# Tamboril/cremosa Face-off Results!!



## Da Klugs

Please post your comments and votes here for who's # 4328 (if that's how many types of cigars are made wordwide).


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## DonJefe

horrorview said:


> Sorry, Dave! I thought a new thread would be useful for the results!!!


Did Kareem tell you that? :r


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## horrorview

*Re: The Official Tamboril vs Cremosa Cubana Poll and Comment Thread*


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## horrorview

Kareem knows ALL!!!

Dave started another thread for it, so I moved the piccy over there!

MODS! If yer watchin', can ya kill this thread?


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## dadof3illinois

Great job Jim....that was too funny!!! So is there really a winner here?

Make sure you do a review of each...... :r


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## Da Klugs

*Re: The Official Tamboril vs Cremosa Cubana Poll and Comment Thread*

Too funny. Still laughing. Thanks for putting in the effort. Maybe a grant from the govt. public service.


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## rumballs

*Re: The Official Tamboril vs Cremosa Cubana Poll and Comment Thread*

on vacation (well, working in a different state right now), so for now I will just say: Tamborils are worse.
More notes to come next week when I get home.


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## galaga

*Re: The Official Tamboril vs Cremosa Cubana Poll and Comment Thread*

That's Frickin funny..."Why is Kareem Abdul Jabbar in my house!":r

Cheech: You mean we're smokin dogshit man?

http://www.jahozafat.com/cgi-bin/mp3s.cgi?Cheech_And_Chong=dogpoop.mp3 :r


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## colgate

*Re: The Official Tamboril vs Cremosa Cubana Poll and Comment Thread*



galaga said:


> That's Frickin funny..."Why is Kareem Abdul Jabbar in my house!":r
> 
> Cheech: You mean we're smokin dogshit man?
> 
> http://www.jahozafat.com/cgi-bin/mp3s.cgi?Cheech_And_Chong=dogpoop.mp3 :r


Kareem Abdul JaBlunt! Nice cartoon!


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## DonJefe

*Re: The Official Tamboril vs Cremosa Cubana Poll and Comment Thread*



colgate said:


> Kareem Abdul JaBlunt! Nice cartoon!


JaBlunt!!! :r :r That brought tears to my eyes!!


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## NCRadioMan

Well, well, well. Looks like I recieved a Klugs "special" package today. u

Except for the pallate cleansers. _*Thank you very much Dave*! _

I usually smoke on the drive home, but I decided not to endanger other drivers and myself by trying to take on one of these "beauties". So, I will go for it tomorrow at lunch, before I eat!

No way I could top horror on the review, thats great and funny as hades!

Great day, a package from Dave and I won a top of the line plastic 1.5 gallon gas/combo 2 qt. gas/oil mixture can! My mechanically-challenged partner got tow ropes???? :r

I would hit your rg, but it won't let me.

Thanks again Klugsie!

:ms NCRM


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## icehog3

Nice review Jim!! LMFAO big time!!!

I too will try to make my review half as interesting as Jim's...

Dave, thanks (?) for using me as one of your lab rats....I am looking forward (?) to trying them later tonight....I am leaving them out of the humidor for fear of them trying to breed.....God help us all!!


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## TShailer

Six-plus years in the Army and I learned not to volunteer for extra duties like painting rocks or Tamboril tasting. However, I forgot that sometimes s**t just rolls downhill and splats on your office desk in the form of a shrink-wrapped package on an otherwise sunny Wednesday afternoon. Forgot all about this thread and next thing I know I'm drafted. Yikes!

Thanks for putting a buffer between the pallet cleansers and the nastiness.  My wife's a big fan of one of the cleansing smokes, so I may live with the Cremosa taste for the rest of my life. Never been one to shirk my duty, but it will take me until this weekend to get up the nerve to smoke these.

p.s. Jim, that was an over-the-top effort on your review. It's helping me steel myself for the task at hand.


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## mr.c

ok I got a package today  I cant believe you expect someone to smoke these ?? you should hand these out at LOLH 5 :r 

I dont dare put these in the humi so I will smoke both tonight u with photographic proof 


this is for you dave :fu


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## Jeff

That cartoon rocks Horrorview! :r I think if you look up the definition of Dog Rocket in Websters, you will find these two cigars..


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## hungsolo

OK, Klugz. I thought you liked me. 

Apparantly, you're on a mission to poison every living being on the planet! I mean, the mailman's hands was a shiveled up knob when he handed me the package. I didn't know what it was, so I handled it with my stainless steel BBQ tongs (ruined!). :c

I have a chem warfare suit left over from my days in the military, and once donning the proper equipment, I opened the package. Lucky for me I had those heavy rubber gloves on, as the odiferous fumes creeping out of the box nearly ruined them. The package may have started out airtight, but sometime during transit, it was compromised.

They were sitting there looking innocent, but I knew the danger. I put them in an air tight container, and there they sit. Waiting for this weekend. I accept your challenge, you FOG. They will die a horrible death on Saturday. Luckily it's a holiday, because I suspect I'll need the extra recuperation period.

More to follow...

u


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## mr.c

ok just smoked both, we have a winner by a knockout, and we have a loser .....me 

Started with the tamboril.

I took the tamboril out of the cello then to get a sense of what a cigar might be like I always smell the foot of the cigar. THe smell of the foot and the wrapper was one of cat urine, right then I knew I was in for a treat!

*Prelight draw*

Had the taste of licking an old church basement floor.

*light up*

First light up wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be. Cigar was mild and bland. This was as good as it was going to get. First inch a heavy metalic taste was comming on, followed by a wet earthy musty taste. Halfway now, cigar has a taste of a rusty fencepost. earthy taste is gone, replace with a bitter taste almost like graphite.

*conclusion*

this cigar sucked. period. but how bad ? could the cremosa cream the tamboril turd? Or would the cremosa be crowned the crummy cigar king.

*Cremosa *

After taking out the cremosa doing the smell test, it was pretty much the same as the tamboril. Cat piss.

*Pre light draw* 
Tasted like cat piss

*Light up*

Wow this cigar is bad. musty, moldy, metalic. Cigar is getting worse, this thing taste like licking a wet dog. ohhh ohhhhh this cigar is quite complex. Moldy, musty, metalic, wet dog, and now a vurp taste is comming on strong. A vurp is when you burb but a little stomach acid/vomit comes up too. hence the name vurp, vomit-burp. yeah that taste. ohhh we have a clear winner, this is too much. Only about 2 inches, if that smoked. Cant even think about going any further. The tamboril was at least smokable but this ... this... beast, is truely awful.

*Conclusion*

The Cremosa is the crummy cigar king. Truly awful in all respects. Honestly, I would rather bathe my dog and drink the rinse water than smoke this cigar.

Dave I dont know what I ever did to you but I am truely sorry. lol

im off now to gargle with lots mouth wash.


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## mr.c

heres a link if pic doesnt work http://community.webshots.com/photo/353455407/353456843jKyupN


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## Da Klugs

Is it just me or does Joe have really big fingers. You could be a Party trick **** star with dem babies.


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## mr.c

Da Klugs said:


> Is it just me or does Joe have really big fingers. You could be a Party trick **** star with dem babies.


just thought I would give you a 2 finger salute for such a tasty cigar challange u


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## Da Klugs

Interestingly my experience differed from Mr. C for reasons explained later.

*Tamboril*

First off this is my second Tamboril. First one came in a sampler and left a lasting impression. These look nice. Nicely rolled with a med body. A mirage.. like a good looking woman without genitals and a gag reflex that starts between lips and teeth.

Lit fine, burned fine. Tasted like &#8230; well there were hints of tobacco flavor here and there. The rest of the time well&#8230; it really really sucked. I smoked it about half way down and set it free. Not because I loved it. These really are very very bad cigars.

*Cremosa Cubana*

Here is the strange part of the tale. This cigar I remember as being worse than the Tamboril. Dadof3il sent me some "aged" of these and I smoked one. What a big difference. Sent 4 aged and 25 fresh out so this could affect the results.

This cigar did not taste to bad. Almost as good as the ones you get at the drug store. Almost. Was not in any sort of pain when I pitched it at the ½ way point. Had a little twang. Some flavor, might be tobacco, really quite confusing.

For me Tamborils suck like well you in the blank here. So my vote is TAMBORIL may the growers, harvesters, rollers, mfg'rs, Importers, marketers and retailers all be forced to smoke them daily.


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## dayplanner

u 

Just had to get that out of the way...

Tamboril

Construction is very nice, firm, good draw and deceptive. Pre-light smell was a Denon surround sound box that had been left in the rain for a few months on the side of the house during the winter right next to where the dog does #2 with a hint generic cigarette tobacco.

Taste... the cardboard was coming on strong right at the beginning but then the draw of construction failed in some way because the thing wouldn't put out any smoke unless I chain puffed it and anyone that has smoked one of these knows that is not an option.... even for science. I tried to keep it going for a minute.... oh alright, you caught me, a half a minute but each time I would puff it hard to keep it going it tasted real bitter like a cigar that has gone out... except this one wasn't out. all I got out of it for flavor was coffee (folgers used grounds) infused with cat urine.

Overall it was disgusting and I hope Klugs is LHAO because I sure ain't



The Cremosa

I pulled it out of the cello and a bunch of brown powderish stuff fell out and it was on the cigar... kinda felt like an aged cigar with whatever that dust resembling stuff is.

