# In the closet



## mb_pipe (Jun 5, 2009)

Curious to get some reactions about this...

Nobody I even remotely know knows of my pipe smoking. Not my girlfriend, not my relatives, not my friends. There's been issues with cancer in my family and I don't want to disappoint them. Is this unusual?


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## ShamWow (Jan 17, 2009)

mb_pipe said:


> Curious to get some reactions about this...
> 
> Nobody I even remotely know knows of my pipe smoking. Not my girlfriend, not my relatives, not my friends. There's been issues with cancer in my family and I don't want to disappoint them. Is this unusual?


I can obviously only speak for myself...I don't think it's unusual. I didn't smoke in front of my mom until I was in my mid-thirties...only recently have I smoked at outdoor family gatherings....hmm what are we trying to hide/repress???...lol

Ed


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## Mister Moo (Sep 8, 2005)

An omission is the same as a lie; you need to rethink smoking or secret smoking.


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## Dzrtrat (Oct 9, 2006)

Mister Moo said:


> An omission is the same as a lie; you need to rethink smoking or secret smoking.


As much as I hate to admit it...I have to agree with Dan :wink: There is definitely wisdom here. If anything you do causes you to keep it from those you love...well...there is something deeper going on, and you have doubts.


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## Mad Hatter (Apr 8, 2007)

Keep it secret. It makes it more enjoyable that way


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## mrsmitty (Jan 22, 2009)

be up front I finally let my mom & dad know, I smoke at family gatherings and everyone seems fine with it now, my mom even seems a bit interested in cigars. No reason hiding it, I think it takes away from the joy.


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## GoodFella (Nov 3, 2007)

i do it when i want to where i want to. my girl told me to smoke in the house. my smoke cigars with my dad alot. at first i got a little greef from my parents and my girl but they got over it fast. now my father likes that we can spend a little time together. m girls thinks its odd if i dont have a cigars at least once a week


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## bubo2069 (Aug 1, 2009)

Mister Moo said:


> An omission is the same as a lie; you need to rethink smoking or secret smoking.


I'm going to have to agree with Dan. I can't see how you can truly enjoy your pipe(or pipes) if you have to hide or do so in secret. I'd let them know about it. It's just like my Grandparents didn't like the fact that I smoked cigs, but once my Grandfather found out about my pipes he gave me a box of his old pipes that he used to smoke when he was my age. When we would go up north he would come sit outside with me to enjoy the "Aroma" 

So I say let them know, and explain to them why you smoke pipes. You could always tell them that you could be doing illegal narcotics or be an alcoholic. 

Good luck and good puffing!

Scott p


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## Stench (Aug 17, 2009)

mb_pipe said:


> Curious to get some reactions about this...
> 
> Nobody I even remotely know knows of my pipe smoking. Not my girlfriend, not my relatives, not my friends. There's been issues with cancer in my family and I don't want to disappoint them. Is this unusual?


My wife knows, but she's not crazy about it. She will even come out on the deck/porch and talk to me while I'm smoking. I think she likes it because she's got me cornered for quality time! LOL!:biggrin1:

I don't do it in front of my kids, at least my youngest. My eldest is 17 and I know he knows. I just don't make a big deal out of it.

You at least need to tell your girlfriend. If your family isn't going to be around when you're smoking, who cares?


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## Jack Straw (Nov 20, 2008)

Yeah, even though my parents know I smoke cigars (not the pipe as far as I know - but same difference) I still don't like to smoke in front of them. They are OK with it as long as it's not cigarettes, in fact they brought be back some cigars from their last trip. But yeah, there's something in me that makes me not want to smoke around them, at least at home. I guess I did at my brother's wedding.

Girlfriend is fine with it, and Stench I know what you mean for being cornered!


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## GrtndpwrflOZ (May 17, 2007)

Mister Moo said:


> An omission is the same as a lie; you need to rethink smoking or secret smoking.


It's not the "same as"....it "IS" a lie.

It's called lieing by ommision, and it's a lie.

I am so glad someone else said this. I use the term often and it tends to piss people off.
But I'm good at that bwuahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :twisted:


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## Mister Moo (Sep 8, 2005)

Mad Hatter said:


> Keep it secret. It makes it more enjoyable that way


:tea: Rat own.


