowed to modify it in any way that might improve its smoking quality. ound:


----------



## Blue_2 (Jan 25, 2011)

Address defensively removed from profile. :spy:


----------



## Dr. Plume (Sep 24, 2012)

Blue_2 said:


> Address defensively removed from profile. :spy:


Yeah I already have yours for other reasons that won't help you.


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

Maybe I should remove my address too! Thinkin I'm gonna have to go deep underground for this one! eep:

Got my sniper nest in my upstairs window so I can watch the mailbox!


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Chris0673 said:


> Got my sniper nest in my upstairs window so I can watch the mailbox!


I'm not taking any chances. Went out and bought one of these this morning, just in case. I'll be able to safely remove it and detonate it in the back yard.


----------



## Dr. Plume (Sep 24, 2012)

freestoke said:


> I'm not taking any chances. Went out and bought one of these this morning, just in case. I'll be able to safely remove it and detonate it in the back yard.


If only it was that easy.


----------



## YoungCurmudgeon (Jan 23, 2013)

freestoke said:


> I'm not taking any chances. Went out and bought one of these this morning, just in case. I'll be able to safely remove it and detonate it in the back yard.


Yeah you better hang on to that and keep it at the ready, I'm pretty sure your a prime target... Bet it comes registered mail so you have to sign for it hahaha!


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

It's not that bad...

Lovely colour :lol: Wonder what it will will look like when it gets to the next smoker...


----------



## Dr. Plume (Sep 24, 2012)

Lol. The pipe goes out tomorrow. I have narrowed it down to two victims but which to choose I must sleep on....... It will look largely the same except for maybe an additional little design that won't detract from its smoke ability.


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

Uh oh! Pardon me whilst I run to Lowe's for a few hundred sandbags! The proverbial foul smelling substance is about to get real!


----------



## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

Dr. Plume said:


> Lol. The pipe goes out tomorrow. I have narrowed it down to two victims but which to choose I must sleep on....... It will look largely the same except for maybe an additional little design that won't detract from its smoke ability.


What exactly could DETRACT from its smokeability?


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

X
X
X
X


----------



## jheiliger (May 12, 2012)

HAHAHA! That's funny...


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

I take it Terry has had a delivery. Huzzah!


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Desertlifter said:


> What exactly could DETRACT from its smokeability?


Uh, maybe a broken stem:










I'm betting it was not broken when it left Paris. And I assume it was Dave that added the warning: "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Smoke This Pipe". But on the bright side, at least I'll finally get to try out some Mixture No. 79!

p


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

Duct tape will fix anything. This is no excuse...


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

steinr1 said:


> Duct tape will fix anything. *This is no excuse...*


I heartily agree - and were I less of gentleman, I might take offense at what you seem to be implying. 
This dog will be smoked, AND passed on!

I would, however, be tempted to hit it with some superglue before the duct tape. I've mended a broken stem with it before, with great success. I'll wait and see if there are any strong objections.


----------



## ChakaRaka (Jan 8, 2013)

ProbateGeek said:


> I heartily agree - and were I less of gentleman, I might take offense at what you seem to be implying.
> This dog will be smoked, AND passed on!
> 
> I would, however, be tempted to hit it with some superglue before the duct tape. I've mended a broken stem with it before, with great success. I'll wait and see if there are any strong objections.


I think I do take offense that you would dare refer to such a blasphemous contraption as a "dog". I will have you know sir, that none of my Beagles would touch that abomination with a three metre pole. Furthermore, would any of my dogs choose a pipe, they will stoop no lower than a Missouri Meerchaum with hardwood plug:

http://www.cigarforums.net/forums/v...g-selected-my-combination-unbeknownst-me.html

:rotfl:

But seriously though, I hope Canadian Customs will protect us Canadians from this intercontinental atrocity.


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

ChakaRaka said:


> I think I do take offense that you would dare refer to such a blasphemous contraption as a "dog". I will have you know sir, that none of my Beagles would touch that abomination with a three metre pole. Furthermore, would any of my dogs choose a pipe, they will stoop no lower than a Missouri Meerchaum with hardwood plug:
> 
> http://www.cigarforums.net/forums/v...g-selected-my-combination-unbeknownst-me.html
> 
> ...


