# Say your prayers now if you want. Good Bye Nice Lady.



## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

Hi Folks
I have noticed some of of you have become close to Jessica and I too like her but it's time if you like her it may be a good time to say goodbye. I hear Elvis say's her day's are numbered.  Sorry Little Lady Elvis has spoken and is seldom wrong! one good thing is he works slow so you should have time to get your affairs in order.

Good Bye Nice Lady. :angel:

Dave and Elvis


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## hardcz (Aug 1, 2007)

Awwww


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## lostdog13 (Jan 16, 2012)

Good luck Jessica. Might be a good time to visit NORAD


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## Fuzzy (Jun 19, 2011)

lostdog13 said:


> Good luck Jessica. Might be a good time to visit NORAD


Or,,, buy stock in Tupperware!


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## the_brain (May 1, 2011)

*Brain: *The highland lass, she will be missed...


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## Hannibal (Apr 22, 2011)

HOLY HELL!!!!!!!!! 

Been nice knowing you Jessica!!!

When uncle Dave speaks people get demolished!!!


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## Oldmso54 (Jul 31, 2010)

ray: :rip:


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## socalocmatt (Dec 22, 2010)

Oldmso54 said:


> ray: :rip:


My thought exactly.


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## piperdown (Jul 19, 2009)

socalocmatt said:


> My thought exactly.


Diito^^


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## hachigo (Feb 14, 2012)

I don't think I've ever seen a Smelvis bombs, but I've heard the legends. I can't wait to see this one opcorn:


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## Fuzzy (Jun 19, 2011)

At least she has time to prepare, if that can even be done.


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## mcgreggor57 (Nov 3, 2011)

Oh Snap!


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## 36Bones (Aug 18, 2011)

This is not going to be pretty. :fear:


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## Josh Lucky 13 (Dec 23, 2010)

Can she get a cigar savor bunker built in time?


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## max gas (Apr 11, 2011)

hachigo said:


> I don't think I've ever seen a Smelvis bombs, but I've heard the legends. I can't wait to see this one opcorn:


His bombs are epic, Brent. This will be spectacular.

Nice knowing you Jessica


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## Packerjh (Nov 29, 2009)

Meh...she has wrecked my home twice already...kick her ass Smelvis!!!


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## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

And then the cold war....wasn't.

It's been nice knowing you, sweet lady.


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## sweater88 (Jul 31, 2011)

oh geez...I can't wait for all the noobs to see what Dave does here....this is going to be epic


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## jaysalti (Apr 6, 2012)

This outta be a entertaining... Never seen a smelvis bombing before, but hear the tales of grief and horror that are left in the wake. 

Can wait! opcorn:


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## HugSeal (Dec 5, 2011)

Goodbye, farewell and hejdå


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## loulax07 (Dec 17, 2011)

Unleash the fury!


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## StogieNinja (Jul 29, 2009)

Hehehe.


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

...

Did I flirt too much? Did I not flirt enough? Why, oh why, must I be put through such torture before I die!!


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## Michigan_Moose (Oct 11, 2011)

Make an example of her Dave!

:director:


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## ouirknotamuzd (Jan 29, 2011)

hachigo said:


> I don't think I've ever seen a Smelvis bombs, but I've heard the legends. I can't wait to see this one opcorn:


trust me, Hach...you never ever EVER want to see a Smelvis bomb...or receive one, for that matter....I have and it's not pretty

Jessica....I'd suggest relocation, if I were you.....remember the last time a guy followed the instructions his dog gave him?

good to see you back in action, Ancient Dave


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## TonyBrooklyn (Jan 28, 2010)

ray2:ray2:ray2:ray2:ray2:ray2:ray2:ray2:ray2:ray2:ray2:ray2:ray2:


piperdown said:


> Diito^^


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## sweater88 (Jul 31, 2011)

ouirknotamuzd said:


> trust me, Hach...you never ever EVER want to see a Smelvis bomb...or receive one, for that matter....I have and it's not pretty
> 
> Jessica....I'd suggest relocation, if I were you.....remember the last time a guy followed the instructions his dog gave him?
> 
> good to see you back in action, Ancient Dave


Pinhead is right Jessica, just relocate....You are in Apple Valley right now, so my guess is the explosion about to hit you is going to be felt all the way to Baker. I sure hope the world's largest thermometer can stand up through the blast......