Construction was pretty shaky with a few soft spots and a wrinkled wrapper. Prelight small was pure crap... this time the cardboard had been fermenting... for quite sometime... no hint of any tobacco at all.

After lighting and a few puffs... I'm not feeling so good, it has started a headache and it has no flavor at all except for the fermented cardboard with a strong scent of wet dog. Only got a few puffs out of that.... I was wishing it wouldn't produce smoke. I brought out some brownies to drown out the taste of the test but I don't think I should eat anything for a little while.

For me it was hands down to the cremosa... although the tamborli tasted as bad... I attribute it mostly to the bad draw (maybe a leak?)

BUT I MUST WARN YOU!!!

mmblz sent me something from the Dog Rocket thread... it was a Don Barreto and it made these two taste like a PSD4 and a Monte #2... it was the barf that someone spewed after smoking these two all rolled up into something that resembled a cigar.

I guess that may be the reason I was stupid enough to get involved with this sick joke... 

Klugs may be the "godfather of hit" but he will now also be known as the "distributor of sh1t" (pardon the language but if this was not a good exception to the rule that there are none)

That Don Barreto made want to never smoke again and this is close... but no cigar.

You are a bad man Klugsy, but thanks for the "cleansers" :al 

Where the heck is my bucket???


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## icehog3

*Tamboril*

I decide to smoke the Tamboril in the parking garage near where I work. Pulling the cigar from its cellophane jail, I swear I have seen this cigar before. Finally, it comes to me&#8230;it is just the same as the Cuban Cohibas I bought from the guy walking the beach in Cancun last summer. A squeeze reveals a spongy construction, much like a contraceptive sponge prior to insertion.

*Pre-light draw*

The pre-light draw is a taste to remember&#8230;its what I imagine sucking powdered goat feces through a straw made of petrified moose $hit might taste like. I contemplate quitting the contest and sending Dave back his extra smokes, but decide that if I can have a root canal with no anesthesia, I can smoke this cigar.

*The smoke*

As I toast the end, the smell of the Killing Fields of Cambodia is what I perceive. All the pain and torture endured there seems only slightly worse than the experience I am beginning. The first draw fills my mouth with smoke that would be better suited for a fire at a tire factory, but I press on, knowing that I must help Dave find some answers to his dilemma. My head begins to pound like a headboard in a Ginger Lynn movie, but I puff again, trying to keep the smoke in and the bile down. The cigar is burning sideways and fast, and finally I can take no more. I see a homeless man walking by in his filthy clothes, and I ask him to spit in my mouth to take away the taste of the Tamboril. He obliges and the stale taste of Mad Dog 20/20 and Virginia Slims is a welcome change. I offer him the remainder of the cigar as a reward for his kind gesture, and he slugs me square in the mouth. The mixture of my own blood and the Mogan David remain with me on my journey home for the second part of my adventure.

*Cremosa*

I take the Cremosa out of its wrapper, and am immediately overwhelmed by the scent of Miss Locascio's house. Miss L was the woman on our block with 72 cats, 3 ferrets and a nasty flatulence problem. The cigar feels harder than the mattress at the Motel 6 and has the same color as the middle of horrorview's prescription thong.

*Pre-light draw*

The pre-light draw feels looser than an Irish hooker on St Patrick's Day. I long for the taste of spit and blood again as I taste the rancid pork washed down with spoiled milk flavor that the Cremosa offers.I shudder as I reach into my pocket for my lighter. As I contemplate my next move, Chevy Chase appears on my shoulder&#8230;"See the cigar, hog&#8230;.be the cigar"&#8230;.I flick my bic.

*The smoke*

The smell of the cigar is a familiar one&#8230;.the smoke smells like the water that leaks out of a dumpster behind a Mexican restaurant on a 95 degree day. My head swims with irrational thoughts&#8230;."should I slit my wrists?"&#8230;."should I eat a bullet?"&#8230;.."should I watch 'American Idol'?". Finally, sanity creeps back in, and I rush to the sink. No time for the Drew Estates Dave included as a palate cleanser, I reach for the Liquid Plumber and greedily chug from the bottle. The second degree burns scorching my tongue bring welcome relief from the taste of the Craposa. In the ambulance, the paramedic asks "what is that rancid pork and spoiled milk smell on your breath", even as he stabilizes my vital signs. I will live, he tells me, and by the way, he found my cigar and saved it for me. I wonder if they will have any sharp items in my hospital room?

So the loser&#8230; or the winner&#8230;of the worst of the worst&#8230;Cremosa. Thanks a lot Dave&#8230;I will send you the hospital bills.


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## mr.c

...the morning after. My mouth feels/tastes like someone took a dump in it last night.  I thought I retired from dog rocket smoking long ago. What I do for friends sheeesh. :gn


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## MiamiE

well Dave so thoughfully volunteered me for his little research project -insert scream: 'Thanks Dave!'- i decided to smoke both of these beasts last night and what can i say. i was left in tears.

*Tamboril* was my first stick. and there aint words to express how bad this was. honestly i know everyone is saying theyre bad but this is a crappy TASTING stick. mine burnt fine, had a fine draw. the cap and the foot were fine also. it had a distinct flavor to it though. sort of like something that wouldve come out of a baboons chaffed ass. i would try smoking this baby through the cellophane next time. the cello would have given it a much better taste if any at all. again 'Thanks Dave' :r i was only able to make it 3/4 of the way before i had to say enough is enough. after disinfecting my damaged mouth with hydrogen peroxide i decided to light up stick #2. 
*La Cremosa Cubana*. well aint this a fine stud. this cigar should be named 'La Crema de un Cubano' or 'Creme de Cuban'. i can only think the fine rollers wherever this thing was made decided to have a 'party' of sorts and my stogie got some afterspray. not a welcome thought at all. again these cigars burn great and have great draws but the flavors are terrible and mostly non-existent. i actually smoked this one half way before i gave into the pressure. on this cigar i really did not taste anything but i guess, smoke! it really makes you appreciate the money you spend on quality stogies!

Thanks again Dave for asking for my opinion! nice palette cleansers also 

i enjoyed La Cremosa Cubana much more than the Tamborils


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## SeanGAR

So far the vote is 5 to 4 .... after reading the reviews I'm honestly NOT excited about lighting these guys up tonight ... but I promised I would. 

I have the staining on the back deck flooring to do with the associated moving crap around, so I'll have time to savor these delectable gems and bask in the purfumy aromas of nastarium and cedar. That, of course, will be the stain aromas ... the cigars apparently will more closely resemble one type of waste or another. I hope to finally help decide the age old question: do these taste like piss or poo?


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## MiamiE

i cleaned up with a nice RASCC after that disaster!


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## Roger Miller"

(AP – Portland, Oregon) May 26, 2005: A local man was taken into the hospital today and is in intensive care after falling victim to, what local authorities believe is a string of related and unprovoked murder attempts. A bizarre tale is being unraveled as the local man, whose identity is not being released, recalls, as best he can, the details. Not everything is known at this early stage in the investigation but a few sketchy details are clear.

What is known is that the man received a package from a friend he met in an internet chat room centering around the discussion of cigars. In the package were some cigars, a customary and regular occurrence for members of the chat room. It seems, however, that one or more of these cigars were contaminated with tamboril poison. Investigators are following up leads, but details of the investigation are not being released in the open case.

Medical experts we talked to about the man’s condition were guarded and would only say that he is recovering but remains in critical condition. Not much is known about this exotic hemotoxin. It is found in nature on diseased tobacco plants that are readily identified and easily culled from production. During the 90’s boom years of the cigar revival a few unscrupulous manufactures were known to use these diseased plants to cut the costs of production, but it was thought that this illegal activity had been shut down. This remains an area open to investigation.

Tamboril poison acts to destroy red blood cells, disrupt blood clotting, and/or cause organ degeneration and generalized tissue damage. Often the cure is as painful as the conditions brought on by the poison. Experts we consulted were reluctant to fully describe treatment, as it can differ from case to case depending on toxicity level, but did share the following general courses of action. The victims are usually delirious and prone to hallucinations and violent outbursts, so they are sedated and physically restrained. Ice water baths, electroshock therapy, and blood letting through the eyes with leaches, are all commonly used to slow the advance of the poison, mitigate psychological trauma, and remove or neutralize as much toxin from the system as possible.

Local authorities are taking an aggressive position on this crime and are calling it a terrorist activity. A spokesman from Mayor Potter’s office said that they were taking this seriously and that the matter has been referred to the Justice Department and the Department of Homeland Security. “We will not sit idle when one of our citizens has been so brutally attacked”, said the spokesman when discussing the matter with the media. Local authorities are being assisted by the FBI in the ongoing investigation as it appears this is not an isolated case. No more information is being released at this time.


____
rm


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## Da Klugs

:r Yes but in a perverse turn of events could the Cremosas actually be a painful yet effective cure. We wait in breathless (and tasteless) anticipation.


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## DonJefe

That was the most disgusting thing I've done in years! The Cremosa is the hands down winner. I can't even put in to words how bad this cigar tasted. Thanks Dave! u


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## MiamiE

:r you guys are to much!


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## Roger Miller"

Srory aobut the dealy in this reivew. I was recently hospiatalized and I havnet being feelnig myslef lately. As a favor to our frined DaKlugs, I agreed to do a taste reivew for the "tow wrost" cgiars in the wolrd. Unfortunately I seem to have mislpaced the Tamboril in the conufsion surrounding my trip to the hosipatl.

