# St. James Flake, JackKnife Plug, Tambo, Anni Kake, Old Red, and Stonehaven [contest]



## drastic_quench (Sep 12, 2008)

What do all of these tobaccos have in common? Answer: I blended them. I had some left overs and some samples, and I can't waste tobacco letting it dry out in a Ziploc, so they were rubbed out and blended in a single 4oz Ball jar. I was prepared for a lackluster, muddled result, but magic happened in that jar. They were all mixed in roughly equal proportions except for Tambolaka (I used a half portion) and Stonehaven (I threw in a pinch for luck). They married fantastically. I've dubbed the mix Flux-Capacitor -- "the thing that makes time travel possible" because this thing smokes full and flavorful enough to transport you. The individual flavors are not distinctive; it's a true blend, and somehow very reminiscent of a cigar.

Needless to say, the components are not easy to come by, and most of what I used had _years _of age on it already. But it's so good, I can't keep it to myself. So here's the contest: pipe smoking haiku. The format is three lines (unrhymed) of 5, 7, and 5 syllables. I'll pick two winners when the entries taper off, and they'll each get a bowlful in the mail.


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## dbreazeale (Apr 6, 2008)

My Tobacco Blend
The Bruyere, Devine Portal
Tasted Like Chicken
:eyebrows:


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## InsidiousTact (Dec 3, 2010)

Sitting by the door,
Waiting, anticipating,
A package arrives


Just to check, we can keep trying, right?


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Two arcane burn piles
Assembled sweet to tempt you
Poetaster bait


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## drastic_quench (Sep 12, 2008)

InsidiousTact said:


> Just to check, we can keep trying, right?


Yes.


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## Troutman22 (Feb 2, 2011)

My last puff floats off
I am downcast yet again
StoneHaven - Out of Stock

:rockon:


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## stevodenteufel (Mar 5, 2011)

My pipe lays there cracked
Perhaps of too much neglect
Maybe I can try again

5,7,5 right?


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## Xodar (Mar 4, 2011)

Fire kisses the leaf
Smoke travels through my mouth and
Goes out, too damn wet


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## Xodar (Mar 4, 2011)

What made me think that
I smoked that pipefull too fast
The fire on my tongue


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## InsidiousTact (Dec 3, 2010)

What shall I try next?
Finger is on the trigger,
Wallet becomes light.


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## Xodar (Mar 4, 2011)

Gawith Dunhill Pease
My tastebuds to taste and please
Baccy limerick?

All hai'kidding aside, the sequel could be the tobacco limerick /nod. 
A great idea
Mr. Moo, Now I cannot
stop this damn haiku


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## User Name (Feb 11, 2011)

Xodar said:


> Gawith Dunhill Pease
> My tastebuds to taste and please
> Baccy limerick?
> 
> ...


lol at Mr. Moo. You mean DQ?


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## Xodar (Mar 4, 2011)

User Name said:


> lol at Mr. Moo. You mean DQ?


 HAHAHA, Yup. I was even aware of the avatar agenda of Mr. Moo. I was angling for that torrent copy of the Kings Speech /nod

So the original would be 
A great idea
Drastic Q, now I cannot
stop this damn haiku

and the follow up has to be
Mr. Moo's sudden
Plagiarism of icons
makes John look foolish :redface:


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## DirtyBlackSocks (Jan 6, 2011)

Packed tightly with cake
Smoke on for minutes then hours
Pipe gurgles like bong


Ignorance is bliss
Smoke "that which shall not be named"
Licorice flavor...


Smoking on Penzance
A great, fun experience
Then the wife bitches

Wife says I must stop
I persistently do not
Now in apartment


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## donovanrichardson (Nov 10, 2010)

Excellent contest idea, I absolutely love it!

Puff, my friend, my foe,
So many blends, little time,
So much money spent!


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## donovanrichardson (Nov 10, 2010)

Pipe puffing away,
The smoke rolling like thunder,
Stoney is beauty

Samuel Gawith,
An old, kind brother and friend
Tasty blends, he makes


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## User Name (Feb 11, 2011)

Xodar said:


> HAHAHA, Yup. I was even aware of the avatar agenda of Mr. Moo.


It's ok.

There is no cow level


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Elusive Flakes and Kakes
Create their smoky time warp
Sneaky nicotine


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## Xodar (Mar 4, 2011)

User Name said:


> It's ok.
> 
> There is no cow level


 That cracked me up. How many folks around here get Diablo jokes. And there is so a cow level, it involves the stump of a leg if my decade+ old memories are accurate.

