# There once was a B&M in Nantucket...



## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

To celebrate the verge of being credit card debt free - I would like to host a little limerick contest. 

Here are the rules:

1. Only 1 entry per member
2. PM me the limerick- don't post it here. 
3. I will compile the limericks, put them in a thread without attributing the author and then people can vote on the best limerick. Its not supposed to be a popularity contest so no behind the scenes rigging please. 
4. Split decision will be decided by the hoster (me)
5. Winner will receive 3 tins selected by me - although I will tailor it to the winners general preferences (ie VA, Vapers, eng, etc).
6. Limerick can be about anything but should be at least marginally pipe related. 

Deadline is....umm....how about Midnight at Halloween. Get your inkwells out.


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

We have our first entry and its a doozy!


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

Another limerick in and its a contender I tells ya!


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

One more limerick for the limerick pile. Its gonna be a close one.


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

Up to four swanky limericks. Keep 'em coming says I!


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

I already submitted my entry... can I post more Limericks in here just for fun? I need a poetic outlet... and you guys are soooo easy to abuse.

Can I? Huh? Huh?


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

Hydrated said:


> I already submitted my entry... can I post more Limericks in here just for fun? I need a poetic outlet... and you guys are soooo easy to abuse.
> 
> Can I? Huh? Huh?


There once was a poster named Tzilt
A limerick contest he built
Hydrated penned one , thought it so much fun
He couldn't keep the rest un'er his kilt

Go for it.


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

tzilt said:


> There once was a poster named Tzilt
> A limerick contest he built
> Hydrated penned one , thought it so much fun
> He couldn't keep the rest un'er his kilt
> ...


Oh no he di'int... GAME ON!

LIMERICK BATTLE!!! :gn


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

Back at ya!

To his money this Tzilt was no slave,
His debt he dismissed with a wave,
As he sat on the verge,
He fought the strong urge,
To buy tins with the cash he would save.

I'm waiting for other targets to poke their heads in on this thread. :chk


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

That is too good! I can't believe you sent me that rubbish limerick for the contest and blew your load for free in here! Just kidding. 

Okay....(fyi all my limericks start with 'There once was' )

There once was a chap named Hydrated
For his lim'rick we patiently waited
He sat and he thought
The good fight was fought
And he graciously shared what he created

 *R**eminder*: Before anyone puts a limerick in here dont forget to submit one to me via PM for the contest!!



Hydrated said:


> Back at ya!
> 
> To his money this Tzilt was no slave,
> His debt he dismissed with a wave,
> ...


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

tzilt said:


> That is too good! I can't believe you sent me that rubbish limerick for the contest and blew your load for free in here!


What can I say?

I have mad skillz!


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

There once was a pug who hadta pee
but his method was an anomaly
his thrust his heinie up high
for no reason why
and then he Hydrated a tree



Hydrated said:


> What can I say?
> 
> I have mad skillz!


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

tzilt said:


> There once was a pug who hadta pee
> but his method was an anomaly
> his thrust his heinie up high
> for no reason why
> and then he Hydrated a tree


QUIT!! :r :r

My coworkers think I'm an insane cackling idiot...

That is the funniest damn thing I've read in ages! Excellent job... most excellent!

OK... I can tell this is gonna get ugly... hmmmmm....


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

OK.

It's time for a gratuitous attack on another innocent forum member. This one came to me as I rode my bicycle home from work this evening:

He lives up in North Cackalacky,
And smokes mediocre t'baccy,
But his pipe would smoke better,
Neither warmer nor wetter,
If we could get Moo to load and not packy.

Bueller?


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## Mister Moo (Sep 8, 2005)

Hydrated said:


> OK... I can tell this is gonna get ugly... hmmmmm....


Ooo! Oooo! I gotta good one.

(I only need two more words that rhyme with Icehog3.)