There were piercingly bright lights and then cold silence filling a field of blue pain.

I beleive the remaining cigar is the Cremosa, but that is from memory, I'm just not right in the head right now. Anyway, I had my wife cut the end off because I was found somking my inedx finger this morning. She had resevrations about this, (actually she was crying and begging me not to smoke this ciagr from Dave) but respects my loaylty to my fiends at CS.

Maggots were crawling through the viens of the black leaf turning it to an oily stain that I dipped my finger into. One streak down the center of my face leaving an acid burn and the echo of baying, like a jackal.

The Cremosa filled my mouth with a wondrous and comlpex array of flavors; moonbeams, radon, a hint of vanilla. It was bliss, then my wife took the charared inedx finger from this morning and hnaded me the cigar. I settled into my chair on the deck and listened to the drone of a fly, a little drool escpaing from my open mouth. Bzzzz&#8230;&#8230;&#8230; Next thing I knew I was back in the emregency room with third dergee burns where the Cremosa had fused itself with my thmub and the remaining good index finger.

Faces, so many faces, eyes, so many eyes, and leaches, fleshy green with red stripes, undulating, mouths rasping.

Sorry Dave, if you send a copule more I'll be up for trying these again. But it will have to be after I recvoer. I don't know, a month or so should do it. Really man, sorry to let you down on this one.

(p.s. I apolgoize for any spleling errors, I had to do this by touch tpying as my eyes are still banadged from the inicdent earlier this week)
_____
rm


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## RcktS4

:r :r mmfatfo at roger miller. 

I'm Sooooo sorry I missed out on this review session. 

seriously.


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## horrorview

DonJefe said:


> That was the most disgusting thing I've done in years! The Cremosa is the hands down winner. I can't even put in to words how bad this cigar tasted. Thanks Dave! u


Did you see retired basketball players standing in front of some sort of anomylous space/time vortex as well, or was it just me?


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## DonJefe

horrorview said:


> Did you see retired basketball players standing in front of some sort of anomylous space/time vortex as well, or was it just me?


Yes I did, it was Wilt Chamberlain with a whole posse of ho's!


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## RcktS4

RcktS4 said:


> :r :r mmfatfo at roger miller.
> 
> I'm Sooooo sorry I missed out on this review session.
> 
> seriously.


  Package just arrived. 

thanks dave. I could have sworn I did NOT volunteer for this.
If I'm not back in 48 hours, send a search party.


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## DonJefe

RcktS4 said:


> Package just arrived.
> 
> thanks dave. I could have sworn I did NOT volunteer for this.
> If I'm not back in 48 hours, send a search party.


Just go ahead and get it over with! Don't delay it only makes it worse!!


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## mr.c

.......a layer of skin has just peeled of my tongue and the roof of my mouth.


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## SeanGAR

I sniffed the Cremosa's foot......

Not a good start....


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## jgrimball

Did I just smoke an ashtray or a butthole?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?
I always smell the foot of the cigar before I indulge in it and these smelled like pure sweaty butthole inside of an ashtray!!!!!
u u u 
I think the Tamboril was the worst of the two but they were both very bad!
I couldnt hardly smoke them without getting cottonmouth and the feeling of pure death! Thanks for letting me try these out Dave!


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## RcktS4

Removed the Cremosa from the cellophane. 

First Ring of Klugs' Inferno:


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## horrorview

RcktS4 said:


> Removed the Cremosa from the cellophane.
> 
> First Ring of Klugs' Inferno:


 :r :r :r


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## icehog3

horrorview said:


> Did you see retired basketball players standing in front of some sort of anomylous space/time vortex as well, or was it just me?


I thought my homeless spitter looked a lot like Artis Gilmore!!!


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## NCRadioMan

OH MY GOD! What the hell have you done to me Klugs! Have I been slipped acid. I see......shapes.....trails......colors............flying badgers. (no ball players) I taste ash........feet........ass. u And it lingers still!

I smoked the Craposa first. I read other reviews and did not attempt to sniff the foot on either. Lit and burned well, and easily. Burning paper/piss aroma and tasted somewhat like tobacco with a hint of vomit. Got almost to a third and was getting a haddack. Not good. Not good, at all!

Next, the most hideous thing i've ever put in my mouth. The White Label TAMBORIL! Just typing that is giving me a panic attack. I was still recovering with a hint of Craposa on the breath when I did what I should not have done. I lit the white label monster, immediatly smelled, what seems to be common, piss. Then it hit the pallet. I knew I made a mistake. Seems a light film develops around my mouth, I'll call it bile! Tasted as listed above. Ash, feet and ass. Not necessarily in that order. Didn't get to a third on this horrid stick.

*Tamboril takes the day!*

Gee, thanks Dave. I need therapy now. I'll make an appointment when these visions and delusions stop.

And Icehog, please send Artis my way, this is bad!

:ms NCRM


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## RcktS4

*Introduction:*
I can't believe I'm actually going along with this. Klugs just basically got 30 of us to play "smell my finger'".

I decided that the Tamboril was going to go first, because the band was a harmless white - how bad could it be? Besides, when I took the cremosa out of the cellophane I knew I would have to work my way up to it...

*Pre-light Ruminations:*
It really doesn't look too bad - reasonable construction, brown wrapper. Then I sniffed at the foot - big mistake. Sort of like looking down before skydiving. Smells like crap - and not in "barnyard" way of a cuban Partagas... more like a "Who threw the dynamite in the sewage plant next door" kind of way.

Too late now. I steeled my nerves and lit it up.

*Initial thoughts:*
"What the FCUK IS that?" My throat clamped shut, and I made involuntary muscular contractions as my tongue tried to forcibly extricate itself from my mouth. This must be what cats feel like when they cough up a furball.

*Smoking experience:*
It was short lived. My throat finally calmed down, and in the aftermath of the convulsions I noticed the taste. OH DEAR GOD THE _TASTE!_ - it was HORRIBLE. The first taste was like a putrid aftertaste, and the aftertaste just got staler. Who the hell made these things anyway?

I glanced at the band again as it careened off the Hyundai next to me, and noticed that the white was exactly the same shade used as the background to the Nazi flag. The Hyundai driver did a speedy double-take and looked really pissed, but when he saw the mangled contortions my jaw was undergoing he quickly turned eyes front and made a hurried left hand turn. I think he was reaching for his cell phone.

*Final thoughts:*
This was the second most disgusting thing I have ever had in my mouth, and the first during a drunken blackout in the Philipines, and I swear to god I thought he was a woman.

Dear God.


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## RcktS4

As if that wasn't enough

*Cremosa:
Pre-Light Ruminations: *
This should really be called rim-inations, because I simply could not get the image of tossing an inmates salad out of my mind's eye from the moment I even considered sniffing the foot of this cigar. Listen, I'm just being honest.

*Initial thoughts: *
Who the hell can think when you've just swallowed a smoking bag of stench? It tastes like someone drank grape juice, vomited it back up, left it in the sun for a month and then set it on fire in my mouth. And I haven't even lit the little bastard yet.

But I said I'd try it... and I'm a complete freakin idiot.

*Smoking experience:*
What can I say - my freaking COLON slammed shut. This is not a joke, and it is not a figure of speech - I can't explain it - I can only guess that my poor butthole was so terrified of at the possibility of this smoke making its way through the digestive tract that it simply sealed off all the exits.

*Final thoughts:*
In all seriousness, I cannot believe I tried this. The entire thing lasted about five minutes, soup to nuts. How the hell Jim managed to keep this thing around as long as he did in those photos is beyond me.

*Conclusion:*
HANDS DOWN CREMOSA! no contest IMO

The Tamboril belongs in the toilet. Don't light it if you get one. you have been warned.

The Cremosa, however, has no business going in the toilet - for chrissake, my scrotum hangs in that thing when I sit down. My advice to those of you who haven't tried it yet, is throw this thing in SOMEONE ELSE's toilet, and never ever use that toilet again.


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## icehog3

NCRadioMan said:


> And Icehog, please send Artis my way, this is bad!
> 
> :ms NCRM


Artis is booked on the next flight to NC on "Tamboril Airlines".....

I just found out that the mailman in my neighborhood had run out of space in his mailbag, and he carried the cigars to my house in his sweaty a$$ crack....that could have only _improved_ the taste, trust me!


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## radar

Tight race!


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## radar

RcktS4 said:


> As if that wasn't enough
> 
> *Cremosa:
> Pre-Light Ruminations: *
> This should really be called rim-inations, because I simply could not get the image of tossing an inmates salad out of my mind's eye from the moment I even considered sniffing the foot of this cigar. Listen, I'm just being honest.
> 
> *Initial thoughts: *
> Who the hell can think when you've just swallowed a smoking bag of stench? It tastes like someone drank grape juice, vomited it back up, left it in the sun for a month and then set it on fire in my mouth. And I haven't even lit the little bastard yet.
> 
> But I said I'd try it... and I'm a complete freakin idiot.
> 
> *Smoking experience:*
> What can I say - my freaking COLON slammed shut. This is not a joke, and it is not a figure of speech - I can't explain it - I can only guess that my poor butthole was so terrified of at the possibility of this smoke making its way through the digestive tract that it simply sealed off all the exits.
> 
> *Final thoughts:*
> In all seriousness, I cannot believe I tried this. The entire thing lasted about five minutes, soup to nuts. How the hell Jim managed to keep this thing around as long as he did in those photos is beyond me.
> 
> *Conclusion:*
> HANDS DOWN CREMOSA! no contest IMO
> 
> The Tamboril belongs in the toilet. Don't light it if you get one. you have been warned.
> 
> The Cremosa, however, has no business going in the toilet - for chrissake, my scrotum hangs in that thing when I sit down. My advice to those of you who haven't tried it yet, is throw this thing in SOMEONE ELSE's toilet, and never ever use that toilet again.


