# Slightly sticky situation...



## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

So an old college friend posted on Facebook that he'd love to try a cigar. I replied and told him to send me his address. His wife and mother commented on his Facebook that they were against him smoking cigars ( they didn't know about my offer to send some).

So I asked him if me sending some would cause issues for real, he told me it was fine and to go ahead.

Fast forward a little to me posting a photo of the shipping confirmation of the aforementioned bomb.
he is super excited, his wife on the other hand is saying she'll be intercepting said package... 

Its due to land Tuesday, so I can post an update on what actually happens, but just thought I'd share. I thought I was doing something nice but now I actually feel bad. I had no idea how strongly she felt and he had told me it would be ok...
:-|


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## DSturg369 (Apr 6, 2008)

That isn't any fault of your's. If he truly knew his wife and felt that she would respond in such a manner, then he should have told you NO from the start. Sounds like they already have some underlining issues that they need to work on. Also, such a "wife" would be at the curb if she acted in such a manner unless a puff from a cigar means instant death or some similar such reason. Mine would never behave is such a way.


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## ghe-cl (Apr 9, 2005)

You shouldn't feel like that. You responded to him just being friendly. He can deal with the other people.


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## Don_in_Texas (Sep 30, 2011)

A wife of mine that took it upon herself to "intercept" my mail would shortly find herself looking for a new husband. But hey, I always advise people not to take marital advice from me. I've been divorced twice LOL.

It does sound like they have issues that go deeper than cigar smoking though.


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

Tbh, I think she rules to roost. She's a kept woman and sends him off to work each day while she sits at home doing naff all. I thought this might brighten his day...


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## smokin3000gt (Apr 25, 2012)

It's his problem one way or the other whether he lets her dictate to him what he can and can't do or for not saying no if the cigar wasn't worth the trouble of getting yelled at and put in the dog house. Either way he is a big boy and responsible for his actions and whatever the consequences are.


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

smokin3000gt said:


> It's his problem one way or the other whether he lets her dictate to him what he can and can't do or for not saying no if the cigar wasn't worth the trouble of getting yelled at and put in the dog house. Either way he is a big boy and responsible for his actions and whatever the consequences are.


It's true. What a shame if those nice sticks wind up in the trash instead of being enjoyed by a botl though eh?


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## DSturg369 (Apr 6, 2008)

Throw some chocolates and Lee Press-On's in the box and it'll guarantee it gets opened! :drama:


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## longburn (Mar 28, 2009)

DSturg369 said:


> That isn't any fault of your's. If he truly knew his wife and felt that she would respond in such a manner, then he should have told you NO from the start. Sounds like they already have some underlining issues that they need to work on. Also, such a "wife" would be at the curb if she acted in such a manner unless a puff from a cigar means instant death or some similar such reason. Mine would never behave is such a way.


I agree with what Dan and ghe said, that's his job to keep his wife happy. He's a man....I suppose...and it's up to him to decide how his life is lived and to what extent he's willing to go to keep his wife happy with his life. And it's up to him to decide when he's had enough of the whining, complaining cancer riding his back like a gorilla that...well, I got a little off track there. Anyway, yeah,what they said.


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## Slowpokebill (Nov 29, 2008)

I remember receiving my first bomb. It came just a few days after a credit card statement with some rather large charges from my favorite supplier. She who must be obeyed was a tad upset and I was sharing may last shipment with a space in the dog house.

wouldn't you know it after telling my beautiful bride I wouldn't be buying any cigars for a few months or six; I receive in the mail what she recognized as a shipment of cigars. That bomb didn't blowup my mail box but I caught heck when I came home. Now here is the good part I survived. She got over it and all is well. There is hope for our loved ones, they might not like our habit but they will put up with it.

BTW the wife was willing to pose for a photo with that first bomb.


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## DSturg369 (Apr 6, 2008)

:lol: :tu


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## David_ESM (May 11, 2011)

There are somethings that should just be understood by the person you love. My wife knows that if she ever told me to try and sell my rifles I might be more likely to sell her... That is something she accepts of me, and I do the same in return for her.

Cigars is one of those things. She knows how much I enjoy them and how foolish it would be to try to forbid it.


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## zephead61 (Apr 18, 2012)

Slowpokebill said:


> I remember receiving my first bomb. It came just a few days after a credit card statement with some rather large charges from my favorite supplier. She who must be obeyed was a tad upset and I was sharing may last shipment with a space in the dog house.
> 
> wouldn't you know it after telling my beautiful bride I wouldn't be buying any cigars for a few months or six; I receive in the mail what she recognized as a shipment of cigars. That bomb didn't blowup my mail box but I caught heck when I came home. Now here is the good part I survived. She got over it and all is well. There is hope for our loved ones, they might not like our habit but they will put up with it.
> 
> BTW the wife was willing to pose for a photo with that first bomb.


At least the rolling pin looks padded......


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## Scott W. (Jul 10, 2008)

Who gives a ****........if he's out making he money, she should keep her ****ing mouth shut and vice versa


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## notmYJ (Sep 27, 2011)

I managed to get my other half to enjoy smoking too. That is until I put a bun in the oven. Now the smell of them makes her sick. But she still doesn't say anything when I have boxes show up. Even if she did have a problem with it, I would continue to do what I do. I work two jobs to provide for my family and enjoy my hobbies. If I want to smoke a cigar, you damn well better believe that I am gonna smoke, and if she tried to "intercept" a package I ordered there will be hell to pay. Moreso if it was a bomb, as your then throwing away someone elses money and shitting on their generosity. Needless to say, she would be on the couch one night for every cigar wasted.


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## jheiliger (May 12, 2012)

Bro... If it wasnt cigars it would be something else. You know the type... This isn't on you!

You were just trying to be kind... Sometimes, no good deed goes unpunished!


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## smokin surfer (Jul 21, 2012)

If it were me I probably would have made some smart ass facebook comment to my friend's wife like "go buy your own cigars, these are a gift to your husband."

What great self control you have! I say if he said to send them and gets in trouble for it, well it's his trouble, not yours...

And Bill, you are very lucky! Glad you escaped with your life.


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## skullsoup432 (Aug 16, 2012)

Well, if she does take the package, later on down the road at divorce court he can truthfully testify that she did commit a federal offense.


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

I didn't mean to start a 'my wife and my cigars' thread- we've had a couple of those already recently. Let's see how this pans out come Tuesday. I promise to post an update.


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## ghe-cl (Apr 9, 2005)

I suppose, though, the strangest thing about all of this is: Why did the guy post on Facebook that he wanted to try a cigar? Why didn't he just go to a cigar shop, buy one and smoke it? Seems kinda nuts to me.


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

ghe said:


> I suppose, though, the strangest thing about all of this is: Why did the guy post on Facebook that he wanted to try a cigar? Why didn't he just go to a cigar shop, buy one and smoke it? Seems kinda nuts to me.