I think one would be wise to withhold all sarcasm aimed at HE WHO CURRENTLY HOLDS THE PIPE! :whip:


----------



## ChakaRaka (Jan 8, 2013)

I stand corrected good sir...carry on.

:hail:


----------



## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

ProbateGeek said:


> Uh, maybe a broken stem:
> 
> I'm betting it was not broken when it left Paris. And I assume it was Dave that added the warning: "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Smoke This Pipe". But on the bright side, at least I'll finally get to try out some Mixture No. 79!


Well, that should improve the draw.... :rofl:


----------



## Dr. Plume (Sep 24, 2012)

Desertlifter said:


> Well, that should improve the draw.... :rofl:


Hahahaha I thought I took it apart for shipping. Oh well guess that will help the smokability


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Well, I believe I will have to go the duct tape route - the jagged pieces stuck in the mortise (if this pipe was even designed with a mortise/tenon - hard to tell) were loose and ended up falling off. So the break is too clean (nothing to grab) to try the SuperGlue. At least with the duct tape, I'll be able to unwrap the tape to send it on to the next sucker. . . er, I mean, "participant". 

I look forward to my first taste of M#79 tomorrow evening!


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

Although it might conceivably turn this into a sweet smoker (albeit unlikely), I think you should try to hook out what's left of the tenon. It's got a couple of o-rings "securing" it and shouldn't be too hard to extract. The "tenon" is a bit of metal with miniscule holes in it that will block entirely after only a few smokes. I think the Good Doctor Plume suffered this on only the pipe's second outing (although he may secretly have smoked it many times). I'm sure the overall experience will still be essentially the same without it.

Good luck...


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

steinr1 said:


> Although it might conceivably turn this into a *sweet smoker*. . .


Hoo-boy, that's funny.

I'll see what I can do about removing what's left of "that-thing-passing-as-a-tenon". But then you see the difficulty - taping a flat stem to a flat shank will result in diminished smoking capacity. On second thought, that just might help me get through this ordeal...

I'll try to report tonight.


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

ProbateGeek said:


> taping a flat stem to a flat shank will result in diminished smoking capacity


Some sort of ice-cream stick or such in the mix could sort this out. I'd hate for you to be denied the full experience. And who knows - a pipe is surely just a bucket with a tube attached - it might be the best smoke you've ever had. Combined with the famous M79 - how can it possibly miss?


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

In lieu of duct tape, I pulled out the big guns - aluminum foil tape!


















Somehow, it seems so fitting for this caliber of smoking implement. Oh, she's ready.

But am I? I took a few draws on the empty pipe. Certainly no leaks around the mend, but I almost wish there had been. This thing has the WORST draw of any pipe I've tried. I would bet good money that after a couple more passes this thing will have no draw at all. Still, I am now determined to follow through, so I loaded up a full dose of the infamous Mixture No. 79 and stepped out onto the front deck. Little cold, but I'm now fearless. I'm talking the fearlessness of the true dunce. Hoo-ah!

Since this pipe is 0% wood, I went ahead and put a torch lighter up to it. Puff, puff, puff. . . horrible draw, and LOUD. What the hell is this? How can a pipe be LOUD? I hit it with the lighter again, and was surprised to find a decent amount of smoke being produced - tough to get it, but there. Now I'm not proud of this next statement, but I'm all in now: *I did not find the Mixture No. 79 all that bad*. Really - a little soapy, but most likely I had been so expecting a crap smoke, that it was somewhat of a letdown that it wasn't complete nastiness. At first anyway...

I smoke this bowl fast, because it was cold out, but primarily because I'm fighting the gag reflex most of the way here. I concede, and join in Dave's opinion - this is *not *a pleasant experience. I did, however, smoke the whole thing, to the bitter end, so to speak. Witness:


















With only one slight coughing fit, and only one very violent gag. Whew, glad that's over. Feeling a bit proud of myself, and oddly feeling somewhat privileged to have received this marvelous opportunity, I alerted the local media.

It appears my story has gone viral...


































Which leaves us with really only one question remaining...










p


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

Fantastic. This pipe is already a legend after only a few outings.

Things can only get better.

If the broken "tenon" is still in place it will need to be extracted or the pipe will indeed soon block completely. There are only some pin holes in this thing for the draw. When removed I'm sure the full majesty of the device will shine through.