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## V-ret (Jun 25, 2012)

The anticipation. You all do a great job of pumping up the excitement.

No Mercy!


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## tatubom1 (Jan 10, 2010)

:violin:Jessica i hope everything is payed up for you.


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## cigargirlie (Jul 18, 2012)

jphank said:


> ...
> 
> Did I flirt too much? Did I not flirt enough? Why, oh why, must I be put through such torture before I die!!


Jessica,
Did you offer home bake goodies so they wouldn't torture you? Man, I was actually looking forward to getting to know you here my fellow SOTL. It was nice knowing you..


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## android (Feb 27, 2012)

hachigo said:


> I don't think I've ever seen a Smelvis bombs, but I've heard the legends. I can't wait to see this one opcorn:


you and me both Brent.


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

I better go to Sunset Hills tomorrow and pay for my niche' for my ashes...


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## IBEW (Jan 17, 2009)

sweater88 said:


> just relocate...


Ha, this is a Smelvis bomb we're talking about, 
you can run but you just can't hide! ound:


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## DSturg369 (Apr 6, 2008)

Things are about to get All Shook Up at Heartbreak Hotel for sure!


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## DarrelMorris (Feb 7, 2012)

I'm going to miss you Jessica.


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## lasix (Mar 25, 2012)

Au revoir Jessica


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

Hi all
I am getting closer Brad aka skfr518 a good friend was over smoking with me today his wife sent a nice card and photo as a Thanks for some Mariners tickets. Thanks Brad for taking some of my shipping load off my hands and helping me to figure out what to send to this nice Lady 


Soon


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## primetime76 (Feb 8, 2011)

smelvis said:


> Hi Folks
> I have noticed some of of you have become close to Jessica and I too like her but it's time if you like her it may be a good time to say goodbye. I hear Elvis say's her day's are numbered.  Sorry Little Lady Elvis has spoken and is seldom wrong! one good thing is he works slow so you should have time to get your affairs in order.
> 
> Good Bye Nice Lady. :angel:
> ...


I do have to agree...Elvis is the smartest member of the Bonnette household...so when he speaks, you duck! Lol


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

primetime76 said:


> I do have to agree...Elvis is the smartest member of the Bonnette household...so when he speaks, you duck! Lol


Dammit when your right your right


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## Hannibal (Apr 22, 2011)

smelvis said:


> Hi all
> I am getting closer Brad aka skfr518 a good friend was over smoking with me today his wife sent a nice card and photo as a Thanks for some Mariners tickets. Thanks Brad for taking some of my shipping load off my hands and helping me to figure out what to send to this nice Lady
> 
> Soon





primetime76 said:


> I do have to agree...Elvis is the smartest member of the Bonnette household...so when he speaks, you duck! Lol





smelvis said:


> Dammit when your right your right


And the torture continues!!!!

This is epic! :biggrin: ound:ound:


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## sdlaird (Mar 15, 2011)

I have that Tom Petty song in my head,

"The waaaaaitinnnngg is the haaaarrrdest part..."

RIP young lady. Don't try to run, these are high-tech lazer, computer and probably "twang" guided smart cluster bombs programmed to seek out your DNA regardless of where you might run and hide. Stay put. Whatever you do, do not run north to central california. STAY PUT!!


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## bazookajoe8 (Apr 6, 2012)

oh man, and they said the next big quake is coming. looks like 14.0 on the richter scale!


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## skfr518 (Jul 4, 2011)

smelvis said:


> Hi all
> I am getting closer Brad aka skfr518 a good friend was over smoking with me today his wife sent a nice card and photo as a Thanks for some Mariners tickets. Thanks Brad for taking some of my shipping load off my hands and helping me to figure out what to send to this nice Lady
> 
> Soon


Dave it is always a pleasure to hang out with you and Elvis! You are a great friend indeed. 
Jessica.....sigh.....I know we haven't become friends yet but hopefully we can correct that. I am glad I don't live in your neighborhood because this is going to destroy a few city blocks! Good luck!!!


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## Josh Lucky 13 (Dec 23, 2010)

sdlaird said:


> I have that Tom Petty song in my head,
> 
> "The waaaaaitinnnngg is the haaaarrrdest part..."
> 
> RIP young lady. Don't try to run, these are high-tech lazer, computer and probably "twang" guided smart cluster bombs programmed to seek out your DNA regardless of where you might run and hide. Stay put. Whatever you do, do not run north to central california. STAY PUT!!