I think he was testing the water in hindsight.


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## ghe-cl (Apr 9, 2005)

Eleigh said:


> I think he was testing the water in hindsight.


Even if that's the case, still seems wacky to me. It wouldn't occur to him to just talk to his wife? You know, face-to-face, actual human communication, without a computer in the middle...


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## jheiliger (May 12, 2012)

Maybe he was just trying to show everyone what a douche she is... As if his wants/needs don't matter. Marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship.


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## ghe-cl (Apr 9, 2005)

I guess I'm just too old to understand playing out your life online.


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## Kevin Keith (Jan 24, 2010)

Leigh, this could go in one of yer "cigars and health" threads! "TBH, I think she rules the roost." No shite!


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

Personally I think that guy gets what he deserves. People tend to treat you as you let them. If he grew a pair and put the pants on in his relationship it would stop her wearing the trousers in 'HER' house.

My wife would not dream of trying to tell me not to smoke. She even buys me cigars for presents. She bough me a box of Cohibas last week. And she has never so much as tried smoking herself. It's called being reasonable.

Do not worry if his relationship is messed, & not because of cigars, up its his problem he needs to sort it.


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## Laki (Apr 14, 2012)

Honey, meet me at midnight in the living room, come alone and unarmed, I will hand over the (recently "intercepted") Nine West box in fair exchange for the bomb - no funny stuff, no questions asked. If I smell a set-up, the deal is off - say goodbye to your new black pumps (have requisite shoe chewing dog in tow to make sure she knows you mean business).


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## David_ESM (May 11, 2011)

Laki said:


> Honey, meet me at midnight in the living room, come alone and unarmed, I will hand over the (recently "intercepted") Nine West box in fair exchange for the bomb - no funny stuff, no questions asked. If I smell a set-up, the deal is off - say goodbye to your new black pumps (have requisite shoe chewing dog in tow to make sure she knows you mean business).


Hostage exchange... That could work out.

However I don't negotiate with terrorists


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## Swany (Aug 20, 2010)

I'd tell your friend that if she takes em, she better return to sender. The nerve of some women. Of course, what do I know, My marriage only lasted somewhere around 6 months...


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## Marcm15 (Aug 5, 2012)

ghe said:


> Even if that's the case, still seems wacky to me. It wouldn't occur to him to just talk to his wife? You know, face-to-face, actual human communication, without a computer in the middle...


Keyboard Courage is an affliction that is causing many of us to lose our sense of personal interaction. My kids will tell me they "called" someone when in fact they have only texted them. We are quickly losing the art of actual conversation... Folks these days can only communicate via electronic means because that is what they are being taught...


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## DSturg369 (Apr 6, 2008)

Marcm15 said:


> Keyboard Courage is an affliction that is causing many of us to lose our sense of personal interaction. My kids will tell me they "called" someone when in fact they have only texted them. We are quickly losing the art of actual conversation... Folks these days can only communicate via electronic means because that is what they are being taught...


Just yesterday... Daughter and her boyfriend... Sitting on the sofa beside each other, texting back and forth. :hmm::noidea::crazy:


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## pyrodrummer (Jun 27, 2008)

I'm glad my wife is ok with my cigars. I mean, I smoke less then I would if she wasn't around, but even still. She doesnt care much for it, but she asks me to save my favorite cigars bands so she can know which ones to buy me from time to time. I'm blessed to have the woman I have for sure. I think that's pretty unreasonable for her to threaten to intercept. If its something he would like to try its his decision.


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## zenbamboo (Aug 30, 2010)

We all have our indulgences and it isn't fair or right or even healthy for a spouse behave such a way. Unfortunately your friend has broader issues with his wife that he needs to straighten out that. I suppose we can all armchair husband this particular case, but in the end it is up to him how he handles it and whether or not she is willing to work through this and accept his choices. 

I used to smoke cigarettes years ago and when I met my wife I was on the band wagon and she had no idea I ever smoked before. I fell of the bandwagon and she flipped her lid. In my case I told her I was going to smoke regardless of what she thought and she could live with it or leave. I am an adult and don't need to be treated like a child. I don't do that to her. Back then I only occasionally smoked cigars, usually for special occasions. I have not smoked a cigarette in over three years now, but I have 2-3 cigars a week and routinely purchase cigars. She has even bought them for me as gifts. The road was bumpy at first. Relationships are complex, but I hope there is a happy ending to your friend's story.


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## AgentJuggernaut (Apr 12, 2011)

My wife and I have only been married for a couple months, but we've been living together for about 4 years. She knew at the beginning I smoked cigars, and I informed her that as soon as we had a place where I could smoke (read: someplace with a porch/deck/patio/backyard) I would resume my hobby after moving. She doesn't mind that I smoke, she doesn't like the way I smell afterwards so most times I'll shower afterwards. She prefers my recent addition of the pipe smoking hobby, the smells aren't nearly as intense. For my last birthday she was planning getting me a pipe, but when the funds weren't there she got me some jars for storage. When we finally get the down payment together for a house, she's decided that my man cave will be okay to smoke in... provided I take care of ventilation of said cave. That said, I don't typically hide purchases of cigars or pipes/tobacco from her. Just as she doesn't hide her craft purchases (I swear she's tried every crafty hobby on the planet, rarely finishes a project though) from me. Communication is key.


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## ghe-cl (Apr 9, 2005)

Good luck with your future man cave. There have been photos of some beautiful setups on Puff that I'm sure will be inspirational whenever you get set to begin.


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## toofewbullets (May 8, 2012)

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. (Maybe not in this case) lmao


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

DSturg369 said:


> Just yesterday... Daughter and her boyfriend... Sitting on the sofa beside each other, texting back and forth. :hmm::noidea::crazy:


Maybe what they had to say was not for your ears!  I agree that it's odd though.


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## johnb (Feb 20, 2012)

well i am evil enough that if she intercepts them, i would mail him some to his work and send a box marked cigars to the house but instead of cigars i would include an "adult toy" with a note which in no uncertain terms explains what she can do with it...


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## Snagged (Aug 20, 2010)

Don't worry...he'll have plenty of time to smoke after the divorce.


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## Marcm15 (Aug 5, 2012)

DSturg369 said:


> Just yesterday... Daughter and her boyfriend... Sitting on the sofa beside each other, texting back and forth. :hmm::noidea::crazy:


My wife and kids do that all the time! Its crazy but nobody talks anymore....


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

Marcm15 said:


> My wife and kids do that all the time! Its crazy but nobody talks anymore....


Get the family to agree to a ban on texting in the house?


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## smokin surfer (Jul 21, 2012)

After our baby boy was born this April, my wife and I spent more time texting from across the house than speaking to each other. That boy was always sleeping.. but now that he's into a regular routine she comes out back when I need to listen.  