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

The Pink Pipe of Death is considering whom next to visit. I have picked out my donee of preference, but the Pipe will decide over the weekend, and I shall do its bidding. Now gotta listen to a bad rendition of _Monday, Monday_, probably the Ed Ames version, while mourning the fate of the next victim.


----------



## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

ProbateGeek said:


> The Pink Pipe of Death is considering whom next to visit. I have picked out my donee of preference, but the Pipe will decide over the weekend, and I shall do its bidding. Now gotta listen to a bad rendition of _Monday, Monday_, probably the Ed Ames version, while mourning the fate of the next victim.


Monday Monday? I say good sir - you must challenge yourself!

You must listen to this whilst deciding:


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Desertlifter said:


> Monday Monday? I say good sir - you must challenge yourself!
> 
> You must listen to this whilst deciding:


Or . . . ?


----------



## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

ProbateGeek said:


> Or . . . ?


Or you will be bereft of Shatner and Nimoy singing Beatles and folk standards, of course!


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Desertlifter said:


> Or you will be bereft of Shatner and Nimoy singing Beatles and folk standards, of course!


_Psst. Brian. 
Be careful - Monday is the day, and your are now a comically easy mailing distance from the Pipe... _


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

ChakaRaka said:


> I stand corrected good sir...carry on.
> 
> :hail:


THE PIPE IS AWAY!

Mike, you have barely just escaped a nasty fate - you have your beagles to thank. :wink:


----------



## ChakaRaka (Jan 8, 2013)

Terry, thank you for your mercy. I haven't had much down time (see also: pipe time) lately, so not having smoked for a while, that would just be adding insult to injury. I do have the same pipe though, so if I ever feel the urge to detract from my already rookie pip experience, it is ready and collecting dust.

:deadhorse:


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Oddly enough, a month or two before this sadomasochistic venture got under weigh, I went into The Smoke Shop here in Rome to get a fake electric cigarette for Audrey. I looked around a bit and the "pipes" up front caught my eye. Even looking through the glass on the display case I could see a "screen" apparatus at the bottom of the pipes, with little round holes, made of metal. Weird, I thought. Must be newfangled weed pipes or something? :dunno: Now I know. :lol: They had some pipe tobacco in there too, at NY prices of course, but I failed to recognize any of the makers. Mainly a high end head shop, it seemed -- although they carried darts! Sort of. Soft tips, which are about as much darts as the the pipes are pipes.


----------



## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

ProbateGeek said:


> _Psst. Brian.
> Be careful - Monday is the day, and your are now a comically easy mailing distance from the Pipe... _





ProbateGeek said:


> THE PIPE IS AWAY!
> 
> Mike, you have barely just escaped a nasty fate - you have your beagles to thank. :wink:


Eep! :behindsofa:


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

Wow I go on vacation and all of a sudden the pipe gets broken! Oh well. At least I dodged the bullet on this one! That would have been fun trying to explain that one to the MPs here on post!


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

Chris0673 said:


> Wow I go on vacation and all of a sudden the pipe gets broken! Oh well. At least I dodged the bullet on this one! That would have been fun trying to explain that one to the MPs here on post!


Not broken. "Differently Constructed".


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Chris0673 said:


> Wow I go on vacation and all of a sudden the pipe gets broken! Oh well. *At least I dodged the bullet on this one!* That would have been fun trying to explain that one to the MPs here on post!


Uhmmmm... why would you Ass U Me that? oke:


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

D'OH!!!


----------



## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

I feel obligated to note at this point - for future reference, of course - that having originated in Merry Olde England (tm) and then flying to France, it seems only appropriate that it land in Canada at some point.


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

Whew! Lol


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Desertlifter said:


> I feel obligated to note at this point - for future reference, of course - that having originated in Merry Olde England (tm) and then flying to France, it seems only appropriate that it land in Canada at some point.


Mike's smoking beagle begged me to spare him this time, but I agree the Pink Pipe of Death should eventually make it up north.


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Pipe left Monday. . . ± 2,199 miles to destination. . . hmmmm. Perhaps today?


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

ProbateGeek said:


> Pipe left Monday. . . ± 2,199 miles to destination. . . hmmmm. Perhaps today?


Hmmmm... Couple of hundred miles short of New York by my reckoning. I wish my North American geography was better.