See for me its more like some CCR 
"I see a bad Boom rising. I see that troubles on the way"


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## WyldKnyght (Apr 1, 2011)

Been nice knowing you Jessica.....


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

The anticipation is killing me...


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## E Dogg (Mar 23, 2011)

jphank said:


> The anticipation is killing me...


ound: Oh no.... This is gonna be the first killing before the thing actually lands! ound:

Way to go Dave :thumb:


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

E Dogg said:


> ound: Oh no.... This is gonna be the first killing before the thing actually lands! ound:
> 
> Way to go Dave :thumb:


Elvis has already made a good portion of the dog rockets but we learned they go into cello better at a lower RH :hmm: So he is picking out some other ones a little at a time while we wait. Her wish list is pretty much done I hope it's been updated recently 

Elvis


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

I haven't updated it in about 6 weeks... It's thin, but I can try to beef it up...


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## lostdog13 (Jan 16, 2012)

jphank said:


> I haven't updated it in about 6 weeks... It's thin, but I can try to beef it up...


Fill it with insane cigars; keeps you safer


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

lostdog13 said:


> Fill it with insane cigars; keeps you safer


Not with Dave. LOL


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

Okay I got one pile of stuff ready that doesn't need humidity, several are white leather, one has a battery, one is pink, one has been charged to a full charge and one is in a can, okay now making a list of cigars. :smile: :cheeky:


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## Vicini (Oct 10, 2010)

Can't wait to see this


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## DarrelMorris (Feb 7, 2012)

smelvis said:


> Okay I got one pile of stuff ready that doesn't need humidity, several are white leather, one has a battery, one is pink, one has been charged to a full charge and one is in a can, okay now making a list of cigars. :smile: :cheeky:


This should be interesting...


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## V-ret (Jun 25, 2012)

Lol, I'm actually glad I'm not Jessica right now.


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## tatubom1 (Jan 10, 2010)

wow this should be even better then I thought it would be.


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

Okay you suffered long enough here it comes 

0310 3490 0001 4691 8133

insurance VG 704 288 153 US

Enjoy Lady  I hope you like it's a six pack!


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## MontyTheMooch (May 27, 2012)

oh hell. Insurance? ...yer fooked.


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## E Dogg (Mar 23, 2011)

This reminds me of an Amrican Idol Finale. Soooo much waiting just to get to the end to finally find out who wins :wink:


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## Hannibal (Apr 22, 2011)

O M G!!!!!!

So big he had to buy insurance??????

Holy Hell!!!


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## max gas (Apr 11, 2011)

Insurance?!?

I didn't think anyone ever bought that. Heads up California, nuke incoming!


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

Yeah the insurance and large box is just to lull her into a sense of security. It's really a six pack of Oly and a box of red dots


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## Cmdio (Apr 30, 2012)

smelvis said:


> Yeah the insurance and large box is just to lull her into a sense of security. It's really a six pack of Oly and a box of red dots


Hey Oly isn't a bad beer. I had some when I was presenting at a conference in Seattle a couple of years ago. My airfare and hotel was covered by the Doc who I was doing the research with, but everything else was on me. I was drinking Oly Tallboys and eating McDonalds while staying in a nice downtown hotel. Was somewhat amusing.


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

Cmdio said:


> Hey Oly isn't a bad beer. I had some when I was presenting at a conference in Seattle a couple of years ago. My airfare and hotel was covered by the Doc who I was doing the research with, but everything else was on me. I was drinking Oly Tallboys and eating McDonalds while staying in a nice downtown hotel. Was somewhat amusing.


I know nothing but the best for Jessica  Next time ring me up and we can smoke dude!


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## Avenidadecuba (Jul 27, 2012)

No peace talks? No Treaty? Has it really come to nuclear holocaust!?


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

Oh, this is going to hurt.


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## Packerjh (Nov 29, 2009)

What comes around...


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

Packerjh said:


> What comes around...


Shush, you. I already have you and your little one in my sights, AGAIN.


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## IBEW (Jan 17, 2009)

Avenidadecuba said:


> No peace talks? No Treaty? Has it really come to nuclear holocaust!?