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

Mister Moo said:


> (I only need two more words that rhyme with Icehog3.)



chickadee
barratry


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

Help... I can't stop myself!

When faced with a tobacco glut,
It became a huge pain in the butt,
When poor rx2010,
With patience quite thin,
Screamed "Help! My window's painted shut!"


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## rx2010 (Jan 4, 2007)

Hydrated said:


> Help... I can't stop myself!
> 
> When faced with a tobacco glut,
> It became a huge pain in the butt,
> ...


:r awesome!

yeah, stupid thing got the best of me... for now:mn


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## Slow Triathlete (Jun 14, 2007)

Here's a feebie:

I went out and bought a new pipe
It was as simple as a credit card swipe
The pipe maker is well known
It cost as much as a car loan
But will it live up to the hype


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

Slow Triathlete said:


> Here's a feebie:
> 
> I went out and bought a new pipe
> It was as simple as a credit card swipe
> ...


Excellent Limerick! Very nice!

Here's mine for the day:

*EvanS always claims to like Burley,
In his fight to avoid looking girly,
It makes sense don't you see?
'Cause he smokes potpourri,
But we knew all along he was squirrely!*

Ahhh... there... I feel better now!


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## TheTraveler (Aug 20, 2008)

While burning your favorite tobacco
Be it sharp or sweet or mellow.
Don't forget the decorum
Learned on the pipe forum -
Now point your pipe at some fellow.


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## Slow Triathlete (Jun 14, 2007)

Another freebie:

There once was a blend named Best Brown
Who most thought was the best blend around
Others were close
Some offended the nose
But it is my favorite hands down


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

Ha! Some great limerickers in here. Limerists? Limerades? Limerickinators?

Remember...before you post a limerick in here be sure to PM one to me in a top secret manner. There are 3 tins on the line.


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

Darn... no new material?


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## TheTraveler (Aug 20, 2008)

Hydrated said:


> Darn... no new material?


There once was a man who wrote lines
'Bout pipes and baccy so fine
Then one day his brain
Went right down the drain
And no more wise words could he find.


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

TheTraveler said:


> There once was a man who wrote lines
> 'Bout pipes and baccy so fine
> Then one day his brain
> Went right down the drain
> And no more wise words could he find.


THAT'S what I'm talking 'bout! :tu:tu


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## rx2010 (Jan 4, 2007)

see, I would attempt to come up with one, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't come close to what's been submitted


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## TheTraveler (Aug 20, 2008)

After studying the complection
Of the limericks in this section
I now understand
How a pipe in the hand
Is an aid to thoughtful reflection.

p


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## Slow Triathlete (Jun 14, 2007)

I was out smoking my pipe on the deck
Trying my darndest to keep a wet blend in check
I puff it real quick
Then suddenly feel sick
Now I feel like a complete wreck


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## Slow Triathlete (Jun 14, 2007)

Escudo oh how I love thee
When I smoke you I suddenly feel free
I hold you on high
Way up in the sky
For all of my brothers to see


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## Slow Triathlete (Jun 14, 2007)

This one's a stretch:

There once was a piper called Hydrated
Whose addiction he had so long abated
He discovered a pipe
And some tobacco that was ripe
Now all of his chores are abdicated


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

Gems each and every one! thanks guys. p

Scott you shouldn't smoke so fast!

Traveler, I really thought yours was going to end...

"Leaves only one for my...." err nevermind. 

And to anyone who has not submitted a limerick...

PM a limerick to me all secret like! Its a contest with 3 tins on the line (see beginning of the thread)


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## TheTraveler (Aug 20, 2008)

tzilt said:


> Traveler, I really thought yours was going to end...
> 
> "Leaves only one for my...." err nevermind.


:r :r :r I didn't even think of that!


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

Slow Triathlete said:


> This one's a stretch:
> 
> There once was a piper called Hydrated
> Whose addiction he had so long abated
> ...


Ahhhh... so you obviously know me! 