You should copy and post this to the NC Reviews Forum. Funny as Hell!


----------



## floydp

YUCK... I'm going to do this saturday Dave you evil bastage. After reading these u reviews I'm already getting nauseated... Had some kind of stomach virus all week and now I'll have to do this... :r


----------



## DonJefe

Please don't let this end up in a tie, I couldn't imagine what the tie-breaker would be!!!


----------



## TShailer

DonJefe said:


> Just go ahead and get it over with! Don't delay it only makes it worse!!


I'll vouch for this. Still haven't smoked mine, but now I feel like a little boy on the high dive when everyone is watching you. Sphincter spasms and nuts up in the throat. Feel like I need to piss and I just went. Should've smoked them last night before everyone else wrote a review.


----------



## mr.c

....24 hours after smoking, I seem to have developed a rash from handling these cigars .


----------



## MiamiE

They're BAD guys. you have been WARNED! i did the bad thing of smoking them back to back!


----------



## GOAT LOCKER

I don't remember signing up for this. I thought selective service registration was for the armed forces, but no, I end up DRAFTED by DaKlugs!

You guys are killing me with your reviews here! I've sprayed coffee over my keyboard and monitor several times this morning! There's no way I'm matching some of the reviews above, but I'll tough it out and post my thoughts.

So, after reading through the initial damage reports here, I set off to my bar to select an appropriate beverage to accompany these two "cigars". Sifting through my selection, I find a special bottle left behind by a "friend" at my last party. An elegant white label with bold black text identifies this plastic bottle as *TEQUILLA*, the perfect match!

First I grab the Tamboril. The natural wrapper is smooth with minimal veins and a nicely applied cap. Construction is good, but there are a few soft spots and I can feel a few stems. I snipped the cap with my cheapest cutter, checked the draw, and quickly started spitting to try to get rid of the musty, nasty, dirt flavor out of my mouth, to no avail, finally resorting to a shot of tequilla, ahhhh. Better.

I toasted the foot and took my first draw. Not much flavor to speak of, a little wood, a slight citrus twang and a bitter finish. At least it was better lit than the pre-light draw! After a half inch, it developed a metalic taste, sort of like the taste you get when you touch aluminum foil to a filling. After a couple inches, it became earthy. Not in a good way, but a musty, dirty taste, like the dirt you get worms in when you buy them at the bait shop.

Overall, this was a crappy cigar, but not the worst I've had. That would have to be a thompsons, which had many of the same flavors, but stronger.

OK, next up: Cubano Cremosa!

What the hell is that smell? The somewhat dark wrapper is covered with thick veins, wrinkles, stretch marks and blotches. Cap is sloppily applied. The stick is slightly tapered from foot to head and the entire top half of the cigar is soft. The foot has visible mold, and all visible tobacco is white. If I sucumb to respiatory infection, please contact my lawyer and introduce him to DaKlugs!

I clipped the head and tested the draw and, oh my god! Mildew, dirt, rodent droppings, cat piss, u . OK, two shots of tequilla got rid of some of the taste. WTF??? Who the hell buys these things???

OK, I'm pressing on, but you will pay for this Dave! I toasted and lit the foot, and steeled myself for the first draw. Yech, ammonia, ash and dirt. I need another shot. The next half inch tasted of cardboard, dirt, mold, ammonia and burning hair! OMG, this is horrible! Over the fence goes the Cremosa and down my gullet goes two more shots of tequilla. u u Did I mention I'm allergic to tequilla?

The Cremosa Cubano wins this contest hands down. I can't believe I smoked almost an inch of that thing! I will suggest Generic Tequilla as an accompanying beverage though. It does a fine job of numbing the tastebuds. Thanks Dave :fu


----------



## radar

GOAT LOCKER said:


> I will suggest Generic Tequilla as an accompanying beverage though. It does a fine job of numbing the tastebuds. Thanks Dave :fu


You should try them after an appropriate meal. May I suggest some of that immitation crab meat smothered in catsup, with tater tots and generic macaroni and cheese as side dishes? Mmmmmmmmmmm !!!!! u :al


----------



## SeanGAR

*Prelude to a smoke*

I had a big meal, steak, baked potato, some small amounts of green crap to keep the pyramid happy, and a couple of glasses of nice Virginian cabernet franc. It was time I began thinking of smoking these cigars.

I looked my choices over. Did I really want the Cremosa and Tamboril or did I really want the Opus X?

My wife told me I had to be fair, so I decided to challenge the CT team to rock paper sissors sudden death and decide which one I'd smoke. I win, Opus X, they win, I'll burn them both.

One.....two....

*THREE  *

WHAT! The %$#@@ cigars beat me?

Hmmm .... I started thinking about loopholes.....


----------



## SeanGAR

*Prelude to a smoke - 2*

Oh, now I told Dave I'd BURN these cigars ..... wouldn't this count?

But before I could put them on I heard a pounding on the front door. When I investigated I found EPA stormtroopers in biohazard suits. Apparently burning these on the grill is a class 2 felony .. something about hazardous waste. I assured them I wouldn't grill them and sent them off with some cookies.

I resigned myself to smoke the disgusting duo but figured grating off a bit of my tongue first would help.

Wish me luck ... I'm going in....


----------



## MiamiE

*Re: Prelude to a smoke - 2*

:r your to much man!


----------



## DonJefe

Good work Sean! Wish I had thought of the tongue grating trick, could've saved me some pain!!


----------



## MiamiE

ummmm, whats 'tongue grating'?


----------



## radar

Sandpaper works well, #6 grit.


----------



## Da Klugs

:r There are soo few things that we all agree upon here. Unanimity is seldom seen. Unfortunately that is probably going to be everyone sending me their therapy bills. 

Truly some of the funniest stuff in a long time. Thanks for being good sports (as he checks the front porch for large men and the street for unmarked vans) and giving these a try.


----------



## SeanGAR

*Cremosa*: 
Appearance
Think what would happen if you have tobacco leaves and rolling instructions in Polish to an average grade three class in Albany GA. VERY poorly rolled, but the good news is that the big ugly band hides much of the horror. Lumpy, reminescent of a Labarador's job after eating Alpo and corn.

Pre light
Slightly tight draw, tastes of moldy cardboard and the unidentified stuff you found at the cabin cabinet after opening it up in the spring that you have no way of identifying.

Entrance: First half inch
The rich creamy smoke sooths my bleeding tongue like a salve blessed by the Holy Father.

First half
What the hell is that stench? I KNOW there is something rolled up in here but my money says it ain't all tobacco. Do composted lawn clippings count as "long filler"?

Second half
There is something funky in this ... I'm inclined to wonder what lawn clippings and earthworms would smoke like. I got a wiff of cedar ... honestly ... just before the lemon pledge.

Final thoughts
YUK. I have a headache. I don't think I've had worse.

*Tamboril*
Appearance
Actually looks like a decent cigar, although one lump on the side looked like it was infected and gangrenous. Prelight draw was reminescent of tropical fish feed, dirty dish rags, and snot.

Entrance: First Half inch
What is that smell?

First half
Kinda mild, like an average Dominican. Not much going on but not offending me either.

Second half
Zzzzz ... boring but not horrible, slight ashtray aroma but my tongue doesn't feel any pain.

Final thoughts
I've had worse.

*WORST CIGAR*

Cremosa ... not even close.


----------



## RcktS4

In all seriousness - those Cremosas are unbelievably bad. They are so bad that It's been over five hours, two tooth brushings, a Big Mac, fires, vanilla shake, two cups of extremely stong coffee, and several failed attempts to kiss my wife, my dog, and a homeless man who wanted $2 for a bus back to trenton, and I STILL TASTE THAT FREAKIN CREMOSA.

It was so bad that I was alone in my car laughing hysterically - you know how once in a while you'll pass gas that is so unbelievably offensive that for some reason it's absolutely hysterical? That's what it was like. I was nauseous,but couldn't stop laughing. And that was two and a half hours after I smoked about a half-inch of it.

I smoked a Famoso and couldn't get past halfway because I kept tasting that damn cremosa.

I chewed a lemon - no avail.

This is :bs - I'm going to Home depot for sandpaper and drano.

If you haven't smoked them yet, I would seriously advise against it.


----------



## SeanGAR

MiamiE said:


> ummmm, whats 'tongue grating'?


Grate off a quarter inch of your tongue in hope that no taste buds remain to witness the horror.


----------



## dadof3illinois

Well, Dave....I guess I should say thanks for including me in this but I don't think that's what I really wanna say...

I"ve already had the cremosa's....remember I sent you a few for this taste test!!!!! 

I'll be a good sport about this....even though I asked to not be included, I'll smoke these sometime over the weekend and let ya know the results.

I may have to dig around for a few more, I may be able to get my hands on a few more cremosa if anyone's interested.... :tg


----------



## RcktS4

Um - Sean...

Am I to understand that you smoked the whole cigars? 