Nice one Freestoke, sneaky nicotine rolls off the tongue so well I am jealous I didn't think of it, lol.

I want to stuff a flake
but yesterday flaked too much,
now my tongue is scorched


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## User Name (Feb 11, 2011)

Xodar said:


> That cracked me up. How many folks around here get Diablo jokes. And there is so a cow level, it involves the stump of a leg if my decade+ old memories are accurate.
> 
> Nice one Freestoke, sneaky nicotine rolls off the tongue so well I am jealous I didn't think of it, lol.
> 
> ...


Ha, can't tell you how many times I've ran away from that damn cow king so I could still make portals.

man, DIII is going to kill my social life

You need the cube, inside the cube goes the peg leg from the dead kid from the first game (alive in the first game, although you wish you could kill him because the little cripple boy always cheated you out of money), and you need a tome of portal or town portal or something like that.


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## Jivey (Dec 6, 2010)

EDIT: Place holder for pipe tobacco limerick. Didn't see the pipe stipulation at the beginning!


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## Xodar (Mar 4, 2011)

User Name said:


> Ha, can't tell you how many times I've ran away from that damn cow king so I could still make portals.
> 
> *man, DIII is going to kill my social life*
> 
> You need the cube, inside the cube goes the peg leg from the dead kid from the first game (alive in the first game, although you wish you could kill him because the little cripple boy always cheated you out of money), and you need a tome of portal or town portal or something like that.


 F#$%!
/echo
Witchdoctor ftw:rockon:
And good pull on the recipe, I think you are correct. Now we have to seque into Diablo pipe smoking Haiku to stay on topic.
Social life is gone
almost all my sockets full
except pipe socket

/exits to smoke


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## GreatBonsai (Jun 30, 2008)

Smoke Inside, not I!
Outside I must go, it's cold!
Penzance warms the soul

Flake packed Killarney
With Guinness right beside me
Made St. Pats lovely


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## stevodenteufel (Mar 5, 2011)

I can care less if I win or not, some of these are pretty great to read. Great work guys, puff should have a poetry corner :eyebrows:


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## DirtyBlackSocks (Jan 6, 2011)

Blue smoke wafts slowly.
Bringing senses changed and relaxed.
Slight tongue bite brings change.


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## ruralhipster (Jan 15, 2010)

driving or at rest
with briar, meerschaum or cob
tobacco is joy


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Back to the future
Sot weed saved from yesteryear
Wonderful weird now


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## jader (Feb 22, 2011)

rubbed and filled gently
excitedly ignited 
her bowl brings pleasure


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## Xodar (Mar 4, 2011)

early morning pipe
What shall I put inside you
Early Morning Pipe


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Xodar said:


> early morning pipe
> What shall I put inside you
> Early Morning Pipe


Neat!

Lots of cool haikus from everybody!

Great thread idea, DQ!! :tu


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## User Name (Feb 11, 2011)

jader said:


> rubbed and filled gently
> excitedly ignited
> her bowl brings pleasure


oh man, this could be so wrong if you added ONE letter to ONE word.


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Hand held furnaces
Hidden embers create clouds
Wonderful lit leaves


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## Stonedog (Mar 9, 2011)

Here's a noob-ku about last night's smoke:

shiney new briar
first taste of latakia
why wont you stay lit


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## jader (Feb 22, 2011)

User Name said:


> oh man, this could be so wrong if you added ONE letter to ONE word.


I am a huge fan of double entendres in poetry ipe:


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## jader (Feb 22, 2011)

properly dried toe,
back oh, helps keep that flavor,
de-lish-eee-oo-so


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## Xodar (Mar 4, 2011)

My pipe just went out
Work is finally over
Time to load one more

And I haven't been doing this long enough for it to come up until now, but I am totally going to start throwing crumbs, flake ends, and the odd bag end into a mason jar. It's like that "mystery blend" my B&M makes from the bottoms of their bulk containers that scares me so much, but full of tobaccos I liked.


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## jfdiii (Nov 12, 2010)

Full Virginia Flake
Everyone says sublime
I think it's okay


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## jfdiii (Nov 12, 2010)

St James and Jackknife,
Tambo, Anni, Red, Stoney
Love you Drastic Quench


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## Thirston (Feb 2, 2011)

How my Drama Reserve smoking sessions usually go-

Puff too slow or fast
Don’t get the flavor to last
Angry and downcast


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## jfdiii (Nov 12, 2010)

Walnut I love you
Middleton so much maligned
They just don't get it


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## jfdiii (Nov 12, 2010)

Smoking on my pipe
Quickly check my watch for time
Oops I did it wrong

This is fun


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## jfdiii (Nov 12, 2010)

Newbie Sampler Trade
Too lazy to get in it
Wallet regrets it


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## jfdiii (Nov 12, 2010)

Hijack thread I did
Apologies, I can't stop
More haikus to come?


