# Icehog!! Satan Claus Is Coming To Town!



## Satan Claus (Dec 10, 2005)

*T*_was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Tom Murphy was sleeping, as drunk as a louse

His stockings were tossed by the bed with no care,
For he didn't know there was anyone there

A six pack was snuggled, all warm in his bed,
And a stack of old Playboys lay under his head
Resting beneath some ol' hockey team cap
Tom's eyes quickly opened with the urge to crap
When down in the basement arose such a clatter,
Tom sprang from the john to see what was the matter

With ol' fluffy Charmin still stuck to his foot
He bumped into a fat man all covered in soot
He looked at the man and asked "Are you ol' St. Nick?"
The man in red smiled and said "How 'bout a stick?"
He held out a handful of Cohiba Sublimes
Tom almost feinted, out of his mind
He gladly lit up what the man held in hand
And watched as the fellow went on with his plans

He pulled boxes and bundles from out of his bag,
Some whiskey, some bourbon, some **** and some swag
Tom nodded happily, puffing away
In celebration of this new Christmas day
When the man looked at Tom and gave him a wink
"How's this for presents, whaddya think?"

Tom smiled and asked just what he had done
To earn such a Christmas, filled with such fun
The man laughed aloud and said "This you'll be hatin'
I'm not secret Santa, I'm SECRET SATAN!"

And suddenly Tom was surrounded by flames
And Satan began chanting some familiar names
"I'm Beelzebub, Lucifer, you know, Ol' Scratch,
I'm the king of all vices, your soul I shall snatch!"
Tom held up his Cohibas "Hey, what can I say?
If there's more where these came from, just lead the way!"_

Watch your back, Tommy Boy!! I'm a' comin' fer ya!!


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## DonWeb (Jul 3, 2005)

Satan Claus said:


> Tom held up his Cohibas "Hey, what can I say?
> If there's more where these came from, just lead the way!"[/I]


icehog is goin' down. 

(mr. claus is pretty well spoken)


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## Moglman-cl (May 27, 2005)

Fan-friggin-tastic!!! Tom's getting his due, and there are only a few such creative lyricists in the jungle, I think we can guess from who(m). 

:r :r


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## DownUnder LLG (Mar 29, 2005)

Look out Tom... I think you're toast dude.

I'm not as fast on the uptake as moglman, probably cos I'm still suffering 3rd deg burns from that bloody sauce he sent me, so I can't who it is that wrote this at the minute. But man that is excellent, very very funny.


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## joed (Nov 12, 2005)

I don't know what happens next - but that made me laugh and laugh - great stuff. Thanks for brightening up an evening.


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## SlimDiesel (Apr 13, 2005)

As long as we're roastin the pig, I claim a chop and a few ribs.


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## kansashat (Mar 13, 2004)

I saw someone else mis-spell "faint" the other day........


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## kansashat (Mar 13, 2004)

kansashat said:


> I saw someone else mis-spell "faint" the other day........


I came up with 3 suspects who mis-spell the word "faint."

1. Dr. Stogie Fresh
2. kamikaiguy
3. moki

hmmmm...........


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## RPB67 (Mar 26, 2005)

Tom looks like its into the boards for you and there is no escape.

BBBBBBBBBWWWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHAAAA !!!!!!!!


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## Satan Claus (Dec 10, 2005)

Whoops, Satan Claus made a grammatical error! 

That still doesn't change the fact that Tom Murphy's soul is MINE!! 

BWAAAAAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!


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## Satan Claus (Dec 10, 2005)

Hmmmmm...has Tom skittered off to hide 'neath the Christmas tree??


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## icehog3 (Feb 20, 2005)

Holy crap, I just saw this post and almost pi$$ed myself laughing!! One of the funniest things I've read all year, and right in my direction. :r 

Satan Claus, I am thinking now of Jon Lovitz in his Satan costume...coming closer and closer to the camera...."MWA HA HA....MWA HA HA HA...COUGH COUGH WHEEZE ACKKKKKK!!!"

Thanks Satan, for making my day...and sounds like my soul will soon be yours...but hey, what the Hell, right? You only live once.


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## JezterVA (Sep 8, 2005)

:r 

Excellent post Mr. Claus, you dastardly devil.


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## Satan Claus (Dec 10, 2005)

Jingle yer' bells, Tommy Boy, 'cause Satan Claus is on the way!!!

