# How I Became A Smuggler



## jrw (Oct 21, 2006)

The wife and I just returned today from a 3-day cruise from San Pedro, CA to Ensenada, Mexico, our first time braving the briny deep. It was relaxing, with a completely foreign-born crew (mostly Jamaicans). Ensenada was disappointing unless you're of the shot-and-beer frat boy crowd. Lots of fake Cuban see-gars, although a couple of places had the real McCoy (or real McGomez, I guess.)

As the Buffalo Springfield once opined,
"Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
Step outta line, the man come, and take you away"

I took a few Habanos on the trip, thinking I'd sit out in a deck chair in the equatorial sun (OK, I know it's far north of the equator) and smoke them while I read a book, and planned to share a couple with my brother-in-law (there were about 60 quasi relatives on the trip, although thankfully I saw only a few of them), but as it happened my b-i-l was feeling under the weather and didn't want to smoke, and I had less deck-time than I thought I'd have, so I ended up with 6 of the 7 I'd brought when it came time to pass through Customs upon re-entry. 

I'd removed the contraband-identifying bands, but still was very worried about getting them through, imagining confiscation and fines, and the wife pretending not to know me, and even considered leaving them behind in the stateroom to reduce my paranoia quotient, but my wife packed them with certain unmentionables and I was prepared to play dumb if they were found. 

As it happened, there was absolutely no inspection of the luggage and we just walked off the pier. I'm thinking of bringing in cocaine next time (not). 

The one I did get to smoke was greatly savored.


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## Jay Hemingway-cl (Oct 21, 2007)

jrw said:


> I'm thinking of bringing in cocaine next time


:tu LOL


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## gwc4sc (Jan 11, 2008)

Bag split anyone ??


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## masonichistorian (Apr 29, 2008)

Nice:ss


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## justinwb (Mar 22, 2005)

Pablo?


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## Blueface (May 28, 2005)

Boy I remember the first time coming back from a cruise.
(not that I would ever do that)


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## Fishbeadtwo (May 30, 2006)

I recently had an almost identical situation......except I had liquid contraband also.....:al it's not a good idea to take chances......but hey, whats a gorilla supposed do?


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## vicvitola (Mar 18, 2008)

The trick isn't taking the contraband bands off coming back, it's remembering to bring non contraband bands before you leave

...not that I have ever done or would do it :ss


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## zamco17 (Mar 24, 2006)

Ah yes my first cruise i was hella nervous......then felt silly realizing i could have a suitcase full of things im not supposed to and they wouldnt know the difference!


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## Jay Hemingway-cl (Oct 21, 2007)

gwc4sc said:


> Bag split anyone ??


either that or a "Bag Pass"....lol
remember to post your takes, if you can keep your hands steady enough on the keyboard.
NO - 3 cuts for 1 pure.

:ms


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## chenvt (Apr 12, 2008)

LOL awesome story


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## newcigarz (Feb 11, 2007)

Jay Hemingway said:


> either that or a "Bag Pass"....lol
> remember to post your takes, if you can keep your hands steady enough on the keyboard.
> NO - 3 cuts for 1 pure.
> 
> :ms


5 Finger Balloon Group buy?


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## DETROITPHA357 (Jul 8, 2006)

jrw said:


> I'm thinking of bringing in cocaine next time (not).


:SMIm watching U:gn


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## papajohn67 (May 25, 2006)

Fishbeadtwo said:


> I recently had an almost identical situation......except I had liquid contraband also.....:al it's not a good idea to take chances......but hey, whats a gorilla supposed do?


Tell them the truth fish-boy....you really brought it back in 20oz Pepsi bottles.


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## stevieray (Sep 28, 2006)

LOOK OUT!!!! It's the "man" watching now :hn


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## Rudder (Feb 7, 2008)

Ive brought boxes back through Miami customs (Pre 9-11)in a shopping bag as a carry on. Never a problem although it will get your heart racing.
That was in my carefree youthfull days.


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## LARAIDER (Sep 1, 2007)

Great story, You're telling your age quoting Buffalo Springfield.


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## jrw (Oct 21, 2006)

LARAIDER said:


> Great story, You're telling your age quoting Buffalo Springfield.


Not so much--my grandfather used to talk about them :r

Nah, you're right, I was around at the same time they were. :cb


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## WillyGT (Sep 13, 2004)

I felt the same this last time I went to the S.H.I.T. herf! 

I had a bottle of Havana club under the seat, and a baggy with some Habanos in the glove compartment. hehehe.

Luckily nothing happened .


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## germantown rob (Sep 19, 2005)

I have a brought cigars with me on every trip I take with out the bands on and I have never had a problem except for lighters.


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## Sawyer (Jul 11, 2007)

LARAIDER said:


> Great story, You're telling your age quoting Buffalo Springfield.


Hey, I like Buffalo Springfield and I am only 30. That isn't that old is it?

Stop, listen, what's that sound?


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## Snake Hips (May 30, 2008)

I know how that is. I just got back from Europe, and over there I smoked all the Habanos I had time for and put all the tubes in my backpack. I didn't want to risk bringing any back into the country, so I didn't even try. But then this was U.S. customs:

"Hello"
"Hi"
"I need your passport and your customs sheet."
"Here ya' go"
*Swipes passport in a machine*
*Put a pen mark on my paper*
"Alright, go ahead."
"Okay, thank you......wait...WTF?"