Ottawa?


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

X
X
X
X
X
:cowboyic9:


----------



## gahdzila (Apr 29, 2010)

ProbateGeek said:


> Pipe left Monday. . . ± 2,199 miles to destination. . . hmmmm. Perhaps today?


Did anyone else go to google maps and see exactly how far your house is from Vancouver WA? I did. And I'm scared. But my mailbox is empty today, thankfully.


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

gahdzila said:


> Did anyone else go to google maps and see exactly how far your house is from Vancouver WA? I did. And I'm scared. But my mailbox is empty today, thankfully.


Yet I always mail from Lake Oswego, Oregon - so you just never know...

But it's not you, Clifford. I still have high hopes of being your neighbor someday, and would never do that do a potential local.

Whoever least expects it, should expect it though.


----------



## Machurtado (Nov 11, 2009)

Well guys I just got home from having a few beers with guys from work which is needed when you work for your state's Department of Finance during tax season. So I call my wife to let her know that I'm on my way and she says ok oh by the way I forgot to let you know you got a package yesterday and I forgot to tell you. My first thought is YES! my new pair of Allen Edmonds is in then she says "by the way who do you know in Oregon?" I was think I don't know anyone in Oregon the only thing I could think was maybe my buddy in Seattle sent me something and it went through Oregon. Now I haven't been around as much due to the fact that it's been crazy busy at work so I was completely and utterly devastated I mean surprised when I get home open the package and see it. It truly is the worst pipe I've ever seen and let me tell you the pictures do it no justice. Now being that I am still reeling from this I have yet to take pictures but will have some posted soon. Terry all I can say is you are one sick sick [email protected]!


----------



## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

Machurtado said:


> Well guys I just got home from having a few beers with guys from work which is needed when you work for your state's Department of Finance during tax season. So I call my wife to let her know that I'm on my way and she says ok oh by the way I forgot to let you know you got a package yesterday and I forgot to tell you. My first thought is YES! my new pair of Allen Edmonds is in then she says "by the way who do you know in Oregon?" I was think I don't know anyone in Oregon the only thing I could think was maybe my buddy in Seattle sent me something and it went through Oregon. Now I haven't been around as much due to the fact that it's been crazy busy at work so I was completely and utterly devastated I mean surprised when I get home open the package and see it. It truly is the worst pipe I've ever seen and let me tell you the pictures do it no justice. Now being that I am still reeling from this I have yet to take pictures but will have some posted soon. Terry all I can say is you are one sick sick [email protected]!


I thought I felt a disturbance in the force - must have been as this passed me down in the gorge.

Either that or I need more fiber.

PICS!


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

I think it was Post #14 that did Mac in. What they say about "assuming" is right, we see. I sent him a little somethin' somethin' to get the taste of the Pink Pipe of Death out of his mouth, though - "assuming" he survives the Mixture No. 79!

:tongue:


----------



## MylesT (Feb 26, 2012)

y'all pipers are sick in the head, man, but boy are y'all fun to watch! hoto:


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

eep: Damn it's gettin closer! I think I'm going into hiding...:spy:


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

MylesT said:


> y'all pipers are sick in the head, man, but boy are y'all fun to watch! hoto:


If you're going to fake a Southern accent, get the grammar straight. :sl "You pipers are sick in the head..." "Y'all are sick in the head," works just fine, though. And please, when doing a Texan accent (which is not Southern, but employs "y'all"), be sure to use "a whole *nother* country" instead of "a whole *other* country". "Other country" is a sure tipoff that you're faking it, probably from somewhere like Massachusetts. oke: And if there's more than one of you, *y'all* are faking it. Nothing worse than hearing a Yankee misuse "y'all" as a singular pronoun, as if Southerners had lost the word "you" from their vocabulary.

Other than that, your observation is spot on. p


----------



## TTecheTTe (Jun 10, 2012)

freestoke said:


> If you're going to fake a Southern accent, get the grammar straight. :sl "You pipers are sick in the head..." "Y'all are sick in the head,"


Hmm, not quite. It's "y'all urr tetched," or you could say more fully (but redundant) "y'all urr tetched in th' haid."

I most appreciate the correct spelling of "y'all," y'all. 