On topic, Leigh, I am interested to know how this turns out. Glad to see you are watching your thread


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

smokin surfer said:


> After our baby boy was born this April, my wife and I spent more time texting from across the house than speaking to each other. That boy was always sleeping.. but now that he's into a regular routine she comes out back when I need to listen.
> 
> On topic, Leigh, I am interested to know how this turns out. Glad to see you are watching your thread


Update: I've had some private conversation with the guy, he says it no big deal. I wonder if it's a brave face? Bomb due to land tues or we'd, I guess we'll see then.


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## stonecutter2 (Jul 12, 2012)

She might just be talking tough about intercepting the package, and nothing comes of it. Could have been sarcasm or a joking thing, which is very difficult to spot in text format on Facebook. 

For those with comments about this guy's marriage, you don't really know what's going on. It's not just about who wears the pants, or whatever. If marriage is truly a partnership, and she can't dictate to him, how can he dictate to her that he is going to smoke cigars, regardless of how she feels? 

If nothing else it just seems like a conversation they had to have, and they likely had it, and he says it's no big deal. So it's probably no big deal.

There are some people who are 100% anti-tobacco, it's just the way it is.


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## Johnnie (Aug 28, 2011)

Just insert bullwhip cracking noise...


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## Stinky (Mar 27, 2006)

. . . agree w/stonecutter2; probably just sarcasm from the git-go. However, we sure read a-lot into simple comments!  It may well be an innocent comment to establish her stance on the subject. Then again, it might be an actual threat. How could we know? Either way, we get to banter over what we think it might be. 

Taken as an actual threat: 
I'd agree with all the comments suggesting he's going to have problems. He needs to grow a pair and decide what he wants. 

If it's sarcasm: 
Smile. Get some help with the cutting and lighting fine cigars. I just hope you didn't send him some "medium" to "strong" cigars. . . that's just cruel! (Suggest mild cigars to begin with . . . then work up slowly. JMHO)


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## gasdocok (May 14, 2011)

Some of y'all are a bunch of big talkers but lets get real. If my wife said "The cigars need to stop or I'm out of here" then I stop smoking. Period. End of story. No complaints from me. She and my kids are more important to me than any rolled up, rotten leaves. If your wife and/or family aren't more important to you than cigars then maybe it's not your wives that have a problem.

I enjoy cigars very much and do find them a nice distraction and time for relaxation but there are other things that I could learn to enjoy that would not destroy my home life.

If those of you who talk big about "if my wife talked to me like that I would kick her ass out..." and the like would really act in the same way... I feel bad for you. I can only wish for you that you find someone to love more than the cigars that you burn. But most likely, it's just big talk and if that conversation ever occurred you would likely respond the same way as I would.


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## android (Feb 27, 2012)

gasdocok said:


> Some of y'all are a bunch of big talkers but lets get real. If my wife said "The cigars need to stop or I'm out of here" then I stop smoking. Period. End of story. No complaints from me. She and my kids are more important to me than any rolled up, rotten leaves. If your wife and/or family aren't more important to you than cigars then maybe it's not your wives that have a problem.
> 
> I enjoy cigars very much and do find them a nice distraction and time for relaxation but there are other things that I could learn to enjoy that would not destroy my home life.
> 
> If those of you who talk big about "if my wife talked to me like that I would kick her ass out..." and the like would really act in the same way... I feel bad for you. I can only wish for you that you find someone to love more than the cigars that you burn. But most likely, it's just big talk and if that conversation ever occurred you would likely respond the same way as I would.


well said Matt.


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## Brettanomyces (Jul 12, 2012)

I can see it both ways. If you wife asks you to quit, and gives good reasons to do so, then you'd probably be a bit crazy not to do so. If she gives no such reasons, no reasons really exist, and she then gets petty enough to intercept your mail to stop you from getting cigars, then maybe it is time to contemplate putting your foot down or leaving. Not so much because of this one situation, but for what it reveals: a lack of communication, respect, and equality in the relationship. Of course it goes without saying that one's own actions and history need to be critically examined as well.

Really, what this all comes down to are the particulars of the situation. We have terribly few, so I really can't blame most guys here for taking the mail situation to suggest the worst possible scenario.


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## AStateJB (Oct 13, 2011)

android said:


> well said Matt.


:tpd: :lol:


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

Actually if my wife treated my like a naughty boy and felt I had no say in MY life she would get the boot . I am lucky she is a reasonable person who is both supportive and sane, does she like me smoking NO does she smoke NO. do I smoke in the same house or in her company NO....its called compromise. Do I tell her not to blow £700 on a hand bag no. The fact is if he could tell her not to do as she likes it would be fair, this does not sound likely in this scenario.

The truth is its better to live life on your own, than be treated like a dog by a bitch. I can not say that is what is happening here as I do not know the people involved. But it sure seems like that is the case based on the OP's posts. I did dump a girl 30 years ago who wanted me to stop smoking when I was younger, so I can say in all honesty yes it is important that they do not think any, one can dictate in a relationship (equally with me not dictating incidentally)

Its not about the cigar or whatever, its about having a pair and standing up for yourself and not being a poodle. People will treat you in whatever way you allow them. If you become a scolded child in a relationship you are not an equal, in any way and should change the behaviour or in the worst case the wife.


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

Cigars are in the trash. ;(


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## Tr1gger (Sep 7, 2012)

I'm dumbfounded. It's one thing to work something out with her husband and decide together that maybe taking up cigar smoking is not the best idea right now because of different reasons (health, financial etc), but to throw someone's gift in the trash is downright disrespectful to the giver who did it out of kindness, and from encouragement by the recipient. The very least she could have done was return them. I can't stand the idea of such disgraceful wastage, and disrespect for others. I'm sorry for you, and very sorry for your friend. This surely could have been dealt with much more kindly.


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## DSturg369 (Apr 6, 2008)

I stand by what I posted earlier. This is total :BS !

If "some of you" would choose to do or act differently, good for you... Again, unless there is some unmentioned health reason involved. It's all about respect and the total relationship - PERIOD!

As for putting my money where my mouth is... I give you my now second X-wife and the relationship she wanted... What was mine was her's and what was her's was her's. Woman spent $600 at a Candle Light party and then flipped out what I spent $60 on a box of cigars.... We divorced 2 months later. Thank you very f***ing much.


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## DSturg369 (Apr 6, 2008)

BTW... My wife (#3, for 12 years now)... TOTALLY agrees!


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## cool hand luke (Jul 28, 2012)

My wife asked me to not smoke in the house anymore..So i built a nice deck on the side of the house and asked her to not go out there anymore..True story


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## ghe-cl (Apr 9, 2005)

Well, there are two things you can never really know: the state of someone else's finances and the state of someone else's marriage. Leigh, I think you did a nice thing. The outcome was beyond your control. Time to just move on, I'd say.


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## rpb16 (Jan 4, 2012)

Excuse my french, but what a b***h!


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## Tr1gger (Sep 7, 2012)

Very nicely put ghe. Decent way to diffuse a heated situation.