Damn, this is a Smelvis Bomb. 
They make a nuclear holocaust look like a bottle rocket!


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

And all the Ninja bombings.... I have to get rid of some sticks or I'll never have room!


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## MontyTheMooch (May 27, 2012)

jphank said:


> And all the Ninja bombings.... I have to get rid of some sticks or I'll never have room!


I'm just hoping that NorCal is out of the blast radius on this one.


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## Packerjh (Nov 29, 2009)

jphank said:


> Shush, you. I already have you and your little one in my sights, AGAIN.


The name Jessica has begun to strike fear into my heart...and not just because it's also my daughters name


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## Hannibal (Apr 22, 2011)

MontyTheMooch said:


> I'm just hoping that NorCal is out of the blast radius on this one.


There might be a VERY slim chance Eric. But that margin is extremely small!!!


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

Well crap! I'm not home this morning, I hope I make it back in time....


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## Zlc410 (May 16, 2012)

We are all probably more excited to see this than even she is...


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

Noooo, I've been guarding my door since I got home this afternoon. The DC says it didn't leave the --

Oh shit, it just land-


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## hardcz (Aug 1, 2007)

muahahahahaa


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## Deadhead Dave (Jun 10, 2012)

op2:


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## Phil from Chicago (May 6, 2012)

POST PICS!!!


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## DarrelMorris (Feb 7, 2012)

Damn. I liked Jessica. I'm going to miss her.


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)




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## Avenidadecuba (Jul 27, 2012)

The anticipation is maddening.


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

*86 luft cigars go by....*

I was just commenting on this thread that I expected the package to wait until Monday... Then the knock at the door came. It was like slow motion took over, the sound of the doorbell sounded like doom incarnate.

A large flat rate, surely there's no way Dave packed a large flat rate full of just cigars. There's no way.

Feather Dusters. Obviously I'm being shown I should be barefoot in the kitchen or dusting, right? Or maybe that's to clean up the dust after the explosion that destroyed my house?!

The first thing I pull out of the box... It's the head of a dog, thick ABS plastic, with pointy ears. You stick your fingers in the eye sockets and use it like brass knuckles!

5ers of Nica Libra 1990s and Torano Exodus 59s, copper style. YUM!


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

Digging deeper into the box my son started to laugh at me, because every 6 finger bag that came out of the box I literally gasped out loud and made all sorts of surprised grumblings.



A stun gun flashlight, and it's pink! Now who can I practice on...



This is a badass Blazer single torch lighter. the cutter is a one-sided beauty that is magnetized to that hole on the lighter body!



A gorgeous sampling of Cohibas, including a BHK! I just smoked my first at a cigar dinner with some wonderful people and now another one? I'm going to save this one for a special occasion!



Tasty Island goodness right there! OMG!


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

The first 6 finger bag that had me gasping like a little girl on Christmas morning.



Pink, oh yes, PINK pepper spray. I am armed now!



I couldn't believe me eyes. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to score a box of Little Monsters, and LOOK!



Smelvis reads wish lists! GASP.


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## jobes2007 (May 29, 2012)

Couldn't have gone to a nicer member


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

Mmmmm, that's all I could say! What's that rat tail on the end there without a band?



And what are those two in the middle there with the bodyguards??



I... just... Wow.



RASS. So tasty!



These coffins just blew me away, and we're not even done yet...


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

This took the cake, and completed my destruction.




And long white gloves, to always prove I'm a lady through and through.


Dave, thank you so much for this. I am at a loss for the right words, so I'll just leave it at a sincere and heartfelt thank you. Just... wow. Thank you.


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## TheRooster (Jul 18, 2012)

That's amazing.


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## AStateJB (Oct 13, 2011)

Absolutely INCREDIBLE!!! The bigger unbanded stick looks like a Viaje TNT. Dave, AWESOME bomb and GREAT target! Enjoy, Jessica.


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## the_brain (May 1, 2011)

TheRooster said:


> That's amazing.


*Brain:* This is why when Smelvis says "Boom" we all run to our hiding places... Even if we aren't the target...


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## hachigo (Feb 14, 2012)

H-O-L-Y ****. I have never seen such thorough and utter destruction before. Smelvis, you are my hero.

Jessica, those 3 you mentioned looked like Viaje's, TNT and Super Shots, but I'm not 100% sure.