Then again, there are six distinct dialects in Texas, and there are variations in each. The above is East Texas (very close to a Tennessean dialect), and you will not find this as much in Central or South Texas.


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

TTecheTTe said:


> Hmm, not quite. It's "y'all urr tetched," or you could say more fully (but redundant) "y'all urr tetched in th' haid."
> 
> I most appreciate the correct spelling of "y'all," y'all.
> 
> Then again, there are six distinct dialects in Texas, and there are variations in each. The above is East Texas (very close to a Tennessean dialect), and you will not find this as much in Central or South Texas.


Yeah, my grandparents lived in Wichita Falls (mother) and Kilgore (father). I read a book by some authority or another back in the '60s, on English dialects worldwide, from Bombay to Manchester. (A lot of people in India speak English as a "native" language, it just sounds like a "foreign" accent to us.) He claimed West Texans spoke the best enunciated English in the world. "You can tell they're good guys, they all wear white hats." Can't remember the Dodge spokesman -- Tex Ritter maybe? :dunno:


----------



## TTecheTTe (Jun 10, 2012)

freestoke said:


> Yeah, my grandparents lived in Wichita Falls (mother) and Kilgore (father). I read a book by some authority or another back in the '60s, on English dialects worldwide, from Bombay to Manchester. (A lot of people in India speak English as a "native" language, it just sounds like a "foreign" accent to us.) He claimed West Texans spoke the best enunciated English in the world. "You can tell they're good guys, they all wear white hats." Can't remember the Dodge spokesman -- Tex Ritter maybe? :dunno:


LOL, after 3 years in Lubbock, I can say that West Texans do enunciate well, as do Central Texans - even though you are equally as likely to hear a German accent there (I'm a German-Texan from the Texas "Hill Country" in Central Texas). Not sure about Tex, but know he was a Texan!


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

TTecheTTe said:


> LOL, after 3 years in Lubbock, I can say that West Texans do enunciate well, as do Central Texans - even though you are equally as likely to hear a German accent there (I'm a German-Texan from the Texas "Hill Country" in Central Texas). Not sure about Tex, but know he was a Texan!


Ha! The announcer was Jim Gough, a C&W singer who lived in Houston! :tu Not sure where he was born, though.


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Machurtado said:


> Terry can we all assume that you will be smoking 1792 in it and it will be wonderful?


Pretty quiet there in North Little Rock. Mac, can we all assume that you will be smoking The Pipe wearing your new Allen Edmonds and it will be a timeless, stylish and handsome smoke?

:biggrin:

Oh, yeah. I'd wear these (if it weren't for the $395 price tag):


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

sheesh. Cheap at twice the price, Terry! I had a pair of wingtip golf shoes back in the late 70s. $225, and not nearly as much leather involved, close to a $1000 by today's standards. (Also had some Murray Space shoes, several pair, at $240 a pop, made from a mold of my foot. Very weird, but superior shoes for sure.) They golf shoes were Footjoy, back when they were made in the US instead of Indonesia. Fabulously comfortable, the perfect last for me. Wore them for about 5 or 6 years before they fell apart, but that was a LOT of holes of actual golf, carrying my bag, as opposed to wheelchair golf. They held up very well. Wish I could still buy a good pair of golf shoes, but they really don't sell them any more. The inflation rate doesn't reflect the state of the golf shoe market. To get an equivalent pair today would really run closer to $2000 -- and they probably wouldn't fit as well or last as long. Plus, they don't allow real golf shoes on the course most places, unless you're a PGA touring pro. One of the things I hate about the game now -- the touring pros are allowed to wear needles, but regular players aren't. Let's see -- Tiger Woods is on the tee at Teugega, one of the more upscale courses down the street a couple of miles. "I'm sorry, Mr. Woods. We don't allow spikes." Yeah. In your dreams. (60% of the players on tour wear metal spikes -- even at Augusta National, and I assure you that NONE of the courses they play allow Joe Schmoe to wear spikes, period. 

Just trying to kill some time here while we await the photos.


----------



## Machurtado (Nov 11, 2009)

Well guys just wanted to let everyone know I'm not dead yet but close. I've had a stomach bug of some sort that has kept me in bed or somewhere else since Saturday morning. Now I'm not pointing any fingers...what the hell yes I am ever since some 1792 entered my house I haven't been able to keep anything down. Coincidence? I think not. That stuff is the Devil in flake format! I am feeling much better today but I've decided to wait till at least next week if not the next to smoke the pink pipe of death to ensure I don't transfer the bug that I have.