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## bazookajoe (Nov 2, 2006)

gasdocok said:


> Some of y'all are a bunch of big talkers but lets get real. If my wife said "The cigars need to stop or I'm out of here" then I stop smoking. Period. End of story. No complaints from me. She and my kids are more important to me than any rolled up, rotten leaves. If your wife and/or family aren't more important to you than cigars then maybe it's not your wives that have a problem.
> 
> I enjoy cigars very much and do find them a nice distraction and time for relaxation but there are other things that I could learn to enjoy that would not destroy my home life.
> 
> If those of you who talk big about "if my wife talked to me like that I would kick her ass out..." and the like would really act in the same way... I feel bad for you. I can only wish for you that you find someone to love more than the cigars that you burn. But most likely, it's just big talk and if that conversation ever occurred you would likely respond the same way as I would.





ghe said:


> Well, there are two things you can never really know: the state of someone else's finances and the state of someone else's marriage. Leigh, I think you did a nice thing. The outcome was beyond your control. Time to just move on, I'd say.


Good posts guys. :thumb:

Leigh, nice of you to want to provide some cigars to your bud. Unfortunately threads about wives not liking their husbands' cigar interests usually end up like this, members who know nothing about the circumstances involved passing judgement on people they don't even know. Yeah, she could be unreasonable, overbearing etc. blah blah blah. But maybe this guy has caused her all kinds of grief or heartache with his "hobbies", addictions etc.. Or maybe they're both really nice people who just happen to disagree on this topic, which is their right to do. There is no wrong or right to be decided by this peanut gallery...

:doh:


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## Godwhacker (Sep 8, 2012)

Hmm!


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## cool hand luke (Jul 28, 2012)

never fails, as soon as the wives get involved. But i think all the old bucks know this.


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

I bear her no ill will, but she really didn't have to tell me that's what she did with them. It's just such a waste of a good muwat!
( most of the others were 'beginner sticks').
Never mind I just hope the friendship isn't ruined...


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## smokin surfer (Jul 21, 2012)

Darn shame. The right thing for such a righteous lady to do would have been to return the package. I hope she still lets your friend be your friend! :/


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## hardcz (Aug 1, 2007)

My wife would be in the trash if she tried that crap.

As someone posted before, and what people need to realize.... adults don't change, and getting married, you need to accept the person for who they are or don't get married. Don't think you're going to change them. That's not to say people won't change, though, mine knew I smoked and we make it work, even if she's not down with it. I shower, and use special mouth wash before sitting down to watch TV after smoking, though that's my compromise for her. If things aren't a reasonable compromise then it's not worth doing.


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

I'm lucky enough that my wife likes the smell of cigars on me. She says I smell like a man!


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## capttrips (Jun 25, 2012)

I hope your "friend" at least reimbursed you for the cigars. If my wife bulled that crap I'd dump her in the trash truck myself. Your friend has far bigger problems than cigars.


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## Tr1gger (Sep 7, 2012)

Eleigh said:


> I'm lucky enough that my wife likes the smell of cigars on me. She says I smell like a man!


I'm lucky that way too. Although I hope I don't smell like a man, my husband isn't bothered by the smell. Actually last night after a kiss, he said 'hmm, cigars', but in fact I'd just been eating some ultra dark chocolate. He had to laugh and relent when I said seeing as you can't tell the difference between fine chocolate and cigars in my mouth, cigars can't smell too bad st all. He said they had a nice rich smell.


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## smokin surfer (Jul 21, 2012)

Eleigh said:


> I'm lucky enough that my wife likes the smell of cigars on me. She says I smell like a man!


My wife tells me when I'm smoking a good one or one that's more like stinky. It helps me know which ones not to smoke during my lunch breaks to avoid customer complaints!


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## cool hand luke (Jul 28, 2012)

smokin surfer said:


> My wife tells me when I'm smoking a good one or one that's more like stinky. It helps me know which ones not to smoke during my lunch breaks to avoid customer complaints!


Sounds like you have a good woman there!!!


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

capttrips said:


> I hope your "friend" at least reimbursed you for the cigars. If my wife bulled that crap I'd dump her in the trash truck myself. Your friend has far bigger problems than cigars.


Actually, no. He didn't even thank me, but then given the circumstances, I guess I caused him some problems...


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

I did not marry my cow of a girl, but I pretty much did the same with her when she wanted me to stop having a cigar. I think some here do not get standing up for yourself as being reasonable.


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## Feldenak (Aug 15, 2012)

I wouldn't toss my wife out for throwing out a cigar bomb, but the two of us would be having a sit down talk about compromise, individuality and partnership.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

Feldenak said:


> I wouldn't toss my wife out for throwing out a cigar bomb, but the two of us would be having a sit down talk about compromise, individuality and partnership.


I would at least toss out her next delivery (bound to be more expensive than a few hundred quids worth of cigars) That would get her back up and make her appreciate she will lose out playing stupid games with my mail.


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## Feldenak (Aug 15, 2012)

BrunoBlack said:


> I would at least toss out her next delivery (bound to be more expensive than a few hundred quids worth of cigars) That would get her back up and make her appreciate she will lose out playing stupid games with my mail.


Uh, no. If she's buying anything it's out of the account and that's my money too.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

So in your case she would be tossing cigars paid for by the joint account? 

I have 3 different accounts and the wife has 2 - None are joined in any way. It makes my plan easier:smoke:


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## Feldenak (Aug 15, 2012)

I thought we were talking about being gifted cigars that she threw out. This is not a problem I really have though, because my wife enjoys the occasional cigar herself.

All our accounts are joint accounts.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

Some one bought the cigars not the wife so its valid.


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## kapathy (Nov 20, 2010)

the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Every marriage, friendship, acquaintence etc all function in their own way. Everyman/woman knows what is worth fighting over and what is not. I dont know why this woman in particular hates cigars ... but she does. A cigar is not important, at least not at face value. If she reacts this way with everything it is a different story.... however this is more of a situation for them to resolve and everyone else to play dr. phil. At the end of the day.... eleigh you made a nice gesture for a friend with his blessing, his wife did not like it.... it is his problem, not yours. I wouldnt worry even one little bit about it... Only thing I would do is tell your buddy your sorry for causing some drama (even though he gave the approval) and let him know your there if he needs to vent.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

smokin surfer said:


> Darn shame. The right thing for such a righteous lady to do would have been to return the package. I hope she still lets your friend be your friend! :/


If the friend had any decency he would have returned them, rather than let her get all dramatic and punish him like a naughty school boy. Really where is his spine at. Thats not how you repay a good friend.


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## capttrips (Jun 25, 2012)

Eleigh said:


> Actually, no. He didn't even thank me, but then given the circumstances, I guess I caused him some problems...


Sorry it didn't turn out the way you intended. Hopefully, you still have a friendship. My wife hates me smoking cigars, but she figures it's better than me drinking and running around so she tolerates it.