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## jfserama (Mar 26, 2009)

Jack Straw said:


> Yeah, even though my parents know I smoke cigars (not the pipe as far as I know - but same difference) I still don't like to smoke in front of them. They are OK with it as long as it's not cigarettes, in fact they brought be back some cigars from their last trip. But yeah, there's something in me that makes me not want to smoke around them, at least at home. I guess I did at my brother's wedding.!


Pretty much the same for me too. They know I smoke pipes/cigars and dont really approve, but dont disapprove either. Cigarettes are a different matter. But I still dont feel comfortable smoking around them, maybe because I know that they aren't happy about it? In fact, I've only smoked near them once or twice, and they didn't make a big deal about it, but I knew they weren't happy. So it's just easier for me to smoke when they are not around, not that I'm trying to hide it, but that it causes less tension.

But I agree with what others have said, tell them (girlfriend at least) because it will make it that much more enjoyable for you, and they will find out eventually anyways


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## KevinV (Jun 24, 2009)

The closet is good for hanging articles of clothing and storing Sunday shoes. It's not a great place to keep passions.


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## FrayAdjacent (Sep 1, 2009)

Well, I know my parents would likely not approve of my new hobby (note, not a habit). I chose to get a pipe since it's usually a much smaller amount of tobacco than a cigar, and I like the aroma a lot more. But then, I've also been disposed to oddball pursuits when it comes to hobbies. 

I don't figure I'll smoke every day. Given the fact that we do not inhale pipe smoke, and likely infrequent use, the chances of incurring any health issues are relatively low if almost nonexistent.


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## MarkC (Jul 4, 2009)

KevinV said:


> The closet is good for hanging articles of clothing and storing Sunday shoes. It's not a great place to keep passions.


But...that's where my stashed tins and mason jars are!


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## Joshcertain (Jun 1, 2009)

meh, it aint lying... its keeping things to yourself. Total disclosure is not required every time you talk with someone. 

I havent told my parents I smoke pipes cause I watched my Mom nag my little brother endlessly about his ciggarette smoking, and I dont think she understands the difference.


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## drastic_quench (Sep 12, 2008)

Joshcertain said:


> meh, it aint lying... its keeping things to yourself. Total disclosure is not required every time you talk with someone.
> 
> I havent told my parents I smoke pipes cause I watched my Mom nag my little brother endlessly about his ciggarette smoking, and I dont think she understands the difference.


Agreed. I'm all for minding one's own business. I don't tell my parents all the things I do with my wife, but since we have kids, I'm sure they can infer a little something.


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## Herf N Turf (Dec 31, 2008)

Well, Im not a kid, but I am _their _kid. Both my parents are former cigarette smokers and everyone knows "there is nothing so zealous as a convert". For both health and religeous reasons, they do not approve of the hobby. They know I do it. I discuss it casually and occasionally with them, but I do not smoke around them, or on their property, when I go to visit. It's simply a matter of respect.

My castle is a different matter altogether. However, when my parents come to visit, I dont smoke while they're in the house. It's simply a matter of love.

Hiding is just bad for the soul, but you also dont have to rub peoples noses in things.


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## Mister Moo (Sep 8, 2005)

drastic_quench said:


> ...I don't tell my parents all the things I do with my wife, but since we have kids, I'm sure they can infer a little something.


You and Joshcertain sound mature enough to have a philosophy you are solid with but I think there are plenty of young people in forums like this who might not know the difference between deceipt and minding your own business. If mb-pipe needs to ask advice on this issue then he isn't experienced enough to form his own well-grounded philosphy about how to conduct himself. Good on him for being man enough to ask.

If you you hide your smoking from your girlfriend and parents and relatives and everyone else you know because you don't want to disappoint them then you're not minding your own business. WTH? Non-smokers can detect pipe smell on your clothes from 10 yards away and you need to be closer than that to kiss your girlfriend hello and your momma goodbye. Point #1, "You're only kidding yourself."

Point #2 (made up of subparts i.-iv.) Speaking as a father of four and a practiced liar:

i. your sins really DO seek you out;
ii. parents may be very disappointed to find out you smoke; 
iii. when parents learn kids are hiding things from EVERYONE who loves them they will be about 10x more disappointed than finding out they smoke; and (you can take this one to the bank)
iv. when you think you might have a problem then you, for sure, already have one.

So then, "Is this unusual?" I'd say, "Maybe not." What you have to ask yourself is, how do you want to be known in matters of integrity with friends and family?