Terry those are pretty sweet these are the ones I ordered however I had to exchange them for a different size so now I'm waiting for them come back. March just doesn't seem to like me vey much. 


Uploaded with ImageShack.us


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Pretty conservative boot there, Mac. That pink pipe ought to liberate you a bit. I see a pair of paisley sneakers in your near future.

Perhaps store the glorious 1792 away from the family's perishables, and rest up for the coming festivities - we'll be here.


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

I feel ya on the 1792 brother! It tastes like @ss with a side of sh!!te! On the other hand...it does keep the bugs away!


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

X
X
X
X
:neutral:


----------



## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

Sacrilege!

1792 Flake is glorious. I know this because it has the essence of overgrown mutated pea plants.

Smoking 1792 Flake is like reading Archie Comics while petting a kitten that is purring in your lap while your black lab fetches a ball for you, you have a line in a great perch pond, and Geddy Lee, Neil Peart, and Alex Lifeson are giving you a private concert while Shakira is giving you a scalp massage.


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Desertlifter said:


> Smoking 1792 Flake is like reading Archie Comics while petting a kitten that is purring in your lap while your black lab fetches a ball for you, you have a line in a great perch pond, and Geddy Lee, Neil Peart, and Alex Lifeson are giving you a private concert while Shakira is giving you a scalp massage.


And that's just the _bulk _1792. 
As for the tinned...


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Actually, I think you got bad directions, Terry. That's the staircase in the* Ennerdale Garden of Delights*. Here's the 1792 Bridge:










Hell, no wonder you like it! The bridge is within driving distance from you!


----------



## MarkC (Jul 4, 2009)

Desertlifter said:


> Sacrilege!
> 
> 1792 Flake is glorious. I know this because it has the essence of overgrown mutated pea plants.
> 
> Smoking 1792 Flake is like reading Archie Comics while petting a kitten that is purring in your lap while your black lab fetches a ball for you, you have a line in a great perch pond, and Geddy Lee, Neil Peart, and Alex Lifeson are giving you a private concert while Shakira is giving you a scalp massage.


You know, I heard a song on the piped in monstrosity sound system at work the other day that I swear sounded like Geddy Lee was doing some horrible side project. I mean, no one sounds like him, right? I was told it was Shakira.

I'm so glad I quit trying to keep up with popular music...


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

Speaking of music...

I've been playing around with this Spotify app on my iPhone, and for some reason have been on a Youssou N'Dour kick for the last week. After not having listened to him for more than a decade. What a voice.

Here's one his more subdued songs good for this Good Friday - there's even a little English in it:


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

Isn't someone due to smoke the thread's eponymous hero?


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

By the way, I do like this one. I'm delighted that we've finally descended to "Dude, your tobacco is totally gay..." :lol:



freestoke said:


> Actually, I think you got bad directions, Terry. That's the staircase in the* Ennerdale Garden of Delights*. Here's the 1792 Bridge:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

I repeat:

*Isn't someone due to smoke the thread's eponymous hero? *


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

steinr1 said:


> I repeat:
> 
> *Isn't someone due to smoke the thread's eponymous hero? *


In light of our last post from Mac, going on three weeks since his last login, the eponym itself has begun to make me apprehensive. "Well guys just wanted to let everyone know I'm not dead yet but close. I've had a stomach bug of some sort that has kept me in bed or somewhere else since Saturday morning. "


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

Well at least this means my mailbox won't be setting off the alarms on post....for awhile at any rate...


----------



## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Is it time to worry about Mac yet?


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

You know I've been wondering...

Maybe someone should go check on him? Maybe the horrid pipe did something bad to him? lol


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

My guess is, he's been smoking it nonstop, has fallen in love with it, in fact, and has long since realized that it is something from which he can never be parted. 

Besides, that shade goes well with his pink pastel button downs from Brooks Brothers.

:tongue:


----------



## Chris0673 (Aug 20, 2012)

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Nice!


----------



## ProbateGeek (Oct 13, 2010)

I feel I am somewhat to blame...


----------



## steinr1 (Oct 22, 2010)

???????


----------