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## Quine (Nov 9, 2011)

gasdocok said:


> Some of y'all are a bunch of big talkers but lets get real. If my wife said "The cigars need to stop or I'm out of here" then I stop smoking. Period. End of story. No complaints from me. She and my kids are more important to me than any rolled up, rotten leaves. If your wife and/or family aren't more important to you than cigars then maybe it's not your wives that have a problem.


Of course we do not know all the particulars, but in this case the woman has clearly come off as the b***h not because she happens not to like cigars, but because she threw out a gift, a slap in the face not only to her husband (who must live with the consequences one way or another) but also to the OP who was an innocent party in all of this. The bomb was in the mail before he knew there was a problem if I remember correctly!

Would I "throw my wife out" if she did something similar? No, not for one such instance, but my wife and I did in fact fight about many things throughout a 25+ year relationship (not cigars I wasn't smoking back then), and eventually the "I love her more than X" and "I love her more than Y" and all those other things added up and the marriage did eventually break apart because I was doing all the compromising and eventually I couldn't stand it any more -- of course it would be another woman who made me realize all of this! Now 7+ years have passed and not only do I have a GF who likes cigars (not the same other woman) but this relationship is far less stressful and I cannot believe that I spent those 25+ years in such an absurdly conflicted relationship no matter how much I loved her!

As for cigars in particular, read the poem whose most famous line is my signature below. It was written tongue in cheek, but the consequences were just as real for him as this issue is for the couple involved. It's a short poem. You will all at least come away admiring the man for standing up for our hobby -- also said tongue in cheek.


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## StogieNinja (Jul 29, 2009)

gasdocok said:


> Some of y'all are a bunch of big talkers but lets get real. If my wife said "The cigars need to stop or I'm out of here" then I stop smoking. Period. End of story. No complaints from me. She and my kids are more important to me than any rolled up, rotten leaves. If your wife and/or family aren't more important to you than cigars then maybe it's not your wives that have a problem.
> 
> I enjoy cigars very much and do find them a nice distraction and time for relaxation but there are other things that I could learn to enjoy that would not destroy my home life.
> 
> If those of you who talk big about "if my wife talked to me like that I would kick her ass out..." and the like would really act in the same way... I feel bad for you. I can only wish for you that you find someone to love more than the cigars that you burn. But most likely, it's just big talk and if that conversation ever occurred you would likely respond the same way as I would.


This.



ghe said:


> Well, there are two things you can never really know: the state of someone else's finances and the state of someone else's marriage. Leigh, I think you did a nice thing. The outcome was beyond your control. Time to just move on, I'd say.


And this.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

Aninjaforallseasons said:


> This.
> 
> And this.


So are you calling me a liar when I have actually Gibbed a EX for this or are you just not reading what I and others have said?

Its not about the cigar, its about not being some ones bitch in life. Principles count for many of us and we most certainly would not be treated like a child, by some loony chick. If they do not have any respect for your opinions and desires they are NOT the love of your life, they are a pain in your ass. That means yes get shut and find some one worthy of being the love of your life a partner not a hitler.


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## cool hand luke (Jul 28, 2012)

I"ll bet ya think twice b-4 posting anything about her again, and if ya go to a local B&M try talking sports or something...just sayin is all


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## StogieNinja (Jul 29, 2009)

BrunoBlack said:


> So are you calling me a liar when I have actually Gibbed a EX for this or are you just not reading what I and others have said?
> 
> Its not about the cigar, its about not being some ones bitch in life. Principles count for many of us and we most certainly would not be treated like a child, by some loony chick. If they do not have any respect for your opinions and desires they are NOT the love of your life, they are a pain in your ass. That means yes get shut and find some one worthy of being the love of your life a partner not a hitler.


Woah, Brian. No one called you a lair. I wasn't even referring to you specifically. Based on your combative tone, I believe you did exactly what you said!

My quote of the good doctor was about everything he said _before_ that, not about the very last solitary line which you apparently took personally. If you thought that calling you a liar was the point of what I quoted, _you're_ the one not reading what others have said.

I agree with one thing you said: it's _not_ about the cigar.

My point was that I love my wife more than my cigars. Fortunately, she loves me as well. Therefore, if she feels something is important enough to ask me to stop, I'll stop. If it's important to her, it's important to me, more important than any of my own preferences. For her, she won't ask me not to do something that really doesn't matter. So that means no motorcycle, no skydiving, and no tattoos for me. I count these as petty sacrifices compared to a lifetime of happiness and companionship. She's made similar sacrifices. We love each other. It's what people in love do.

My wife and I have a very close, high-funtioning relationship. So she doesn't get bent out of shape over stuff that doesn't matter. She doesn't ever give me drama, _ever_, and she's always honest about how she feels. There's absolutely no game playing in our relationship. No one-upsmanship, no envy, no jealousy, no competition, and above all, no fairness.

That's right, *no fairness*. See, real love doesn't look for fair. Love doesn't check the score, or keep track. Love keeps no record of wrongs. In our relationship, the agreement is that we put the other first. That's what love does. Love makes you ready and willing to make sacrifices for the one you love, even if you think it's silly. Love makes asking for a cold drink of water in the night as much a loving act as fetching that cup, as it gives the lover the opportunity to show love.

So, for _some_ of us, having our wives put a foot down doesn't mean being treated like a child, or being her "bitch", and most certainly doesn't make her a "loony chick" or a "pain in the ass." It makes them a loving spouse who is concerned, who is willing to share that concern, and for whom we husbands in such relationships would gladly lay down _anything_, including our very lives, to say nothing about a few rotten leaves.


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## gasdocok (May 14, 2011)

^^^umm... yep.




Damn you Derek, I have to spread around the rep points before I can hit you again.

One thing I always will remember the chaplain at our wedding said. "Marriage is not a 50%-50% proposition, its 100%-100%. If you both aren't willing to give 100% of yourself to the other, it will never work" I'm too tired to sort it out so it clearly applies to this situation but I'm sure it does.


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## StogieNinja (Jul 29, 2009)

gasdocok said:


> One thing I always will remember the chaplain at our wedding said. "Marriage is not a 50%-50% proposition, its 100%-100%. If you both aren't willing to give 100% of yourself to the other, it will never work" I'm too tired to sort it out so it clearly applies to this situation but I'm sure it does.


That's right, marriage is intense, and requires you to give 100%.

...but not 110%....

...ok, I only said that so I could post this:


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## Scott W. (Jul 10, 2008)

gasdocok said:


> ^^^umm... yep.
> 
> *Damn you Derek, I have to spread around the rep points before I can hit you again*.
> 
> One thing I always will remember the chaplain at our wedding said. "Marriage is not a 50%-50% proposition, its 100%-100%. If you both aren't willing to give 100% of yourself to the other, it will never work" I'm too tired to sort it out so it clearly applies to this situation but I'm sure it does.