*0305 0830 0004 0108 7032*​
(*start's humming Flight of the Valkyries*) doo doo de doo doooo doooo doo de dooo doo....


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## icehog3 (Feb 20, 2005)

Satan Claus said:


> Jingle yer' bells, Tommy Boy, 'cause Satan Claus is on the way!!!
> 
> *0305 0830 0004 0108 7032*​
> (*start's humming Flight of the Valkyries*) doo doo de doo doooo doooo doo de dooo doo....


Hey...that's my Visa number and PIN code!! I knew it! My soul is yours!! Take me, Satan Claus!! :hn


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## miki (Jun 21, 2005)

icehog3 said:


> Hey...that's my Visa number and PIN code!! I knew it! My soul is yours!! Take me, Satan Claus!! :hn


I'm off to do all my Christmas shopping now....YAY!!!! Thanks Satan Clause.

:r


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## txmatt (May 22, 2004)

Wonderful Poem!

can't wait to find out what is inside the box!

-Matt-


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## ShawnP (Oct 18, 2005)

txmatt said:


> Wonderful Poem!
> 
> can't wait to find out what is inside the box!
> 
> -Matt-


WHAT'S IN THE BOX

AHHHHH

WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOXXXXXX

and scene!!!


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## Satan Claus (Dec 10, 2005)

ShawnP said:


> WHAT'S IN THE BOX
> 
> AHHHHH
> 
> ...


Actually I don't even remember!! But it's EVIL, I tells ya!! EVIL!!!


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## knuckles (Mar 24, 2005)

hehehe....

Look out Tom. Rogue Santas' can down-right nasty!


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## Satan Claus (Dec 10, 2005)

knuckles said:


> hehehe....
> 
> Look out Tom. Rogue Santas' can down-right nasty!


And oftentimes quite drunk!! :al


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## icehog3 (Feb 20, 2005)

Satan.... I told you that my soul was yours...do you want my body too??? :r 

Christmas came early in the quiet Chicago burbs today...a package with Satan as the return addressee didn't even raise the postal carrier's eyebrows...as I am sure he is one of your apostles! That third eye on the back of his head as he walked away was a dead giveaway!

As I opened the exteroir box to find a giftwrapped box inside...with Satan Claus' picture staring into my soul...I knew I was powerless to resist. As I unwrapped the box, the slightly putrid odor of thong underwear wafted from the contents...and what I suspected since joining CS had been confimed...Jim is in fact the AntiSanta. He tempts with gifts that would convert the Pope. 

Season 3 of the Family Guy, maybe the funniest show that I just don't get to see enough of...that will change....seems like a fair tradeoff for an eternity in the North Pole...or South Hell!

Then the 'gars....The Last Temptation of Hog. A beautiful mix of NCs and Habanos.....Opus X, Olivas, CAO CX2, Partagas, Bolivar, Upmann, Hoyo, Fonseca...on and on and on. The first puff will undoubtedly bring Old Scratch to my house for his due. 

Jim, you have been a great friend to me since I joined, and even more so as of late (you know why). This gift couldn't have come at a more welcome time, as your friendship means much to me....I hope your Christmas is as Merry as you've made mine. Thank you Brother.


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## DonWeb (Jul 3, 2005)

nicely constructed temptations there ice...

by the way -- is there hockey in hades??


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## DonJefe (Dec 1, 2003)

Very nice! Kudos to Satan!


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## icehog3 (Feb 20, 2005)

dumonweb said:


> nicely constructed temptations there ice...
> 
> by the way -- is there hockey in hades??


If there isn't Tony, the whole deal is off!! :r


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## horrorview (Jan 27, 2005)

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!! I can finally stop being Satan Claus (which was tough because I constantly found myself chiming in on threads unaware that I was still logged in as my holiday alter-ego!)

Glad ya like it Tom! I figured that Family Guy would definitely get you into a nice frame of mind for the holiday season!  

Enjoy my friend!!


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## Da Klugs (Jan 8, 2005)

Very cool. Nice handle Jim.


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## icehog3 (Feb 20, 2005)

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to horrorview again." :c


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## horrorview (Jan 27, 2005)

Da Klugs said:


> Very cool. Nice handle Jim.


Nice handle? You should see my spout! (rimshot!)

Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week!


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## leicoolya (Sep 7, 2005)

icehog3 said:


> "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to horrorview again." :c


I got your back Ice


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## icehog3 (Feb 20, 2005)

leicoolya said:


> I got your back Ice


You da Man, Adam!


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