I could have loaded that backpack up, let me tell you what...now I'm thinking I really should have bartered for a small Moroccan child. Oh well, if I did try to bring stuff back then I bet my luck would have had me in a much less fortunate position.

[EDIT] Kind of a funny coincidence; I went on my European trip with Polly Furay, the daughter of the singer of Buffalo Springfield...


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## Sawyer (Jul 11, 2007)

Snake Hips said:


> I know how that is. I just got back from Europe, and over there I smoked all the Habanos I had time for and put all the tubes in my backpack. I didn't want to risk bringing any back into the country, so I didn't even try. But then this was U.S. customs:
> 
> "Hello"
> "Hi"
> ...


Somehow my bag always get searched even on domestic flights. So, I wouldn't even try. I would just mail them back to myself. They always seem to get through in the mail.


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## Snake Hips (May 30, 2008)

Sawyer said:


> Somehow my bag always get searched even on domestic flights. So, I wouldn't even try. I would just mail them back to myself. They always seem to get through in the mail.


They raped my luggage, but not my carry-on (the backpack). British security went through that, but U.S. Customs didn't even glance an eye at it. Do you have to label mail "gifts" or anything? Seems kind of funny that it would be that easy...


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## mikeyp4 (Jun 10, 2008)

I just got back from my honeymoon in Mexico. We cleared customs in Dallas and I had a few sticks that I had bought at LCDH. I was a little nervous, but all they asked was if we had brought any plants or animals with us and sent us on our way.

What was mildly disturbing however was that customs didn't seem to care about what I may or may not be bringing into the country, but I felt like a convict when security found a (unopened) bottle of water in my carry on....


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## Hexnut-cl (Jun 12, 2008)

The churchills are hard to pass once you get home...Perfectos are easier to swallow..


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## smokeyscotch (Apr 26, 2007)

Great Story, ,man! Sounds like you and the wife work well together. Reminds me of the movie True Lies. :tu


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## Snake Hips (May 30, 2008)

Hexnut said:


> The churchills are hard to pass once you get home...Perfectos are easier to swallow..


And easier to kiester...much easier...


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## Jay Hemingway-cl (Oct 21, 2007)

listen to this story.

in 1999 my mother,step-father,2 sisters and i went to florida for christmas, we have a timeshare at orange lake in orlando, like a block away from disney etc. we took a flight out of newark international airport in northern new jersey.
we had checked all of our bags in and were waiting in the upper lobby near the main entrance (were the taxi's and limos drop off and pick people up) by the doors so we could slam down a few cigarettes before the 1 and a half hour flight.
i was sitting on the bench inside near the payphones waiting for them to call our gate. i looked up at the pay phone and i noticed something was stuffed into the side of the unit the phones were attached to. out of curiosity i got up and looked at it , and stuffed into the side of this payphone was a baggy.....
looking harder i realised it was a bag of the "backyard boogie!" the "haze that pays" the "wacky tobaccy" some of the ol "mean green!"....lol.
yea about a quarter sack of tweeds was stuffed into the side of the phone! i guess someone was going to bring it on there travels and than got cold feet before they got onto the plane...it's understandable.

so here's where it gets good.....i go over to my step-pop's and tell him that somone stashed a bag-o-fun into the side of that payphone over there, come check it out.
so he walks over takes a look at it.... than looks around a bit (at this time i am starting to get this funny feeling that i shouldn't have told him) pulls it out of the crevise, than sticks it into his front pocket!!!!!!! WTF! being the ex marine/ veitnam vet/ turned hippie back in the 70's who still thinks its the summer of love, the guy sticks it into his freakin pocket and says "don't mind if i do!"...hahahaha.
i couldn't believe it, my step-pops put it into his pocket, went into the bathroom, checked it out to assure it was good, than put it into his underwear (or so he says). 
they call our gate, he walks through the security check, gets on the plane we fly to florida and get to our resort with no problems whatsoever!!

well, what can i say, he is a freakin looney, took the risk and it paid off with a weeks vacation that couldn't get any better for him!! lol
now if only the guy who chickened out and stashed it knew someone else took his stash and made it through with no problem, that would be funny.


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## Cubatobaco (Jul 5, 2007)

Great story!!! I'm still :r about the cocaine! Glad that everything went your way.


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## Cubatobaco (Jul 5, 2007)

Jay Hemingway said:


> lLooking harder i realised it was a bag of the "backyard boogie!" the "haze that pays" the "wacky tobaccy" some of the ol "mean green!"....lol.
> 
> Being the ex marine/ veitnam vet/ turned hippie back in the 70's who still thinks its the summer of love, the guy sticks it into his freakin pocket and says "don't mind if i do!"...hahahaha.


OMG, Jay!!! I havn't laughed that hard in a long time! Your imagery of your step-pops is off the hook. HAHAHA!!!!

I am going to have to tell some people about this!!!

:r :r :r


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## dustinhayden (Feb 4, 2006)

masonichistorian said:


> Nice:ss


Ditto!:tu


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## stevieray (Sep 28, 2006)

jrw said:


> The wife and I just returned today from a 3-day cruise....
> 
> As it happened, there was absolutely no inspection of the luggage......


Trust me when I tell you that customs does inspect luggage and can be a major ball buster about it. While I didn't bring back cigars, they did find jewelry and a watch that we bought and they treated us like criminals. Long story short....paperwork and duty fees........what a great trip :hn


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