# Raney's Wife is Gonna Kick Virtual Smitty's Assets



## RcktS4 (Jan 13, 2005)

UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER DECLARED Full Stop.

- I have been informed by my wife that I am to cease and desist all retaliation toward Virtual Smitty, or I am getting divorced. Furthermore, she is going to find him and kick his a$$. I have informed her of his address in the outskirts of Cleveland Ohio 

What is this about? OK - a brief summary of the festivities so far. RcktS4 innocently does a couple of box splits and trades with Smitty last summer. There is bombing, there are add-ons, it is somewhat excessive. Par for the course on CS.

Jump ahead a few months. Following a protracted process of medical evaluation, unseemly examination and probing of both partners by the medical community, sanctioned filial impiety with a plastic cup, a remarkably unappealing and unsexy procedure involving a petri dish, months of injections of a non-sexual kind, a lot of panic, and a lot of money - Raney and Jenn have a beautiful baby girl. They do not name her "Smitty". This apparently enrages him.

A month later, a deceptively harmless looking package arrives containing a staggering bomb of extremely rare, old, and choice cigars. See thread "This is NOT a virtual smitty bomb" for details. It was ugly. Really really ugly. If you don't understand the caliber of sticks in this package, you should really ask someone.

Jump ahead. Raney - still believing he might perhaps be capable of salvaging some semblance of his manhood - joins the massive bombing campaign against smitty. Thanks to the aid of a fellow gorilla with an unbelievable stock of cigars, smitty is hit with a two-pronged attack involving a nice selection of aged and rare Klugs tobacco, and a humble multichannel audio system for Smitty's other passion: videogaming. Video gaming without good audio is a sin.

Raney starts thinking he may just be a man again, and all is well with the universe.

Until yesterday.

Apparently, the inclusion of non-cigar electronics (hey - I can only send what I have acces to, no?) has opened the floodgates in the strage strange world between smitty ears. what arrived at my office yesterday morning is in the following post:


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## RcktS4 (Jan 13, 2005)

This lovely little videogame:









Also - so that my wife can play, or so that Smitty can play at my place when we finally get around to having a videogaming herf at Chez Raney, he also graciously included this:










Now this is absolutely unnecessary. Way over the top, and frankly a little disturbing. But wait.... There's more.


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## ToddziLLa (Oct 17, 2005)

Wow! Good hit!


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## Shaggy17sc (Mar 10, 2005)

ToddziLLa said:


> Wow! Good hit!


shhh. the shows not over yet, theres more o


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## Jeff (Jan 2, 2005)

RcktS4 said:


> Now this is absolutely unnecessary. Way over the top, and frankly a little disturbing.


It might be time for a restraining order. :r


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## RcktS4 (Jan 13, 2005)

Now the merely obsessive bomber might miss a crucial fact here, but the truly deranged bomber like Virtual Smitty leaves nothing to chance. Just on the off chance that I don't actually own an Xbox 360, he has taken the liberty of including one of those as well:










including the optional 20 GB hard drive, high def A/V cables, and a very cool little headset for online gaming that I spent most of last night annoying my wife with as I ran around the house chanting "Pilot to Bombardier, Pilot to Bombardier - approaching target. Prepare main bombay doors" and other such inanity that a 37 year old father ought really to avoid.

My wife had two responses to this:
1) she has insisted that I am not under any circumstances to retaliate. "What are you going to do - buy him a goddam car?"
2) as I mentioned at the beginning, she asked for his address so she can go and kick his ass. She thinks he must be after sex. She just doesn't understand. I gave her Klugs' address 

I have no response to a gesture like this. I am absolutely blown away by it, and to be honest (I didn't tell my wife this) I probably would sleep with the guy if that was what he wanted.

The truth, though, is that there are gorillas on here who are shamefully generous, and who really should not be messed with by mere mortals like myself. Smitty is one of those guys. Like Icarus, I tried to fly too high, and like Icarus I was shot down in a blaze of smoking mixed metaphors at the end of this thread.