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

Is it wrong to hug a box of cigars as I sit in the corner rocking and sucking my thumb?


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## Trilobyte (Sep 17, 2011)

:bowdown: Thoughtful, useful and an amazing assortment of the finest cigars for a fine lady. Congrats Jessica and kudos on an amazing bomb Dave.


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## V-ret (Jun 25, 2012)

That bomb was incredible. I mean Damn, holly crap, absolutely mind blowing.

Wow!


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## kdmckin (Feb 21, 2012)

Wow awesome!


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## DarrelMorris (Feb 7, 2012)

Holy Sh#*! That is an AWESOME bomb. Well done Dave :hail::hail::hail::hail::hail:
And a very deserving target.

I thought I heard a thunder storm today but now I know that the ominous rumbling was just your whole city being blown to bits.


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## Avenidadecuba (Jul 27, 2012)

HOLY BEJEEEZUS. @#$%^&*(*^&%^. Speechless. Utterly speechless. Enjoy those sticks. You'll need all the personal protection devices for people trying to ransack your house for all those beauties! Locke em up! hahah.


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

I had to play tetris to get them all in my wineador...


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## Desertlifter (Feb 22, 2011)

Holy....um.....okay that's not going to do it justice.

What's like 2xholy crap?


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

Okay now that you got smelvis style cleaning gear and your warmed up get ready for the bomb


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## MontyTheMooch (May 27, 2012)

...............ohgodno...........................


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

.......... wut?


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## hachigo (Feb 14, 2012)

smelvis said:


> okay now that you got smelvis style cleaning gear and your warmed up get ready for the bomb


bwahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

The trick is am I serious? or just messing wit ya


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## Packerjh (Nov 29, 2009)

Awesome!!!

Like I said....what comes around....


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## Josh Lucky 13 (Dec 23, 2010)

smelvis said:


> Okay now that you got smelvis style cleaning gear and your warmed up get ready for the bomb


So the stun gun and the mace are for her to start scaring her mailman away?


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

smelvis said:


> The trick is am I serious? or just messing wit ya


I can't tell! AHHHHH!


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## bazookajoe8 (Apr 6, 2012)

that is an amazing hit! you deserve it Jessica!


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

jphank said:


> I can't tell! AHHHHH!


You know how I work  whats your crystal ball tell ya Lady  Wait and see I suppose ROTFLMAO


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

smelvis said:


> You know how I work  whats your crystal ball tell ya Lady  Wait and see I suppose ROTFLMAO


Got it. Live in fear. I can do that, I think...


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## android (Feb 27, 2012)

oh. my. god. now i seen it all!


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

jphank said:


> Got it. Live in fear. I can do that, I think...


Not fear fun good stuff, I listen I sent one Love Affair didn't I 

Serious your welcome and I hope you enjoy them Jessica!


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

smelvis said:


> Not fear fun good stuff, I listen I sent one Love Affair didn't I
> 
> Serious your welcome and I hope you enjoy them Jessica!


Yes, yes you did send a Love Affair, what a flirt you are


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

jphank said:


> Yes, yes you did send a Love Affair, what a flirt you are


You said two then you said he was a turd, so I sent one, Not that I ain't flirting LOL


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## jphank (Apr 29, 2012)

He is a turd, and he's also missing out! I'm just holding that sweet little stick for the right night 



smelvis said:


> You said two then you said he was a turd, so I sent one, Not that I ain't flirting LOL


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## Brettanomyces (Jul 12, 2012)

:jaw::jaw::jaw:

What the San Andreas fault could not do, Smelvis just did. I think the whole state of CA just got wiped off the map! *That* is the mother of all bombs. I'm speechless. Well done.


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## lasix (Mar 25, 2012)

Total destruction to say the least. Smelvis you are mad. Enjoy Jessica. I couldn't think of someone who deserves it more.


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## Ortiz (Feb 9, 2012)

That's insane. Enjoy Jessica, Smelvis you are my hero.


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## Vicini (Oct 10, 2010)

Couldn't have happened to a nicer Person. 

Smelvis always delivers one hell of a good hit

I raise my Whiskey to you both


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## Michigan_Moose (Oct 11, 2011)

*Speechless*


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## max gas (Apr 11, 2011)

:jaw:

Wow, I'm speechless. That's one amazing hit. Well done Dave!

Enjoy all those new goodies Jessica.


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