Seriously - did you smoke over an inch on the Cremosa? 'Cause if so, I have a new hero...


----------



## goose925

I feel violated!!

I too smoked both of DaKlugs dog turds.Reading everyone's reviews sums up my feelings on those 2 rockets.I mean when you remove a cigars wrapper and you are reminded of dog piss,you are pretty sure what you are in store for.Both smokes were terrible.I had thought maybe the tobacco leaves in my smokes came from the plants near where the stray cats and dogs hang out.

You know when you let your dog outside and he runs over to your flower bed and takes a leak on your nice flowers?I thought maybe thats what happened to the tobacco in my smokes but seems from the reviews that dog peed on a lot of plants.Judging by the hints of dog poo mixed through out both sticks,that dog did more than take a squirt.

I could not smoke more than a third of either before I launched those suckers out my truck window.The burn on both were good and draw was decent too.I wanted to like them, I did.I even closed my eyes and pictured a Manacudo in my hand but no matter how hard I tried to will better taste, It wasn't meant to be.

I smoke mostly cheap cigars so I run across some turds now and again(like Oro Cubana's= nasty turd)but man these were bad.

It was tough deciding between the two dog turds which I liked better.Really it was a tie but I will have to go with the Tamboril over the Cremosa for no other reason than I had less corn in my teeth with the Tamboril!! :tg 

Thanks though Klugs for the palette cleansing smokes you sent along.

NOTE TO SELF:In my search for great tasting cheap cigars,scratch 2 more off the list.


----------



## mr.c

The cremosa is actually a dutch master that someone put in a cats litter box that is stored in a dark, dank limestone basement, and left there for a year. ohh and about 20 cats are locked in the basement and use the litter box.




that cigar is the worse I have ever had. it should be banned. God save us if terrorist's get ahold of one.


----------



## SeanGAR

RcktS4 said:


> Um - Sean...
> 
> Am I to understand that you smoked the whole cigars?
> 
> Seriously - did you smoke over an inch on the Cremosa? 'Cause if so, I have a new hero...


I smoked 2/3 of them both ...

I smoked them side by side. I puff on one ... contemplate the horror .. then puff on the other and realize things could be worse. 20 minutes after I finished them and I still have a headache though .... wierd.


----------



## goose925

MR.C,Funny you say that.When I lit up the Cremosa,It reminded me of when I was a teenager and my buddies grandpa had a box of Dutch Masters on a shelf in the living room.These smokes were there for a couple years just in the cardboard box.They were so dry they crumbled when touched.I use to sneak them and smoke them.That taste still lingers with me.The Cremosa tasted just like those.Honestly,just like them.NASTY STUFF


----------



## refill

You guys are sick and twisted, I think some of you are secretly enjoying smoking those. :bx


----------



## Lumpold

SeanGAR said:


> Lumpy, reminescent of a Labarador's job after eating Alpo and corn.


Man, I know that photo of me in my gallery probably isn't the most flattering, but I really didn't think it was that bad!
:tg :w


----------



## icehog3

SeanGAR said:


> Grate off a quarter inch of your tongue in hope that no taste buds remain to witness the horror.


I thought of this too, but the cheese grater was going through the dishwasher cycle....luckily, I just then spotted a live porcupine walking across my backyard.....


----------



## GOAT LOCKER

mr.c said:


> The cremosa is actually a dutch master that someone put in a cats litter box that is stored in a dark, dank limestone basement, and left there for a year.


As soon as I smelled that Cremosa, I had a horrible thought that this was all a diabolical plot to get all of us to smoke dog rockets, soaked in fermented cat piss! Come clean Dave, what the hell did I just smoke?!?


----------



## MM2(SW)S

Well I been reading every ones reviews LMAO. You guys are to funny. I was thinking to my self I am so glad I wasnt drafted and I was smart enough not to volunteer myself again............

Well I was wrong as I gotten home today the mail man was throwing a box onto my front steps, then he ran. Wondering what the hell gotten into him I walked up my drive way and smelled something stranged like all the neighborhood cats all pissed on my front lawn at once. Then I pick up this box, and relize the rancid stench was comming from with in. I thought to myself when did I piss off Dave. Thankfully the contents were vacuume sealed inside I would have hatten to have come home to the full stentch at once. So Dave what did I ever do to you. I am feeling like a little girl on prom nite, I want to smoke it but I know it is going to hurt me  

Well I plan on smoking these to bio hazard rejects this weekend. I put them in disposible tupordor until their or my demise. Well atlest I have them seperated from the reast of my stash of smokes in hopes they wont contaminate anything else. 

Again thanks for thinking of me Dave in you little sick game. I am looking forward to getting this overwith and getting my DD214 I hope I wont be drafted again LOL


----------



## Da Klugs

GOAT LOCKER said:


> As soon as I smelled that Cremosa, I had a horrible thought that this was all a diabolical plot to get all of us to smoke dog rockets, soaked in fermented cat piss! Come clean Dave, what the hell did I just smoke?!?


Nope. Fresh from the shrink wrapped bundle. Don't know anything about their manufacturing method. You can speculate though. Hey I still have an unopened bundle of Cremosas. Anyone else wanna try em?


----------



## Lumpold

Dunno if you got the PM i sent a while ago, but hell, I'll have one of these... at least anything else should taste alright by comparison... ifdatscoolwidchew?


----------



## MiamiE

everyone is hating the Cremosa's but i actually enjoyed them more than the Tamboril's


----------



## SeanGAR

Cremosas are FUNK-Y


----------



## SeanGAR

Shee-at ... smoked the cremosa brother .... I don't feel good....


----------



## SeanGAR

George Clinton said:


> Shee-at ... smoked the cremosa brother .... I don't feel good....


Unsurprising George, here are the 4 stages of Cremosa.


----------



## Thurm15

MiamiE said:


> everyone is hating the Cremosa's but i actually enjoyed them more than the Tamboril's


Yeah Miami, me too.........


----------



## Thurm15

I'm embarresed to admit this but, I have yet to try either of the above mentioned Cigars. I know it's sad but, I do have damn near a box of Don Baretto Torpedo's which I would be willing to trade for some of them Tambroils or the Cremosa's. Any takers?


----------



## RcktS4

MiamiE said:


> everyone is hating the Cremosa's but i actually enjoyed them more than the Tamboril's


I fear for you.

Personally, I would smoke three tamborils, a litter-aged dutch masters, and a torpedo from the bottom of my compost pile before another of those cremosas comes out of its wrapper in the same county as me. All kidding aside, those things are unbelievably bad.


----------



## Da Klugs

Looks like we're about 13 reviews short. Hmmm. In checking the list maybe some folks didn't get their packages. Resend?


----------



## RcktS4

Dave,

That photo's totally disgusting. I'd sooner have Rosie O'Donnell in my mouth than another one of those.


----------



## LiteHedded

hey I'll take a crack at those rockets if you need one more victi.....er...opinion


----------



## DonJefe

LiteHedded said:


> hey I'll take a crack at those rockets if you need one more victi.....er...opinion


Did you not read this thread?! If you did, are you crazy!!!!  :r


----------



## RcktS4

DonJefe said:


> Did you not read this thread?! If you did, are you crazy!!!!  :r


STRONG second. Those things are NOTS ta be Funked wit.


----------



## galaga

Da Klugs said:


> Looks like we're about 13 reviews short. Hmmm. In checking the list maybe some folks didn't get their packages. Resend?


What a Santa Claus
NO, don't threaten me with a picture like that, I just got them yesterday afternoon. They're resting peacefully in a baggie with some cedar strips, as if that will help. THX for shrink wrapping them. I'll get a roundtoit and let you know, (I don't remember signing up for this!). 
Hey, do you have LeafHog or KShat's addy, they might want to get in on this, LMK.


----------



## Roger Miller"

LiteHedded said:


> hey I'll take a crack at those rockets if you need one more victi.....er...opinion


You Sir, require treatment.

_____
rm


----------



## hungsolo

Da Klugs said:


> Looks like we're about 13 reviews short. Hmmm. In checking the list maybe some folks didn't get their packages. Resend?


You, sir, are a bad, bad man. Don't you dare do that!

I'm saving them for Saturday. I'm gonna need plenty of recovery time after these, I think.

You'll get yer review. Saturday afternoon...


----------



## NCRadioMan

Roger Miller" said:


> You Sir, require treatment.
> 
> _____
> rm


Just by asking, I believe he is already in treatment and hasn't taken his meds today!

TAKE THOSE MEDS LH! :r

:ms NCRM


----------



## LiteHedded

ok 
what was I thinking?
you guys have talked some sense into me
keep your rockets!!!


----------



## gabebdog1

ok guys I smoked them both on thursday, started with the tamboril it looked all nice and prety with its white band, then I lit it up it tasted like if I burnt a no# 2 pencil and sucked in the smoke, got about an inch into it hoping it might get better but no change, i thought nothing colud be this bad and tossed it.
Ok now the cremosa I took a pre light wif and said yup smells just like everyone said cat piss, or like wet grass that had been sitting in a trash can for a month. So I lit this thing up thinking nothing could be as bad as the tamborila oh sh1t was I wrong u this thing tasted like the roller individualy wiped his azz with each leaf before he rolled it into the cigar,I smoked this thing cuz Im a man of my word but I gaged with each puff. I never ever want to see this cigar again,man if I new this thing was sooo fucting bad you could have offerd a box of trinis and I would have said no... cremosa wins by far the worst cigar ever and klugs thanks for the dip, I have never smoked one and in a week when my new tounge comes from cigarbid I will try it for sure!