Yes - that is correct: Virtual Smitty Bombed Me with an XBOX 360, including all the accoutrements and games. And I didn't even have sex with him. Yet  - come on, wouldn't you? I mean, it's not like he's Dustin, or anything...

How do you say thank you after something like this? Like this:

Thanks Joe.


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## DonJefe (Dec 1, 2003)

Wow, just wow!!


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## croatan (Mar 23, 2005)

Absolutely incredible.


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## ToddziLLa (Oct 17, 2005)

What?!? Are you kidding?!? WOW!!!

Club Stogie is getting out of control. First cigars, then toys for the children, then complete stereo systems, then video game consoles! What is next? Private jets?


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## icehog3 (Feb 20, 2005)

RcktS4 said:


> I have no response to a gesture like this. I am absolutely blown away by it, and to be honest (I didn't tell my wife this) *I probably would sleep with the guy if that was what he wanted.*


Like you weren't already contemplating that long before he sent you anything Raney.....


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## Puffy69 (Sep 8, 2005)

Damn Joe! You dont Eff around..Nice.. He bombs like no other. Im sure you will enjoy that Raney..Do I hear 'Uncle'.?:r


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## backwoods (Sep 15, 2005)

DonJefe said:


> Wow, just wow!!


:tpd:

exactly...all I have to offer is some RG for VS for this massive bomb..I have no words


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## RcktS4 (Jan 13, 2005)

Rock Star said:


> ..Do I hear 'Uncle'.?:r


You hear Uncle, Aunt, you hear "please no more" ... in short, I am a completely defeated man. But I do have a nifty little bombardier headset, and that's going to have to be consolation enough


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## RcktS4 (Jan 13, 2005)

icehog3 said:


> Like you weren't already contemplating that long before he sent you anything Raney.....


Maybe, but the graphics are better now.


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## Shaggy17sc (Mar 10, 2005)

WOW!! awsome bomb. thats one of the coolest bombs ive ever seen on here. Smitty must have taken that bombing run hard, and you were the one he took out his pain on....Congratulations.

I've got a few RG points going his way for that one.

David


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## icehog3 (Feb 20, 2005)

backwoods said:


> :tpd:
> 
> exactly...all I have to offer is some RG for VS for this massive bomb..I have no words


Exactly! Unfortunately "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to carbonbased_al again."


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## dayplanner (Dec 11, 1997)

RcktS4 said:


> UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER DECLARED Full Stop.


Music to my ears. Now if only I could get PaulMac to say that 

Enjoy Raney! You were definetly in need of a major hit, the sound system rocks and my neighbors have never been angrier with me! I can't let anyone rock my house that hard without some reciprosity.


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## RcktS4 (Jan 13, 2005)

(sigh) UPS just stopped in again. Seems there was more:










I am a very pathetic little man. But I have a lot of sweet toys to keep my mind off it.


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## PadronMe (Apr 26, 2005)

That is the best bomb yet.

carbonbased_al has taken first place in the bombing category and after that noboby is even close.


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## galaga (Sep 18, 2003)

Bad case of the red ass, huh, Raney. Ya mess with the bull ya gets the horns. Know how ya feel Bro, know how ya feel! I'll see what pictures we can come up with of his trip down to LCdH. Ya know we were just having this discussion Sunday; were the black stripes on the burros in TJ real or were they painted on. I'll check the photos real close to see if any paint rubbed off on him.


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## txmatt (May 22, 2004)

So what does the mouse think about it Raney? 

You better keep feeding him cigars lest you want the cords chewed up.

They (Joe and however many others live in that head) are certainly out to prove something. Joe has two cars already, so you better think of something else for the retaliation. Don't give up, we have to put this boy in his place!