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## IHT (Dec 27, 2003)

if you're old enough to post on this forum (over 18 ), then i believe you're old enough to do whateverthe****youwant to do within the laws of your area.
so.... why worry about what the other ppl think? you're an adult, they should be able to respect your decisions, even if they don't agree with them.


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## MarkC (Jul 4, 2009)

Mister Moo said:


> Non-smokers can detect pipe smell on your clothes from 10 yards away and you need to be closer than that to kiss your girlfriend hello and your momma goodbye. Point #1, "You're only kidding yourself."


Amen. A smoker who thinks others don't know is kind of cute, in a naive sort of way...


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## Dzrtrat (Oct 9, 2006)

This is has been a very interesting read thus far....
Tell your loved ones ...don't tell your loved ones...That decision, is one only you can make. My question is, would the ones you love, love you any less if they knew? The decisions we make daily defines us as a person, and although some may not agree, everything you do is a defining moment...it makes a statement of who you are. So the decision you make...will be the right one for you and no one else can say otherwise. There have been numerous responses to you're thread and all answers have defined those who have posted. Now think for yourself.


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## jrpvr6 (Jul 16, 2009)

The band 311 has a song called "Jack o Lantern's Weather." A line in this song says, "Nothing in life is above being honest." Good stuff. The only pipe smoking that I have tried to hide is the kind where tobacco is not the substance being smoked :crazy: Like others have mentioned on this thread, soon you realize that the things you do have character, or behavior, defining impacts. I had to come to terms with my non-tobacco smoking because it became so prevalent I felt it was changing who I was, and I did not want to embrace that lifestyle any longer. In the end, I could not embrace the honesty of who I was as a lush substance abuser....That, and I was just strung out. Tobacco smoking is an altogether different story.

I smoke pipes and cigars occasionally, and within the past six months I just got around to buying a humidor and a couple pipes. Back when I was about 14 or 15, my sister's boyfriend bought my brother and I about 15 cigars. My parents weren't smokers, but my grandpa on my mom's side smoked a pipe all his life. The rents did not mind that gift, even though we were well under the legal age for such behavior.

Nothing in life is above being honest. I don't think you should have to hide the activities you do, but theres nothing wrong with being discreet and respectful. If you rarely smoke, you can let those close to you know that you smoke on an occasional basis, and you find the world of tobacco intriguing. There's pipe and cigar smoking history from all over the world, and tons of different pipes, cigars, and tobacco to try. Time will tell if smoking is a fit for you as a person, and you never really have to develop into a more than occasional smoker, though its not a bad thing at all if you do in time, or already are one...


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## Stench (Aug 17, 2009)

Herf N Turf said:


> My castle is a different matter altogether. However, when my parents come to visit, I dont smoke while they're in the house. It's simply a matter of love.
> 
> Hiding is just bad for the soul, but you also dont have to rub peoples noses in things.


:amen:

I drink the occasional beer and single malt...parents don't know and that is a battle I don't wish to fight. I don't hide the beer in the fridge, nor the scotch in the cabinet. But for the once a month visit they stop by I don't pull them out either. My castle...but with respect for my parents why shove it in their face? This has gone on for 15 years without a problem.

Wife/Girlfriend is another matter altogether! If you're sharing a bed...she gonna know!

Smoke is easily washed away in the shower and mouthwash takes care of the rest. I just choose not to indulge in those situations in which it would be offensive or cause me grief. Not worth it to me, but to each their own!


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## mb_pipe (Jun 5, 2009)

Original poster here. First, thanks for all of the responses. I think it would be fair for me to elaborate a bit. Up until a few months ago, I was at best a very occasional smoker, maybe at most 15-20 bowls a year for about the past 20 years. Mostly as a stress relief or if the weather was really suited for a smoke. However, job stresses have seen me move up to 1 or 2 bowls a week, plus all of the fine information here makes me want to diversify what I currently smoke.

Right now, the situation with my girl friend is that we live 45 minutes apart, so at best I see her twice a week, and 90% of the time at her place, and we're not taking it any more seriously than that, so I do not have to worry about a live-in situation. She is also extremely allergic to any smoke. So, if push came to shove, I would just quit the pipe, no question.

I was just more curious if others were in a similar situation and how they would handle it. Guess I'm the only one...