----------



## floydp

Anita gets home at about 7 pm, so I plan to do this thing soon after she arrives. Just so you know if I u we're gonna post the festivities.

What do you think? Beer or Bourbon to go with these rockets?


----------



## DAFU

No need to re-send Dave!!! :ms

Cubana Cremosa

Smelled like dead grass, smoked the same.Almost got thru the grassiness, but the aroma of dirty socks and sweaty armpit finish did me in!
Summary: Dog-Rocket&#8230;&#8230;.not fit for a yard gar!!!

Tamboril

This one brought back fond memories of fresh-cut alfalfa and the eternal search for the elusive"diamond in the rough", everyone knows is buried deep in the archives of the Thompsons Cigar Co. catalogs.
All the redeeming character of this cigar however, seems to lie in its silky, chestnut wrapper which lends itself to a somewhat sweet and floral bouquet. 
The aroma and abeit; grassy flavor are altogether non-offensive, if not not quite up to par with your more "brand name" violas.
The lingering finish of fresh-cut alfalfa is easily washed down with your beverage of choice. And as I stated that if not the most sophisticated of smoking experiencs, this one indeed conjured up some fond reflections of my youthfull follies!
Summary: You could do worse&#8230;&#8230;.this one is at least smokeable!


----------



## Uniputt

I must admit....my curiosity is piqued!! How bad can a cigar really get?

I would love to get in on this! I could even use a Cremosa to payoff a running "golf pot" me and a few friends of mine have.....(we each put a cigar in a baggie before the round, and longest putt made that day gets the dreaded bag.....sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad......) This could get real funny...real quick....take the band off......tell him it's an aged Cuban about to go into it's sick period-smoke it quick. 

Which brings up another point of contention. Doe the Cremosa define "sick period", in a whole new way? (the Smoker's sick period?) :r 


Seriously, though, I'd be game for this. I'll give you another unbiased, somewhat comical review, if you like. 

If nothing else, I'll take pictures of me in the emergency room getting my tastebuds reinstalled.


----------



## hungsolo

After reading the previous comments, I just couldn't believe that any of them were on the mark. I mean, I know everyone here likes to embellish a bit. But I have seen the light. Or rather, I was bludgeoned over the head with a stick and saw stars or something...

*The Cremosa*

Smelled like mold. And dead trees. And dried up grass that's been composting for 2 years. My wife made the following comments: "Smells like ass." "You know that smell in a forest after a rain with the floor covered in pine needles and the fresh smell of wet leaves and a hint of ozone? Well, this is the exact opposite of that."

As I walked out the door to light it up, she mad another comment about it coming from the crotch of Satan, but maybe I didn't hear that right - I had begun ahllucinating after all.

The build quality was excepionally bad. It looked like someone had attempted to perform a facelift (cigarlift?) and failed miserably.

Prelight draw made me miserable. There was actually dust getting in my mouth that I had to constantly spit out. It tasted like an old attic.

I lit the thing and was immediately pelted by...nothing. There was NO FLAVOR coming out of this thing! Other than the overwhelming taste of mold and attic from the pre-light draw, this is about the closest I'll ever come to actually smoking air. I kept at it, thinking the rollers forgot to add real tobacco or even wood shavings to the "cigar" to give it a bit of flavor. No dice. It actually got worse.

After a third of the cigar, it started to taste like I was smoking an old attic, there was so much dusty taste to it. There was even a hint of iron filings in there. I took a couple of more puffs and threw it on the ground in disgust. This was as bad as it gets.

Until I lit the Tamboril...

*The Tamboril*

This really did, truthfully, smell like urine soaked cardboard. How do they roll these? It has to be done in a never-cleaned toilet in the middle of the poorest part of the poorest town in the world. What had me fooled was the fact that it was contruct very well (compared to the Cremosa).

It was an airball. I felt like I was breathing in normally instead of through a cigar except for that tast of piss. I could tell this wasn't going to go well.

The first light had a hot, dirt taste to it. Not good, but not really that bad. There was absolutely no tobacco flavor. Maybe somebody walked by with a tobacco leaf as the roller was doing his thing, waved it around and said, "OK. That's good enough." It actually smells and tastes like burning urine-soaked cardboard.

After half an inch, it starts coming into its own. Now it starts to taste like the ass-end of a horse smells. The stench of urine really is starting to become overpowering. If it wasn't for the fact that I'd been drinking pretty heavily before to prepare myself, I would have been done for.

Once I'm into the second third, it seems somebody slipped a week-old pair of gym socks into my mouth. I didn't even see them do it. And still that same taste of piss. Look, if I wanted that, I'd have lighted a urinal cake and used it as a citronella candle.

This is truly a battle of epic proportions. They are both so bad I'll likely have nightmares for a week. It was a closely fought pugilistic experience, but I have to say the Tamboril is really the worst of the two. I can't get over the fact that somebody takes a whiz on a bunch of rolled up cardboard and calls it a cigar. It really is that bad.

I'd try to take ring guage away from you Klugs, but I don't have the energy anymore... I'm so tired from throwing up.

u u u u


----------



## icehog3

floydp said:


> Anita gets home at about 7 pm, so I plan to do this thing soon after she arrives. Just so you know if I u we're gonna post the festivities.
> 
> What do you think? Beer or Bourbon to go with these rockets?


Frank, I suggest "Liquid Plumber"....


----------



## floydp

icehog3 said:


> Frank, I suggest "Liquid Plumber"....


Damn it I was just at Wallymart too and didn't get any, maybe Anita can pick me some up on her way home.. Gee thanks Tom, your a life saver... :r


----------



## icehog3

floydp said:


> Damn it I was just at Wallymart too and didn't get any, maybe Anita can pick me some up on her way home.. Gee thanks Tom, your a life saver... :r


Frank...you don't know the half of it!! u

I will be praying for you, my friend...


----------



## GOAT LOCKER

For all you guys who have not smoked these yet. You know they sell these things. I mean, really, folks PAY good money for these things! They can't be that bad, right??? So don't worry! Bwahahahahahah!!!! :BS


----------



## radar

Got my two yesterday. Gonna sit on em' for a few days. Gives me a chance to say goodbye to my loved ones and make sure my papers are all in order. It's been good knowing all of you.


----------



## dadof3illinois

Well, I"ve already smoked the cremosa's. I gave Dave several of the nice aged ones he gave out...... :r . 
So I stepped out on the deck and lit up this nice looking Tamborli. Right from the start I knew this thing was bad!!! It had a pretty hard draw but sorry to say had tons of smoke....LOL. I really couldn't put my finger on the flavor but what ever it was it wasn't very good. At the half way point it turned hot, more than likley because I was puffing away trying to get this over as fast as possible. The last third, well just dry, not much flavor at all.

At least I could get through the Tamborli, unlike the cremosa which I tried to smoke several of these and could never finish one.

So my winner of the worst dog rocket goes to the ............Cremosa's.

The Tamborli did leave such a bad taste though that I can't smoke anything else because I"m afraid I'll just waist a good smoke.

Neither of these should ever be produced or sold again!!!!


----------



## icehog3

I was thinking how hard we have been on the Cremosas that Dave sent out, so I have decided on a new course of action.

I am going to buy a bundle of the Cremosas....I am going to put them in my humidor for some long term aging...and then in 3 years, I am going to throw away my humidor and take up the pipe.


----------



## MM2(SW)S

This is a true story. The following occurred this weekend within a time span of two days. It is an account of the events that took place and forever changed my life.

Wow! Now that was a bad stick . . . 

Doesn’t describe the awful thing that is classified as a cigar. I never have had anything that gut wrenching before. I had smoked some bad sticks in my time yet they seem nothing short of fantastic when compared with these sticks. I will start off with my review of the Tamboril, then finishing with my depiction of the Creamosa.

A Tamboril is a light-colored stick in appearance with a decent construction and comparable cap. I broke out a brand-new top of the line 39 cent plastic guillotine cutter out. With a quick snip I unleashed the awesome aroma of wet cardboard. Pre-lite taste revealed a typical dirty Dominican taste. 

So I took a scuffed Bic lighter that I found in my truck. I thought to myself for second contemplating toasting the foot and said screw it and lit the bad boy right up. 

The first few puffs revealed much more of a typical Dominican smoke. A slight dirty taste with hints of cardboard.

As the stick burned the taste shifted to a dirty damp moldy piece of cardboard sitting in the hot sun. 

At this point I decide to put down the tampon “cigar” and try the Creamosa, which turned out to be a grave mistake. 

The Creamosa to start the appearance was appalling from get go. A poorly rolled cigar. With all the bumps and ridges it gave the illusion of a cat turd. Well not judging a book by its cover I took my trusty cheepo and with one quick snip I released the musty old lady smell. Not wanting to ruin my night I skipped smelling anymore of the stick and went to lighting it up. I took that Bic lighter out and went to lite up. Before I could get the whole foot lite the damn thing ran out of fuel (could have been an omen). So I pulled out my zippo with my torch insert. So I finished lighting up. So with the first puff, damn the gag reflex. The taste of potpourri soaked in cat piss fermenting in the sun. So I let my stomach settle down and I took another puff. More of the old lady musty floral cat piss taste was all I could handle. I put the crapmosa down. 