Got him for ya


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

gasdocok said:


> ^^^umm... yep.
> 
> Damn you Derek, I have to spread around the rep points before I can hit you again.
> 
> One thing I always will remember the chaplain at our wedding said. "Marriage is not a 50%-50% proposition, its 100%-100%. If you both aren't willing to give 100% of yourself to the other, it will never work" I'm too tired to sort it out so it clearly applies to this situation but I'm sure it does.


My father in law gave me a great piece of advice on my wedding day. He said 'Leigh, the two most important words you now need to learn are' yes dear''.

In all seriousness, my marriage has worked out to be so good I think because we have both founded it on one simple principle. We each do our utmost all the time to make the other person happy. Literally. Is my wife wants something she gets it if we can afford it, and if we can't, we work out a way to skimp somewhere else so we can afford it. If I want something, same deal.

I think Bruno you are a bit to black and white. If you truly love your partner, you'll try to work anything out before you throw her out. No cigar is worth my wife's love to me, and the day she says it's her or the cigars you an all expect some good deals on WTS!


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## Ryan7311 (Jul 17, 2012)

I've been following this thread (as I also have found the story and discussion interesting) for a while. After reading everyone's points I've decided this...

When it comes to marriage everything can be compromised on. The 100% from both sides nailed it. I think where some people may feel a strong conviction about booting the wife over compromising on this have probably been in relationships where their partner was not giving 100% so they feel a greater need to look out for themselves (I'm one of those before I get attacked). A rule of thumb I use in my current relationship is the question "is this grievance about a new thing or something I've always done?" if its a new thing I tend to be much more willing to change or pass up what i want to try out. Now if it's something I've always done (this excludes hookers) well now I have to pose the question "why is this now an issue?" and I often do not cave on this unless it's for a very valid reason. I've always done this so what made you think I was going to change? Ultimately both people giving 100% and not trying to change the person you married are key. I'd kick out someone who wanted me to change who I was, but this shouldn't happen since I've never hidden the person I am and we constantly put each others NEEDS (not wants or desires always) ahead of our own. My .02.

I couldn't resist any longer lol.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

Aninjaforallseasons said:


> Woah, Brian. No one called you a lair. I wasn't even referring to you specifically. Based on your combative tone, I believe you did exactly what you said!
> 
> My quote of the good doctor was about everything he said _before_ that, not about the very last solitary line which you apparently took personally. If you thought that calling you a liar was the point of what I quoted, _you're_ the one not reading what others have said.
> 
> ...


You have your opinion fair enough your mistake is telling others they can not dump some one for just reasons and they are liars. The OP posted his comment and got roundly put straight by many here. You then decided to view our comments and repost this with no comment or additions to say this was not actually reality thus calling us BS liars.

I dumped my Bitch 30 years ago and since then have been married to a true caring reasonable partner for 25 years. Do I regret that NO it was the best thing I ever did. Do my wife and I argue hell yes , do we reach agreement and common ground yes. Do we dictate to one another NO. The point is You think dumping a partner is wrong in all cases. Reality is if they are A Holes its the best thing. You can not generalise about all relationships being great some are sht and need to die.


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## capttrips (Jun 25, 2012)

I feel like I'm in the middle of a Dr. Phil show.


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## cool hand luke (Jul 28, 2012)

Yea this thread has gone on long enough.


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## Marcm15 (Aug 5, 2012)

capttrips said:


> I feel like I'm in the middle of a Dr. Phil show.


More like Jerry Springer....


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## Tr1gger (Sep 7, 2012)

OK, I'm adding my bit to the Jerry Springer thread! This has helped to enlighten me to the great variance of people we have here (just like the real world!). I'm happy to see men with functional relationships like the one I now have. Mine however didn't start off this way, and was not easily won.

My husband was always a handsome rockstar/record producer type, who had his pick of women. He also had a bit of a hatefulness towards women that started with his kookoo mother. As soon as one pissed him off, or tried to change him, 'in the trash' as you boys say. Well, when I came along, he finally decided I was the one he wanted to keep. Thing was, I didn't like the attitude, and I had always been in healthy relationships where compromise on both sides played a good part in the harmony. He sensed something good could come of it, but knew he was just too messed up and full of anger towards women to not flip out and mess it up. And he hated the idea of expensive therapy, because last time a girl asked him to go, some silly woman had him rolling around on a ball on the floor bellowing. A quick local search turned up a way he could get help for free. It was called 'anger management' and it's where guys that have done criminal acts can choose to go instead of doing some time. He did a year, and literally changed from a raving lunatic, to a calm dude. Still a bit hateful occasionally, because of his misguided belief that women want to make men's life shit and control them, so he decided to do this free 'abuse course' too that the county had. Not because he was beating me, just because he was an asshole more than was necessary! Fast forward the 18 months, and he was is totally happier person. So many misconceptions dropped. Much better self control, learned a lot. I have an amazing husband. One that chose to fix himself up because he knew he had problems that meant it wouldn't last with me if it wasn't dealt with, so he did it. Didn't cost him a cent, he loved sitting around in the men's groups each week. Mostly he learned what he didn't want to be like from a lot of the emotionally stunted people there.

I never imagined people could change. But they can! And believe me when I say it wasn't my idea. It was his. He wasn't happy with all the negativity and anger that he didn't know what to do with. He just didn't develop those skills like others in healthier households. But, he was able to do it for himself (and it really does have to be for yourself). I'm proud of my man.

We have a beautiful loving relationship. He has plenty of leeway to do as he pleases, and all the trust that goes with it and vice versa. All concerns are discussed, and neither of us minds dropping something if the other feels it might not be a good way to go. There is not many things as rewarding on this earth as a healthy loving relationship. 

I really enjoyed reading about others' too.


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## capttrips (Jun 25, 2012)

What in the world does any of this have to do with cigars? The thread Eleigh started is done. The guys wife through his cigars away....BAD WIFE!!


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

Tr1gger said:


> OK, I'm adding my bit to the Jerry Springer thread! This has helped to enlighten me to the great variance of people we have here (just like the real world!). I'm happy to see men with functional relationships like the one I now have. Mine however didn't start off this way, and was not easily won.
> 
> My husband was always a handsome rockstar/record producer type, who had his pick of women. He also had a bit of a hatefulness towards women that started with his kookoo mother. As soon as one pissed him off, or tried to change him, 'in the trash' as you boys say. Well, when I came along, he finally decided I was the one he wanted to keep. Thing was, I didn't like the attitude, and I had always been in healthy relationships where compromise on both sides played a good part in the harmony. He sensed something good could come of it, but knew he was just too messed up and full of anger towards women to not flip out and mess it up. And he hated the idea of expensive therapy, because last time a girl asked him to go, some silly woman had him rolling around on a ball on the floor bellowing. A quick local search turned up a way he could get help for free. It was called 'anger management' and it's where guys that have done criminal acts can choose to go instead of doing some time. He did a year, and literally changed from a raving lunatic, to a calm dude. Still a bit hateful occasionally, because of his misguided belief that women want to make men's life shit and control them, so he decided to do this free 'abuse course' too that the county had. Not because he was beating me, just because he was an asshole more than was necessary! Fast forward the 18 months, and he was is totally happier person. So many misconceptions dropped. Much better self control, learned a lot. I have an amazing husband. One that chose to fix himself up because he knew he had problems that meant it wouldn't last with me if it wasn't dealt with, so he did it. Didn't cost him a cent, he loved sitting around in the men's groups each week. Mostly he learned what he didn't want to be like from a lot of the emotionally stunted people there.
> 
> ...