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## MarkC (Jul 4, 2009)

mb_pipe said:


> She is also extremely allergic to any smoke.


Ouch. That certainly puts a complication in things. Having never been in that situation, I'm not sure what I'd do.


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## Dzrtrat (Oct 9, 2006)

mb_pipe said:


> Original poster here. First, thanks for all of the responses. I think it would be fair for me to elaborate a bit. Up until a few months ago, I was at best a very occasional smoker, maybe at most 15-20 bowls a year for about the past 20 years. Mostly as a stress relief or if the weather was really suited for a smoke. However, job stresses have seen me move up to 1 or 2 bowls a week, plus all of the fine information here makes me want to diversify what I currently smoke.
> 
> Right now, the situation with my girl friend is that we live 45 minutes apart, so at best I see her twice a week, and 90% of the time at her place, and we're not taking it any more seriously than that, so I do not have to worry about a live-in situation. She is also extremely allergic to any smoke. So, if push came to shove, I would just quit the pipe, no question.
> 
> I was just more curious if others were in a similar situation and how they would handle it. Guess I'm the only one...


Well I guess this thread now has a different meaning. I would say there is a difference in letting people know you smoke a pipe and smoking in front of them. My family all know I smoke, I've been married to a non-smoker for 18y but I don't smoke in front of them and I have never smoked in the house (cigarettes, cigar's, or pipes). Now if I'm out smoking and they walk up to where I'm at, well, thats their deal, and there has been no disrespect.


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## john.s (Jan 6, 2009)

I was really young when I got into pipe smoking: 15 or maybe even a little younger. I hid it successfully until I was maybe 17, and the secrecy kind of reduced the enjoyment for me. I didn't like the idea of hiding it, but I was afraid I'd disappoint people - mostly my mom (she was a single mother). The year before I left for college, I started making noises about how cool it would be to smoke a pipe, another deception I'm not proud of. I was hoping for some kind of tacit approval before coming out with my decision to enjoy an occasional pipe. I guess the idea of my taking up a pipe wasn't high on my mom's list of parental worries. I kept smoking my pipe on the sly, but I stopped going out of my way to hide the evidence around the time I turned 18. I went public with the pipe at college. Very liberating, and after I found out I wasn't the only teenage pipe smoker in the world, I got very comfortable with it. On holiday break, my younger brother outed me. I had a brief shudder of anxiety, but my mom's reaction was one of mild surprise. "You smoke a pipe now? As long as all you smoke is pipe tobacco, I hope you enjoy it. A pipe really suits you." I was so relieved that I told her I'd been at it for a while, and she appreciated my honesty. Anyway, something to think about - sometimes people react to revelations in unexpected ways.


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## Davetopay (Jan 19, 2008)

I tend to agree with the "they know, but I don't do it around them out of respect" stance posted above. Both of my parents are non-smokers, my brother is a non-smoker. I still get crap about having been a cig smoker from my parents. Which I suppose is fine, even at 34, it just means they don't want to see me endanger my health. Therefore, I don't smoke around them. Really simple. I think it easily equates to my uneasiness about my Mom's...uhhhh....fervent and enthusiastic religious nature. I am not to into the whole organized religion thing, and she tries to tone it down a bit around me.


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## Mitch (Oct 2, 2009)

All my family and friends know I smoke cigars and a pipe (I think, I don't make a big deal about it). It is a hobby/relaxation think for me, not a habit. So I don't really smoke in front of them, unless they smoke also.And if they don't know, I see no reason in telling the world I do it. I have nothing to hide, nor anything to prove either.


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## mrsmitty (Jan 22, 2009)

Mitch said:


> All my family and friends know I smoke cigars and a pipe (I think, I don't make a big deal about it). It is a hobby/relaxation think for me, not a habit. So I don't really smoke in front of them, unless they smoke also.And if they don't know, I see no reason in telling the world I do it. I have nothing to hide, nor anything to prove either.


I agree. Everyone I know pretty much knows I smoke cigars because we have family events and well they've seen my cigar lounge and or my humidor in my room. The only person in my family who still doesn't approve of it is my grandmother but then again shes in her 90s and has seen several loved ones pass from cigarette smoking so I guess I don't blame her.


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## Magnate (Nov 27, 2009)

If someone doesn't love for you the true you, they don't love you. If you have to hide yourself from them, you are not being true to yourself or them. 

Everyone has vices...


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