After I gaged a few moments, I went back to the tamborill. I lite it back up in hopes to get this taste off my pallet with little success. Though the tamborill seemed to improve or was better than creamosa (had to be the only good thing about this smoke). 

So this isn’t the end there is more to my life changing experience. So I went in side washed my mouth out and still I had the taste of creamosa on my pallet. No big deal, right.............Wrong so I eat dinner and smoke a Dip 2 in hopes to the taste will ease my pallet into the right direction in healing. No it was still there, old musty cat lady taste was still there. I cant shake it. Being pissed off I go to bed. Hopping sleep and a few hours will help the taste fade.

Well I was wrong yet again. It is now Saturday. So I brush my teeth eat breakfast, go for my Saturday bike ride. Come home kiss the wife. She says I still smell like a moldy litter box. From the two puffs of the creamosa have left the aroma buried in my old and trusty flavor savor. My mustache that I been sporting for the last 12 years. So in the hopes to get past this all I get out my good ol’ Gillet Mach 3. I lathered up a tear came to my eye, and I shaved off my stach. As each hair was washed down the sink drain memories flashed before my eyes. And this is how a piece of me died this weekend. 

To sum things up the Creamosa by far is the worst smoke I have ever had. It has forever changed my life. With a tear drop rolling down I sit here with a razor burn lip wonder what the hell I did to have Dave send this to me. For what ever I did I am sorry Dave I hope we can be friends again


----------



## floydp

I used to enjoy getting cigars in the mail, that my friends has changed, :r 

I sit down, remove the band from the Tamboril, then sniff the foot a bit to see what I've gotten myself into, faint smell of cardboard and maybe dirt. So I snip the cap with the Xikar and toast the foot(so far so good) then take the first draw, nothing at all, I look to see if its lit,its burning, so I draw again and then this time a very mild taste of card board and dirt. I smoke about 1/4 of the cigar and barely any taste at all. So in my in my infinate wisdom I decide to fire up the Cremosa.


As seen in the pic the Tamboril doesn't look to scary..


----------



## floydp

So I pull the cello off the Cremosa and find one of the roughest rolled cigars I've ever seen. Just plain spongy at the foot, sniff the foot of this baby and it smelled worse than bad feet. Perhaps bad feet a cat pissed on then ran a marathon in a pair a socks found in NFL training camp. I snip the cap and toast the foot, and plumes of the ugliest smoke goes everywhere, and the aroma, well lets just say if there had been maggots present, they'd be a gaggin. I literally had sediment sitting in the back of my mouth like a handful of dirt, but of course dirt tastes a hell of alot better. Cat piss alawetgrass comes to mind and I didn't make it past the first 1/4 of this POS. Simply the worst tasting shit I'd ever experienced. I have a shit eatin dog and he wouldn't have anything to do with a Cremosa. Threw it in the yard and damn dog flipped me off. One thing did happen though, something strange with my hand.


----------



## floydp

Oh yeah and my complexion changed a bit. 


My conclusion, the Cuban Cremosa was horrible and the Tamboril was a bland piece of cardboard.

Cremosa was the wiener IMHO..

I'll be tasting that thing for days, nothing seems to wash the sediment out..

I think I'd just as soon lick a skid mark as smoke another..


----------



## floydp

I burried the Cremosa at sea...


----------



## RcktS4

MM2(SW)S said:


> So this isn't the end there is more to my life changing experience. So I went in side washed my mouth out and still I had the taste of creamosa on my pallet. No big deal, right.............Wrong so I eat dinner and smoke a Dip 2 in hopes to the taste will ease my pallet into the right direction in healing. No it was still there, old musty cat lady taste was still there. I cant shake it. Being pissed off I go to bed. Hopping sleep and a few hours will help the taste fade.
> 
> Well I was wrong yet again. It is now Saturday. So I brush my teeth eat breakfast, go for my Saturday bike ride. Come home kiss the wife. She says I still smell like a moldy litter box. From the two puffs of the creamosa have left the aroma buried in my old and trusty flavor savor. My mustache that I been sporting for the last 12 years. So in the hopes to get past this all I get out my good ol' Gillet Mach 3. I lathered up a tear came to my eye, and I shaved off my stach. As each hair was washed down the sink drain memories flashed before my eyes. And this is how a piece of me died this weekend.
> 
> To sum things up the Creamosa by far is the worst smoke I have ever had. It has forever changed my life. With a tear drop rolling down I sit here with a razor burn lip wonder what the hell I did to have Dave send this to me. For what ever I did I am sorry Dave I hope we can be friends again


EXACTLY my experience... everything I smoked, ate, drank, or BREATHED for about 30 hours tasted like Cremosa. I don't have a mustache, so I had to peel off two layers of skin and shave my head. Now I look like a bald burn victim...

but its all worth it, as at least the cremosa taste seems to have finally gone away.


----------



## txmatt

OK after reading these reviews I would just as soon leave the Cremosa in the foodvac sealed bag...however there are a couple good cigars in there that could be suffering.

I am heading back to work on Tuesday, I will try to get to a review of one of the nasties this week. I figure it will jolt me awake since getting up at 5 a.m. again after 3 weeks off will be tough..


-Matt-


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## floydp

radar said:


> Got my two yesterday. Gonna sit on em' for a few days. Gives me a chance to say goodbye to my loved ones and make sure my papers are all in order. It's been good knowing all of you.


I hear that Gary, I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth.

Tom suggested Drano, well it didn't work either, but it did taste better than the Cremosa..


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## horrorview

Well, it's been nearly a week on my end, and, while I've still yet to regrow the nose hairs that were cinged off by the acrid smoke of the Cremosa, I have regained my sense of smell and can now walk unassisted (but only short distances). 

However, something is terribly wrong with my toilet bowl, as, ever since I flushed the Tamboril, it's elicited a strange gurgling sound late at night...


----------



## floydp

horrorview said:


> Well, it's been nearly a week on my end, and, while I've still yet to regrow the nose hairs that were cinged off by the acrid smoke of the Cremosa, I have regained my sense of smell and can now walk unassisted (but only short distances).
> 
> However, something is terribly wrong with my toilet bowl, as, ever since I flushed the Tamboril, it's elicited a strange gurgling sound late at night...


My damn bowl spit it back out at me, it hasn't been the same either..


----------



## horrorview

floydp said:


> My damn bowl spit it back out at me, it hasn't been the same either..


I was gonna suggest Liquid Plumber but I drank all of mine to wash out the foul taste. u


----------



## TShailer

Finally got off my a$$ this evening and smoked those two nasty cigars. Luckily it was 50 degrees outside, raining and the wind was blowing nicely. Needless to say, I won't rate the burn. Based on both the reviews here and smelling the cigars, I smoked the Tamboril first. Unlit, it smelled like the wheat hulls in my cats' litterbox - which was better than the toxic mold smell of the Cremosa. When I was young and stupid I used to smoke Garcia y Vegas, so how bad could these be?

Bad. Based on the reviews here - no prelight draw and no foot toasting. Given another fifth of Makers Mark I probably could have finished the Tamboril. It was none too pleasant, but mostly lackluster with some heavy off flavors. I made it an inch and then threw it out in the rain. Based on the smell, a feeling of dread overcame me prior to torching up the Cremosa. And the Cremosa smell was nothing compared to the taste. Wow. Did I read somewhere up in the thread that someone made it half way through a Cremosa? Better man than I. Four half-hearted pulls and I threw it as far away from the garden as possible. Yuck.

I'm inside now eating rice with wayyyy too much Dave's Insanity Sauce poured over the top. I won't be able to taste anything for a week, but then I doubt I'll touch a cigar for at least that long. Yikes. Cremosa wins hands down. There was something seriously wrong with this cigar.

With apologies to Bill Murray: "Klugs, you are a madman!!! When you ordered those bundles, and your BOTLs smoked those dog rockets, I want to party with you cowboy! But the two of us together, forget it!!!"


----------



## BMLawler

I cant believe you guys, I liked these cigars....

I smoked the Tamboril first and found some of the greatest flavors that I have grown to love when smoking a great Havana..I smoked it while enjoying a few (half a fifth) of Jack Daniels shots. I took each wonderful puff of smoke into my mouth and exhaled each through my nose so that I would not loose any of the flavor..

Next I smoked the Cremosa, From the pre light draw to the toothpic through the cap so that I could nub it, It was wonderful. I finished my bottle of Jack with this cigar and must say, It really brought out the flavors in the cigar. :al 
I am so glad that I had the chance to try these fine cigars that I normally might have passed by. Thanks for letting me play..BML








:gn P.S. These cigars really sucked and I am really glad that they are now gone, :r ...I really think that a cat had sprayed them or something. I have never smelled a cigar that smelled that bad..Sorry to disapoint anyone who thought that these were really good..BML u


----------



## rumballs

*Tamboril*
This cigar looked just plain cheap. The wrapper was an odd light tan color and looked more like manufactured paper than a tobacco leaf. Even my wife commented that it looked cheap as she walked by.
As I lit up, I braced myself for something truly awful, since I had heard so much. The first few draws were innocuous - very mild, slightly sweet, almost even smooth! Not exactly tasty, but not awful, either. Soon I started notice the sweet flavor getting stronger. However, this was not a natural sweet tobacco flavor. Someone had mentioned they thought a different line of Tamborils had cocoa powder added - so it wouldn't surprise me if these had powdered sugar added, that's more or less what it tasted like. As I continued to smoke it, a sickly sweet disgusting after taste started to develop. After another inch the after taste became the taste of the actual smoke. It got worse and worse until I could no longer bear it and thought I would throw up if I continued.
I stopped and only then noticed that I had only burned about an inch and a half, even though it had seemed like much more.