I am happy you have put up with your own little demon and after a few years ended up with a good relationship. However I dumped my Demon and found the love that I deserved with the most wonderful gal in the world. There is no right or wrong way its what works for you.

My point is sure this guy could work on it and after years either end up in mess or with a great relationship. There is no indication this guys wife wants to change in any way or be an equal. This business of binning the cigars is about humiliation. She never gave him the option of sending them back, as he was being punished publicly before his friend. Its not health issue, it is a control issue obviously. I would never embarrass my wife publicly like that. Lets face it the guy has probably only emailed what happened under duress. Why not just send them back and say I changed my mind thanks pal, that would at least save face. Save yourself looking whipped, saves the wife looking a control freak?


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## Scott W. (Jul 10, 2008)

Guys, does anyone really care at this point? Can we start talking about cigars again. If you want to dump your wife, go do it then post something cigar related


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## capttrips (Jun 25, 2012)

scottw said:


> Guys, does anyone really care at this point? Can we start talking about cigars again. If you want to dump your wife, go do it then post something cigar related


RG for you scottw!!


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

scottw said:


> Guys, does anyone really care at this point? Can we start talking about cigars again. If you want to dump your wife, go do it then post something cigar related


So you came on a very active topic you do not want to view, to tell everyone, actively on it on it to stop. That makes no sense. Just stop following it and have a good day, if it upsets you. Seriously your post is odd. I do not participate on many topics, hell I dislike some but I do not need them closed down on my account.

Are you seriously saying this is not about a guy being mistreated over cigars?


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## capttrips (Jun 25, 2012)

BrunoBlack said:


> So you came on a very active topic you do not want to view, to tell everyone, actively on it on it to stop. That makes no sense. Just stop following it and have a good day, if it upsets you. Seriously your post is odd. I do not participate on many topics, hell I dislike some but I do not need them closed down on my account.
> 
> Are you seriously saying this is not about a guy being mistreated over cigars?


No that is not is not what I'm saying. Noone asked it be it be closed down. If you want to keep it going be my guest. You'll be a thread of 1.


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## AndrewNYC (Jun 28, 2012)

Eleigh said:


> It's true. What a shame if those nice sticks wind up in the trash instead of being enjoyed by a botl though eh?


But ..... that ... that ..... could NEVER happen!

Please say it can't happen!

FWIW ... my wife is no fan of my smoking, but, my house, my rules!  And there is plenty of compromise -- I go with her *while she shops for shoes* and cook dinner several nights a week ... happy wife, happy life, as they say.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

capttrips said:


> No that is not is not what I'm saying. Noone asked it be it be closed down. If you want to keep it going be my guest. You'll be a thread of 1.


I will be on my own this has about 15 posts today alone. What are you on about. If you want to look elsewhere fine why are you still on this topic really I am bemused. Us all posting here does not detract from the rest of the post count that much.


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## Brettanomyces (Jul 12, 2012)

It might be best if a mod moves this out of the cigar forum. I think that's the source of most of this frustration right now.


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## StogieNinja (Jul 29, 2009)

BrunoBlack said:


> ...and they are liars. The OP posted his comment and got roundly put straight by many here. You then decided to view our comments and repost this with no comment or additions to say this was not actually reality thus calling us BS liars.


You're right, I apologize for leaving that last line in the quote. As I already said, I absolutely believe you did what you said you did. But again, that was one line out of two entire paragraphs, and again, _clearly _wasn't the point I was making.



BrunoBlack said:


> ...your mistake is telling others they can not dump some one for just reasons...





BrunoBlack said:


> The point is You think dumping a partner is wrong in all cases. Reality is if they are A Holes its the best thing.


If they're emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive, I think one has perfectly justifiable grounds to leave the relationship. I _never _said there weren't justifiable reasons for dumping someone. I just don't think that this kind of disagreement is one of them.



BrunoBlack said:


> You can not generalise about all relationships being great some are sht and need to die.


I wasn't saying that all relationships being great. I was saying that they _can't _be great if you aren't willing to make sacrifices, or if you're trying to ensure things are fair.


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## capttrips (Jun 25, 2012)

BrunoBlack said:


> I will be on my own this has about 15 posts today alone. What are you on about. If you want to look elsewhere fine why are you still on this topic really I am bemused. Us all posting here does not detract from the rest of the post count that much.


And one has to wonder why you have relationship issues?


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## cool hand luke (Jul 28, 2012)

kinda like a school yard fight...Been out of school over 40 years now.. Now can we talk grown up stuff....ugh


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## StogieNinja (Jul 29, 2009)

Robbie, no offense, but you've popped in here twice to say you think we should stop discussing the topic, twice without giving any positive or constructive comments, and now to just insult those who are posting. 

So why not contribute to something you feel has a point, or just leave the conversation alone and pursue different threads, instead of insulting those of us who feel that relationships are actually vital to the life of the cigar community, to say nothing of society, and therefore are perfectly "grown up" topics to pursue?


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## cool hand luke (Jul 28, 2012)

Aninjaforallseasons said:


> Robbie, no offense, but you've popped in here twice to say you think we should stop discussing the topic, twice without giving any positive or constructive comments, and now to just insult those who are posting.
> 
> So why not contribute to something you feel has a point, or just leave the conversation alone and pursue different threads, instead of insulting those of us who feel discussions about relationships are actually vital to the life of our community, to say nothing of society?


i signed up to a smoking site, what do i care what people do in there personal life on here.....But I"m out of here, you guys can stir up all the b.s. you want, I"m bigger than that!!!


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## StogieNinja (Jul 29, 2009)

Robbie, let me apologize for my snarky tone. I didn't mean to come off as antagonistic. However, obviously a lot of guys here are in serious relationships, and cigars effect relationships in many ways. So for us, as a _community_ of cigar smokers, this is an important topic to discuss.

If you're only here for cigar reviews, then this isn't the thread for you, and that's perfectly fine.

But there are many of us who view Puff as a place to find both community and real friendship, and therefore it's also a place to discuss other things one might discuss with friends, both related to cigars (such as how they affect our relationships), or unrelated to cigars (such as the birth/health/death of a loved one).

To insult that entire community, and to insinuate that you're some how above the rest of us because we want to engage in _real _conversation, goes against the spirit of what Puff is all about.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

capttrips said:


> And one has to wonder why you have relationship issues?