-Matt-


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## hollywood (Feb 15, 2005)

Holy crapola!! Joe that is freakin' insane .... and absolutely awesome!! Brung the Raney man to his knees!(insert XXX comment here) 

Congrats Raney! You done picked on the wrong SOB!


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## croatanita (Sep 8, 2005)

That is so awesome! Very fun!!


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## cameroncouch02 (Sep 22, 2005)

Holy Shnikey's


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## RcktS4 (Jan 13, 2005)

txmatt said:


> So what does the mouse think about it Raney?
> 
> You better keep feeding him cigars lest you want the cords chewed up.
> 
> ...


Matt - I know when I'm beaten. I am content to just crawl away and lick my wounds while whupping some Nazi butt in the matrix.

...though I can't speak for the nameless rodent.


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## King James (Dec 18, 2005)

Very nice. I just got elder scrolls for the PC last week, Let me warn you, its very addicting! Hopefully you will find out for yourself though. Great hit!


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## Jeff (Jan 2, 2005)

icehog3 said:


> Like you weren't already contemplating that long before he sent you anything Raney.....


I think he meant _again_. :r


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## Darb85 (Jan 30, 2005)

HOLY MARY MOTHER OF JESUS! What A hit! 

Maybe i can get my flight lessons paid for! HMM what ya say smitty! LOL just kidding.  

That tops the list. Way to go. enjoy Raney


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## drevim (Dec 21, 2005)

Darb85 said:


> HOLY MARY MOTHER OF JESUS! What A hit!


:tpd: I think that says it all. If this is what bombing is heading towards on CS, I'm out before I got in (too much)!!! This is un-freakin-believable!!!

Enjoy Raney, that is amazing Joe!!!!


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## dayplanner (Dec 11, 1997)

The mother of all bombs - Smitty's the man. 

Enjoy yourself, Raney.


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## NCRadioMan (Feb 28, 2005)

Unfreakinreal! You da man Joe!!!! 

Raney's new rule #1: Don't mess with carbonbased_al :r 


:ms NCRM


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## RPB67 (Mar 26, 2005)

OMG !!!

That is the ultimate of ultimate.

Wow,Wow,Wow !!! What a hit !

I need to re-read this thread. OMG !!!!


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## RcktS4 (Jan 13, 2005)

NCRadioMan said:


> Raney's new rule #1: Don't mess with carbonbased_al :r
> 
> :ms NCRM


:r Raney's Rule. I like that. And not just cause It's got my name in it 

Seriously. Do not F with smitty. The only hope now is PaulMac... and i don't know how long even the kilted can stand against Smitty.


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## illuminatus (Oct 20, 2005)

I just looked at the picture and bout creamed myself. Morrowind was so awesome for my PC... Now my crappy computer won't run it anymore. I want to try the new one, but alas, I don't have the $$$ flow for an xbox 360... oh well.. someday..


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## catfishm2 (Nov 6, 2004)

I'm speechless. That is absolutely amazing Joe. This is one BOTL that you don't want to mess with. He WILL hurt you.


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## tecnorobo (Mar 29, 2005)

:mn 
wow


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## joed (Nov 12, 2005)

Amazing - how will he ever top that one?

Nice job there Joe


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## teeznutz (Jan 17, 2006)

OMG.........Thanks for the enteraining thread...Dizammmn!


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## etenpenny (Dec 12, 2005)

thats completely unbelievable.... wow


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## kvm (Sep 7, 2005)

Oh my go.. Holy sh... WOW!


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## floydp (Jun 6, 2004)

RcktS4 said:


> Now the merely obsessive bomber might miss a crucial fact here, but the truly deranged bomber like Virtual Smitty leaves nothing to chance. Just on the off chance that I don't actually own an Xbox 360, he has taken the liberty of including one of those as well:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Raney look out when the Brokeback Mountain game makes it to the Xbox..

WOW Joe, is there a 12 step program for this feller??


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## Ms. Floydp (Jan 7, 2005)

What do you say about a bomb like that??? You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to carbonbased_al again.