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## bigdaddychester (Feb 22, 2010)

Yea, To own a pipe
Oh, the dreadful P A D
Be strong thin wallet!


Newly acquired
You must have been heaven scent
Penzance, how you tease


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## strongirish (Dec 11, 2008)

Morning light has come
I go out for the best smoke of the day
Darn my lighter does not have fluid!


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## donovanrichardson (Nov 10, 2010)

strongirish said:


> Morning light has come
> I go out for the best smoke of the day
> Darn my lighter does not have fluid!


I think you have a few too many syllables there haha!


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Red, black, brown, blonde blend
That stuff should be illegal
Send it all to me


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## jader (Feb 22, 2011)

unbelievable
conceptualization
assimilated


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## strongirish (Dec 11, 2008)

Sorry you feel that way Donovan, so I am not a poet, I tried and that is what I came up with. Maybe the judge will have mercy on me.


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

strongirish said:


> Sorry you feel that way Donovan, so I am not a poet, I tried and that is what I came up with. Maybe the judge will have mercy on me.


What you came up with was simply against the rules. There are not two correct opinions about:

"So here's the contest: pipe smoking haiku. *The format is three lines (unrhymed) of 5, 7, and 5 syllables.*"

It seems you might have missed this, that's all. Hey, the Irish are the best poets around! I think you've got a haiku in there somewhere.


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## donovanrichardson (Nov 10, 2010)

strongirish said:


> Sorry you feel that way Donovan, so I am not a poet, I tried and that is what I came up with. Maybe the judge will have mercy on me.


I meant no offense whatsoever Earl, I apologize deeply. I was merely stating that the rules for writing a haiku, were the 5, 7, 5 syllables per line. That's all my man, otherwise, a very good poem!


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## strongirish (Dec 11, 2008)

To be honest I have never even heard of a haiku. I just thought everyone was throwing out a little ditty. I did not mean to sound so stern. No offense taken.


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## Xodar (Mar 4, 2011)

How many puffs does it
Take to reach the center of
Tootsie Roll Aro?


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## Contrabass Bry (May 3, 2010)

Blue, smoky tendrils
Lift my burdens and spirit
My nicotine dream


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Nasty stuff, sot weed
Or so they scream at us now
Blow smoke in their faces


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## Contrabass Bry (May 3, 2010)

Taste buds are crying
Sumo shit on burning tire
Curse you vulcanite




What? :dunno: I have to go the "legit" and "funny" route....

Well, hopefully it's funny.


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## User Name (Feb 11, 2011)

sumo shit, huh.

You just blew my mind.


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## Contrabass Bry (May 3, 2010)

It does cause one's mind to reel from the intricacies...


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## Stonedog (Mar 9, 2011)

Contrabass Bry said:


> Blue, smoky tendrils
> Lift my burdens and spirit
> My nicotine dream


this


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

freestoke said:


> Nasty stuff, sot weed
> Or so they scream at us now
> Blow smoke in their faces


Sheesh...learn to count, Jim!

Nasty stuff, sot weed
Or so they scream at us now
Smoke at their faces

neah...

HAH!!!

Nasty stuff, sot weed
Or so they scream at us now
Blow smoke up their butts

I don't know. That doesn't sound like all that much fun. Maybe it's unsalvageable.


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## User Name (Feb 11, 2011)

freestoke said:


> Sheesh...learn to count, Jim!
> 
> Nasty stuff, sot weed
> Or so they scream at us now
> ...


Up their butts, or at their butts?

Up just seems so complicated.


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## Contrabass Bry (May 3, 2010)

Just came back from an awesome bowl of Royal yacht and this came to mind:

Simple briar vessel
My heart to swell, mind take wing
With you 'tween my lips


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## Commander Quan (May 6, 2003)

Oh Latakia
How you smell like burning poo
Keeps the flies away


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## Xodar (Mar 4, 2011)

Whether it be cob
Or briar pipe or meerschaum
fill you and light you


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## Commander Quan (May 6, 2003)

Are you spending more
On that damn pipe tobacco?
Oh Shit, I'm busted


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## Commander Quan (May 6, 2003)

Sprinkle, Sprinkle, Light
Puff, Puff, Tamp, Breath in, Breath Out
Puff, Relax, Release


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## drastic_quench (Sep 12, 2008)

That was fun. freestoke and Contrabass Bry win.



freestoke said:


> Hand held furnaces
> Hidden embers create clouds
> Wonderful lit leaves





Contrabass Bry said:


> Blue, smoky tendrils
> Lift my burdens and spirit
> My nicotine dream


Cheers, briar brothers
with imagery inspired
PM your address.