Where did you get that from? I have been happily married for 25 years. That does not seem like a relationship problem in my book. Just smart picking a good woman. At least read the posts before making yourself look bad.


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## cool hand luke (Jul 28, 2012)

i did not say i was better than the rest, you did.........i dont need this so ill find another site more suitable.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

Aninjaforallseasons said:


> You're right, I apologize for leaving that last line in the quote. As I already said, I absolutely believe you did what you said you did. But again, that was one line out of two entire paragraphs, and again, _clearly _wasn't the point I was making.
> 
> If they're emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive, I think one has perfectly justifiable grounds to leave the relationship. I _never _said there weren't justifiable reasons for dumping someone. I just don't think that this kind of disagreement is one of them.
> 
> I wasn't saying that all relationships being great. I was saying that they _can't _be great if you aren't willing to make sacrifices, or if you're trying to ensure things are fair.


OK I am still bemused why you raised it again after it was refuted soundly, but fair enough I will let it go.

This woman is abusive. No guy goes on face book and says he is a bitch and his wife has taken his toys away and smacked his bum. Thus announcing it to the world. You would keep that one secret unless forced to do it by the 'BOSS'

The point is this is more than a cigar issue its about standing up to someone who is wrong in every conceivable way for you. I would never humiliate my wife like this bitch did her Husband, NEVER. That is showing no respect and insulting. It was not needed and manipulative She got mad he dared go behind her back and she humiliated him. That is not a relationship.


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

Please gentlemen, let's keep it friendly. I understand this has turned into a bit of a soap opera but if we can remain civil please, that will make this site the best for everyone. Cattrips especially my friend, I do understand your point of view but please don't poke the bear! ( it's not worth it believe me!)

Thanks guys.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

cool hand luke said:


> i did not say i was better than the rest, you did.........i dont need this so ill find another site more suitable.


I Honestly do not get why you keep posting on this topic you claim to hate! Just unsubscribe and chill with a cigar review. Its simple. Because some of us see the connection of wives etc relating to their cigars, bothers you so much is beyond comprehension.

As for quitting the site that seems a tad extreme.


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## Koach Kuku (Jul 2, 2012)

Brian, 
I understand what you are saying. One thing about the internet and "text speak" in general is it is hard to read the tone. Maybe that is his way of joking around with his wife knowing he can do what he pleases but will still change his ways after he has a conversation with his wife. I think you are reading into this far too much, you have just a small part of the information and are making pretty sound judgements of people who you don't know. For example, I joke with my wife and with my buddies about being whipped, doesn't mean I really am but it is something to joke about. I can say "oh I'm whipped I have to go to a rom-com with the wife tonight I can't do poker". It doesn't really mean I'm whipped it means I chose to spend time with my wife instead of hang out with the guys. I have only been married 4 months so what do I know but just thought I should throw in my 2 cents.

In general I don't think we should be judging others on here on past or current relationships unless they ask for it. Everyone has their own relatioinship that works for them. Let it be theirs.



BrunoBlack said:


> OK I am still bemused why you raised it again after it was refuted soundly, but fair enough I will let it go.
> 
> This woman is abusive. No guy goes on face book and says he is a bitch and his wife has taken his toys away and smacked his bum. Thus announcing it to the world. You would keep that one secret unless forced to do it by the 'BOSS'
> 
> The point is this is more than a cigar issue its about standing up to someone who is wrong in every conceivable way for you. I would never humiliate my wife like this bitch did her Husband, NEVER. That is showing no respect and insulting. It was not needed and manipulative She got mad he dared go behind her back and she humiliated him. That is not a relationship.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

Koach Kuku said:


> Brian,
> I understand what you are saying. One thing about the internet and "text speak" in general is it is hard to read the tone. Maybe that is his way of joking around with his wife knowing he can do what he pleases but will still change his ways after he has a conversation with his wife. I think you are reading into this far too much, you have just a small part of the information and are making pretty sound judgements of people who you don't know. For example, I joke with my wife and with my buddies about being whipped, doesn't mean I really am but it is something to joke about. I can say "oh I'm whipped I have to go to a rom-com with the wife tonight I can't do poker". It doesn't really mean I'm whipped it means I chose to spend time with my wife instead of hang out with the guys. I have only been married 4 months so what do I know but just thought I should throw in my 2 cents.
> 
> In general I don't think we should be judging others on here on past or current relationships unless they ask for it. Everyone has their own relatioinship that works for them. Let it be theirs.


So if your wife did this you would post it on Face book at your own will to look a mug really? She never sent them back to the kind gifter she never allowed the husband to do this and she humiliated the guy in this way and he thought great I will tell the world. Sorry do not buy that most guys I know would send them back if they talked this over and the wife won them round. Not accept bitchdom and then tell the world and his friend on facebook! This is not guess work do you know a guy who would deliberately make himself a laughingstock.


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

BrunoBlack said:


> So if your wife did this you would post it on Face book at your own will to look a mug really? She never sent them back to the kind gifter she never allowed the husband to do this and she humiliated the guy in this way and he thought great I will tell the world. Sorry do not buy that most guys I know would send them back if they talked this over and the wife won them round. Not accept bitchdom and then tell the world and his friend on facebook! This is not guess work do you know a guy who would deliberately make himself a laughingstock.


Lets be clear Brian, he told me in a private fb message the fate of the cigars. I'm sorry if that was not clear.


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## BrunoBlack (Jul 9, 2012)

Eleigh said:


> Lets be clear Brian, he told me in a private fb message the fate of the cigars. I'm sorry if that was not clear.


That was not how it looked. I am somewhat appeased by that.


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## Koach Kuku (Jul 2, 2012)

Maybe to you it is seen that way but maybe he (the guy who did it) doesn't really care. I mean its not you, your not the one posting it up, but you seem very upset that any male would do this. Maybe he doesn't see it as making himself look like a laughingstock, maybe he sees it as righting a ship that could have taken a turn for the worse over something dumb like cigars. Like I said maybe that relationship works for him.



BrunoBlack said:


> So if your wife did this you would post it on Face book at your own will to look a mug really? She never sent them back to the kind gifter she never allowed the husband to do this and she humiliated the guy in this way and he thought great I will tell the world. Sorry do not buy that most guys I know would send them back if they talked this over and the wife won them round. Not accept bitchdom and then tell the world and his friend on facebook! This is not guess work do you know a guy who would deliberately make himself a laughingstock.


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## Eleigh (Jun 8, 2012)

I think it really is academic what she did, what she said at this point. I guess the moral of the story is to make sure that a gift is always appropriate!

I feel we are at risk of some great botls falling out over something silly here. With everyone's agreement I respectfully suggest we close this up.

All the best, and glad I sparked some healthy discussion!

Leigh


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## bpegler (Mar 30, 2006)

Closed at request of OP.


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