# Funny Blog On My News Site.



## Mante (Dec 25, 2009)

What to do about smoking | News.com.au Jack Marx Live Blog

Very tongue in cheek but nice to see an article taking the piss out of the smoke nazis!

A nice quote in the replies : "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." ~Norman Cousins


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## smelvis (Sep 7, 2009)

Pretty Funny I'd like to see more of this out in the open here! 

Commonsense hasn’t helped, the dearth of evidence has been routinely ignored, and the notion of everyone minding their own business has apparently been filed in some catalogue of ancient superstitions. The time has come to confront the hysterical anti-smoking crusade with an equally reasonable response. 

When smoking in the open air and approached by someone who wants you to stop, tell them to $#@& off.

If you’re in a beer garden or an outdoor cafe and the person fetches the waiter or service monkey, tell that person to go p*ss up a rope until you need them to serve you a beer or a sandwich.

When the manager is summoned, tell him that if he doesn’t like your smoking then the thing he should do is to deconstruct his establishment and rebuild it several hundred metres down the street.

If a bouncer or security type is brought to bear, assume that violence is being threatened, remember the spirit we applaud every ANZAC Day, and thus tell the mongol you’ll defend your freedom if it means putting a projectile in the bridge of his nose. Wave a little Australian flag if you have to.

When the police are called, tell them to stop being such cowardly mummy’s boys and to go catch some real criminals for a change.

At the station, respond to the duty officer’s questions with flat-out lies: your name is Hugh Hefner, your address is Playboy Mansion West, your next of kin is Miss December, 2009.

When they hand you your fine and your summons, take it and leave, then cut it up into little strips to use as papers for rollies and joints.

When arrested as a result of your outstanding warrant, tell the inquisitive magistrate that details of your life are really quite inconsequential. Then tell the jowl-necked, wig-wearing freak to $#@& off and mind his own affairs. 

If your cellmate doesn’t like you lighting up a sneaky ***, tell him he should’ve thought of that before he committed that robbery/rape/murder/massacre, and that if he doesn’t like it he can always escape, like Steve McQueen. If he argues (as he might, if he’s half smart) that Steve McQueen died from smoking cigarettes, correct him: it was asbestos. Then tell him to $#@& off.

Tell St Peter you’re an ex-smoker then light up the minute he lets you inside.

When God gets involved, point out the many millions of heartbreaks and prayers to which he should be attending and suggest that, just this once, he ought to $#@& off and leave folk alone

When the devil tries to tell you that second-and-third hand smoke are the leading causes of this or that, don’t waste your time pointing out the toxic pyres, smouldering corpses and assorted conflagrations of hell, because zealots like him have already made up their minds and can’t see the holocaust for the Horizon 50s. So tell him to $#@& off.

And while you’re down there, tell those silly old p***ks who made deathbed commercials for the anti-smoking lobby that they shouldn’t have bothered telling other people what to do with their lives.


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## FridayGt (Oct 24, 2010)

Amazing, purely awesome! lol. I like that guy... lol


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