That's all you can say... very nice job Joe. Put him in his place for sure. 

Congrats Raney and you have my condolances.. I know it's hard to admit defeat, but at least you can have fun while doing it!! 

You guys are all nuts you know!!


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## DonWeb (Jul 3, 2005)

carbonbased_al said:


> all work and no play make joe a dull boy, *all work and no play make joe a dull boy*,_all work and no play make joe a dull boy_,all work and no play make joe a dull boy,all work and no play make joe a dull boy,*redrum...must destroy raney*, all work and no play make joe a dull boy, all work and no play make joe a dull boy,


just reading between the lines...

must spread some reputation


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## Bubba -NJ (Dec 6, 2005)

Wow , that is unbelievable . I don't think my wife would believe me no matter how much I tried to explain that , and we totally trust each other 100% . Nice haul . I know why your wife is so upset - she know's that she won't see much of you in the near future , great cigar's , great coffee and a great game console . Have fun ! You deserve it Raney .


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## dayplanner (Dec 11, 1997)

RcktS4 said:


> The only hope now is PaulMac... and i don't know how long even the kilted can stand against Smitty.


:r I'm gonna save that quote, and paste it in my victory thread when Paul finally gives up and begs me to accept surrender


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## SeanGAR (Jul 9, 2004)

Wow ..... thats ... a little extreme Smitty .. awesomely extreme. 

Mouseman .... you know what they say about playing with fire .....


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## opus (Jun 21, 2005)

An unbelievable surreal Virtual bomb. Is this for real, or am I in the matrix?


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## PaulMac (Jul 15, 2003)

carbonbased_al said:


> :r I'm gonna save that quote, and paste it in my victory thread when Paul finally gives up and begs me to accept surrender


Surrender? What means this word...not in my vocabulary

to go with Raneys Rule, we have Mac's Mantra: Smitty will never win


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## dayplanner (Dec 11, 1997)

PaulMac said:


> Surrender? What means this word...not in my vocabulary


Then you gonna get a severe vocabulary lesson mr!


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## RcktS4 (Jan 13, 2005)

carbonbased_al said:


> Then you gonna get a severe vocabulary lesson mr!


And after surrender you might have him look up "Raney's Rule" - it's right between _Rampage_ and _Rapacious_.


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## Da Klugs (Jan 8, 2005)

:r 

Ain't CS a great place.


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## D. Generate (Jul 1, 2004)

Great googily moogily, that's a hell of a hit! I was about to send you a Colecovision and a bundle of Consuegras, but my thunder has been stolen.

I got the Elder Scrolls Morrowind for my Xbox and I had to put it away due to its adverse impact on my GPA. Enjoy the toys, Raney. Smitty, you're the man.


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## tecnorobo (Mar 29, 2005)

Da Klugs said:


> :r
> 
> Ain't CS a great place.


I second that emotion


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## Danimal (Jun 6, 2004)

Great hit Joe. I dedicate this, my 1000th post, to you.


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## ToddziLLa (Oct 17, 2005)

Bump for the new people! Still unbelievable!


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## KASR (Aug 2, 2006)

HOLY SHIITE MUSLIM! That is freaking awesome!!!

KASR


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## vince321-cl (Oct 21, 2006)

Wow, Smitty's the type of guy who deserves to be tag teamed into submission. 

Excellent job and quite simply, beyond any semblance of normalcy.


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## okierock (Feb 24, 2006)

This guy is is uhh...

What can you say about something like that WOW!!!

Oh and I would never be able to explain that one to my wife either:mn .


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## Old Sailor (Jul 27, 2006)

Cool beaten into submission.....:r


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## Ron1YY (Mar 3, 2005)

vince321 said:


> Wow, Smitty's the type of guy who deserves to be tag teamed into submission.
> 
> Excellent job and quite simply, beyond any semblance of normalcy.


Good Luck!!!! Many have tried, ALL have failed!!

Ron


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