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

drastic_quench said:


> That was fun. freestoke and Contrabass Bry win.
> 
> Cheers, briar brothers
> with imagery inspired
> PM your address.


Fantastic! Thanks, DQ, it's on the way! Can't wait to give it a go -- and a review, of course!

Hey Contrabass, we'll be teammates in the next Pipe Smoking Olympics! (This was qualifier, right?)


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## donovanrichardson (Nov 10, 2010)

Congratulations to the winners, excellent haiku writing brothers! Some of them were really, really good and should be published haha!


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## Xodar (Mar 4, 2011)

Congratulations Contrabass Bry and Freestoke, well deserved. Both of those paint a clear mental image.
And nice award Haiku DQ!


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

Set the WABAC machine to 1973, Sherman.  We will need to pick up a Sasieni Mayfair for our test. Normally, we would go back in time, but today it's forward, to meet Commander Quan, who should be arriving from his own past in the DeLorean with the Flux Capacitor. 

And here we are in Syracuse, 1973. Quick, Sherman, pay the man and set the WABAC to 2011!

And there's Commander Quan, right on schedule to meet us. The Mayfair is perfectly seasoned now for our test. Pack the bowl, Sherman!

It's burning beautifully, Commander Quan! Smooth, no bite whatsoever, a nice tweek to the sinuses on the snork. Delicious! The moisture level is perfect, everything cool and sweet. The tamper if you please, Sherman.

The smoke volume has increased by degrees, as expected, creamy and rich. Perhaps the Tambo, but the VitaNic gauge seems to be registering a significant nicotine level. Mark the room note, Sherman -- pleasing.

As we approach the end of our journey, the taste remains delightful. Done! Our choice of implements has proven perfect, with nothing but white ash remaining in the bowl. Excellent work with the pack, Sherman! As expected, our assiduous use of the small wooden tamper has succeeded in obviating the need for relights and rendered a perfect smoke from a perfect blend. 

Our congratulations to Commander Quan! His trip to his past has made our trip to the future most enjoyable. We will be sharing the rest with Rocky and Bullwinkle! Set the WABAC machine to 1959, Sherman! 

Goodbye, Commander Quan! If you're ever in the vicinity of 1959 to 1961, look us up! We'll be at ABC.


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## Contrabass Bry (May 3, 2010)

Sounds awesome! Patiently awaiting mine!


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## User Name (Feb 11, 2011)

I wouldn't smoke that stuff Bryan. It made Jim trip balls.


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## drastic_quench (Sep 12, 2008)

Well done, freestoke. Bravo. I also noticed that it gives off huge clouds of smoke.

Contrabass's was sent back by the USPS because the envelope ripped open. I missed the lobby hours today, but I've thrown in some extras for the slight inconvenience.


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

drastic_quench said:


> Well done, freestoke. Bravo. I also noticed that it gives off huge clouds of smoke.
> 
> Contrabass's was sent back by the USPS because the envelope ripped open. I missed the lobby hours today, but I've thrown in some extras for the slight inconvenience.


Hang tight, Bryan! It should arrive sometime last week. You can borrow DQ's DeLorean to pick it up.

Glad you liked Mr. Peabody's review, DQ! Thanks! :smile:


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## freestoke (Feb 13, 2011)

User Name said:


> I wouldn't smoke that stuff Bryan. It made Jim trip balls.


I'm not touching the stuff. I gave it all to Mr. Peabody. While my early education was left to the competent people at Warner Bros. and their formative Looney Tunes series, I took graduate studies at the Rocky J. Squirrel Institute. I donated the Flux Capacitor for a whopping tax write off.


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## jader (Feb 22, 2011)

Congrats Freestoke and Bryan! Not sure how I missed the winner announcement...


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## Eastree (Jan 28, 2012)

Everything goes in,
Anything may be returned.
I call it Scrapyard.

Too bad I didn't see this until this morning lol


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## Aquinas (Mar 30, 2010)

1.21 Gigawatts!!


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