Great action happening in Limerickville!! Now I have to go think of a good one... Hmmmmmmm...


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## TheTraveler (Aug 20, 2008)

There once was a fat little duckling
Whose quacks made the horse start bucking.
To the duck's dismay
He heard the farmer say
This duck looks just right for plucking.




Of all the uses of fire
There is no purpose higher
Than touching a spill
To a bowl of Dunhill
And feeling your smile grow wider.


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

Bump!

T minus 5 days until *Total Limerick Annihilation Showdown!*

If you haven't submitted a Limerick, do so, Toot Sweet!

PM me your limerick and then you will be in the running to win fabulous prizes.

Don't post your limerick in here though. Cuz its a secret blind ballot. 
p


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## TheTraveler (Aug 20, 2008)

Instead of lighting a pipe
And tinkering around with Skype
I'll sit like a sloth
And hack and cough
'Cause the flu sucks much more than hype! 

( hehe, hype reference  )


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## Hydrated (Aug 9, 2006)

Shhhhh.... I'm composin' my victory Limerick.


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

T minus 1 day!

If you haven't submitted a limerick yet there is still time. PM me your limerick and let the masses decide if you are chock full of Limericky goodness. Winner gets fabulous prizes. Deadline is midnight tomorrow. 

Remember: PM me your limerick, dont post it in here.


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## TheTraveler (Aug 20, 2008)

There once was a limerick contest
A wild and zany fun fest
When 'twas said and done
All the entrants had fun
No matter who was judged best



Thanks for running this fun contest tzilt! :tu


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## Secret Santa (Nov 30, 2003)

Since it isn't pipe related I'll post it here:

There once was a Hog from the ice,
Who thought Gurkhas and RP's were nice.
Then along came DaKlugs,
With ancient Lunch Clubs,
And IceHog had found a new vice.

p


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## TheTraveler (Aug 20, 2008)

Secret Santa said:


> Since it isn't pipe related I'll post it here:
> 
> There once was a Hog from the ice,
> Who thought Gurkhas and RP's were nice.
> ...


 Nice one Santa.


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

Happy *Halloween* everyone! p

T minus 5 hours before *TOTAL LIMERICK MELTDOWN!!!!
*
If you haven't submitted one yet there is still time. PM me your limerick for your chance to show everyone your limerick chops.

T minus 5 hours!

When the clock strikes 12 we vote for the winner.


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## tzilt (Nov 20, 2007)

Below are the entries so far, but if you haven't submitted one yet you have until midnight to do so. The voting will commence tomorrow AM bright and early.

(sorry but there is no way I can stay up til midnight, im getting old.  )

without further ado, the entries thus far:_
I once knew a man with a pipe
Who could not find a gal his type
Only 3 feet she would stand
Tobacco and pipe in hand
And always ready with a light

CS supports its troops
I sit here writing on a stoop
I am here at war
mind and body are sore
to smoke a pipe till I POOP.

Time rolls inexorably on.
Towards the grave we all run.
But before we arrive
We are yet alive
So smoke another pipe and have fun!

A lawyer from west of St. Lou
Owned a leghorn he wanted to screw.
His good friends all poo-pooed it,
'Cept his broker (said, "Do it!")
And his banker merely said,
"Ewe it."

A man eagerly tried out his shiny new pipe
The Tabac smelled of cherries oh so ripe
He sucked in real hard
his mouth got charred
Now he thinks all aromatics are tripe

the wise old man smoked his escudo,
latakia's a blend he would not do,
he used to post on CS,
got tired of the BS,
dang if he cares, one more bowl of escudo.

Some practice this piping does take,
To smoke so your tongue doesn't ache,
Don't dump that bowl early,
That's some excellent Burley,
Besides, it'll help you build cake!

I know a pipe smoker named Moo
Who really enjoyed his beef stew
While having a smoke
He is a jolly old bloke
But most think that he's sniffing glue_​


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