*Cremosa Cubana*
This thing was really ugly. Huge veins ran through the coarse wrapper and looked like scars. The edges of the wrapper were obvious and did not lie flat.
One of the cigars looked like it had scoliosis - both sides of the cigar sort of curved back and forth.
Pre-light, it smelled a bit like yellow mustard (which amazingly I actually noticed - normally I would just say "bad").
I lit two at once, one with a Dickman cut (see earlier thread). Just like the Tamboril, the first few puffs were surprising tame. Surprisingly sweet, nothign was too wrong yet. Then it started to develop a bitter / nasty flavor, similar to what I associate with my old mailman. For a few puffs I thought I actually tasted the mustard I had smelled. Overall flavor wasn't awful - but would have been if the cigar were not so mild. It definitely did not make me want to vomit though.
After the first inch or so, the burn was terible. One side of the wrapper hadn't moved at all from the end. But despite the unevenness, I was still getting plenty of smoke.
The aftertaste was just awful - tried my best to wipe it out with other cigars, food, and drink.

*Summary*
The Cremosa was a crappy, unappealing cigar, but one that was barely tolerable. The Tamboril had no redeeming qualities and made me ill.

I should note that my Tamboril was a bit longer than a robusto, and that Klugs sent me the Cremosas before he bought the ones he sent everyone for the contest. I suspect he aged them for a couple of years on his "Cuban shelf", and that this made my opinion of them more satisfactory than other reviewers.


----------



## rumballs

By the way, for all you Cremosa lovers, you can get a really good deal on them at CI - 50 Robustos for $40. I'm not sure whether Klugs was able to take advantage of this or not...
http://www.cigarsinternational.com/prodDisp.asp?item=CS-CZ&stext=cremosa


----------



## galaga

Smoked my samples today before our Memorial Day cookout. Must say that they smoked well. I will post pictures as soon as I can, I'm still learning how. Found this review of the Cremosa Cubana from this site: The International Cigar Club

http://www.cigclub.com/shopping/selection.html

_The Cremosa Cubana, from the Dominican Republic, was first introduced back in 1997. It is relatively new to the cigar market, but don't let that fool you. This is one tasty treat that can still be found for a great price. This Churchill is made from a blend of Cuban seed Dominican binder and filler tobaccos, all wrapped up nicely with an Indonesian Sumatran wrapper leaf. This cigar offered an effortless draw and was rolled firm, yet as most, cigars do, it softened up a bit as we got into it. We found it to be a medium-approaching full-bodied cigar, with notes of earthiness, nuts and spice. Halfway through though, its flavor heads more towards a slight woodiness and picks up a bit of spice as well. We found the finish to be predominantly woody and very pleasant. Consider pairing it with a very light single malt scotch or your favorite Pilsner._

As you can see it pulled an 89, putting smack dab in the middle of the eight rated smokes, on the same level as the El Rey Del Mundo Rectangular.

The Tamboril robusto has gotten good reviews too

http://www.cigarwoman.com/ratings/archives/13.html

_OVERALL RATING: B+
"Mild with a hint of sweetness in the flavoring had more body toward the end. Would definitely smoke this one again. Smoked as good as it looked. No disappointment in this one. " -Francie _

And this site too

http://www.cigarnexus.com/mott/0697.html

_Editor's 2 Cents - The Tamboril Robusto is one of the seven 
sizes offered in this new cigar line. They are very well 
constructed with Dominican Cuban seed filler and an olor 
binder encased in a light golden Connecticut shade wrapper. 
According to the manufacturer white wine is used to treat 
the wrapper leaves during the fermentation stage.

These are definitely a mild bodied cigar which looking at 
Alan's "full" strength rating proves the point yet again that 
only you can judge a cigar for yourself. They have a rather 
smooth singular flavor that is pleasing except there is always 
an undernote of grass to the smoke. Personally my opinion 
falls in line with Matt and Jim's, and I consider this a 
worthwhile cigar to sample if you enjoy milder smokes or 
possibly as one to enjoy with sunrise. Not a knockout, but not 
unworthy either._

So what are you guys bitching about? It's getting late so I'll try to post my smoking notes Wednesday, as Tuesday I'm going to the Padres game.


----------



## RcktS4

galaga said:


> _The Cremosa Cubana, from the Dominican Republic, was first introduced back in 1997. It is relatively new to the cigar market, but don't let that fool you. This is one tasty treat that can still be found for a great price. This Churchill is made from a blend of Cuban seed Dominican binder and filler tobaccos, all wrapped up nicely with an Indonesian Sumatran wrapper leaf. This cigar offered an effortless draw and was rolled firm, yet as most, cigars do, it softened up a bit as we got into it. We found it to be a medium-approaching full-bodied cigar, with notes of earthiness, nuts and spice. Halfway through though, its flavor heads more towards a slight woodiness and picks up a bit of spice as well. We found the finish to be predominantly woody and very pleasant. Consider pairing it with a very light single malt scotch or your favorite Pilsner._
> 
> As you can see it pulled an 89, putting smack dab in the middle of the eight rated smokes, on the same level as the El Rey Del Mundo Rectangular.


:r that is absolutely hysterical - the Cremosa rates with the Rectangulare (one of my favorite mild-med NCs) in about the same way as I rate with Shaq as a center...

I have definitely noticed through these reviews that there is some discrepancy with the Cremosas. The people who are voting "T" seem to all have had a dramatically different Cremosa than I did. Someone here (too lazy to find it) noted that it tasted OK for the first few puffs, which really floored me.

The one I smoked tasted like the sort of karmic retribution the reincarnated Hitler could expect. From the first hint of a prelight draw to the hurried tongue-scraping sitting after the first puff when it was lit.

Aged vs. new, I guess... but still surprising.


----------



## dadof3illinois

Well, it's been almost three days from when I smoked the Tamboril and my tongue is raw!!! I've never had this happen before, I tried to smoke a partagas black yesterday and it was actually painful and I couldn't taste anything.

Thanks Dave, :r


----------



## Da Klugs

RcktS4 said:


> :r that is absolutely hysterical - the Cremosa rates with the Rectangulare (one of my favorite mild-med NCs) in about the same way as I rate with Shaq as a center...
> 
> I have definitely noticed through these reviews that there is some discrepancy with the Cremosas. The people who are voting "T" seem to all have had a dramatically different Cremosa than I did. Someone here (too lazy to find it) noted that it tasted OK for the first few puffs, which really floored me.
> 
> The one I smoked tasted like the sort of karmic retribution the reincarnated Hitler could expect. From the first hint of a prelight draw to the hurried tongue-scraping sitting after the first puff when it was lit.
> 
> Aged vs. new, I guess... but still surprising.


5-6 of the Cremosa's were "aged". I was shocked at the difference vs the fresh - almost as good as the drug store cigars... almost. Slight diferences in the manufacturing method might also explain the differences. Was the cigar you smoked made from the shop floor sweepings before or after the flood? When the ran out of tobacco was your cigar made of the old newspaper formerly holding fish or from the carboard boxes the bands came in? :r


----------



## NCRadioMan

galaga said:


> As you can see it pulled an 89, putting smack dab in the middle of the eight rated smokes, on the same level as the El Rey Del Mundo Rectangular.
> 
> WTF? What were the folks rating this _really_ smoking?
> 
> :ms NCRM


----------



## RcktS4

Da Klugs said:


> 5-6 of the Cremosa's were "aged". I was shocked at the difference vs the fresh - almost as good as the drug store cigars... almost. Slight diferences in the manufacturing method might also explain the differences. Was the cigar you smoked made from the shop floor sweepings before or after the flood? When the ran out of tobacco was your cigar made of the old newspaper formerly holding fish or from the carboard boxes the bands came in? :r


So you're suggesting some Quality Control issues?

...least of their problems IYAM.

By the way - I can finally taste coffee again - I think it may be safe to smoke a good cigar. Phew - only 5 days.


----------



## galaga

NCRadioMan said:


> galaga said:
> 
> 
> 
> As you can see it pulled an 89, putting smack dab in the middle of the eight rated smokes, on the same level as the El Rey Del Mundo Rectangular.
> 
> 
> 
> WTF? What were the folks rating this _really_ smoking?
> 
> :ms NCRM
Click to expand...

I thought you might get worried because my PIF is on its way to you. Really, they are good tasting smokes.


----------



## NCRadioMan

galaga said:


> I thought you might get worried because my PIF is on its way to you. Really, they are good tasting smokes.


Got the pif, no Craposas thank God! A scary thought though.

Good tasting? Next time I even notice one these or a Tamboril across the room, i'm calling hazmat and running!

:ms NCRM


----------



## D. Generate

Sorry I'm a little late on this. I've just been busy with a lot of things here and needed to put my masochistic streak on the back burner. I didn't volunteer for this duty and was one of the many draftees. This experience has reinforced my "never volunteer" philosophy.

*Tamboril*

*Background*
This was the first "cigar" I subjected myself to.

*Pre Light*
The band has a die-cut tobacco leaf, which is a nice touch. I later found it's pretty much the epitome of the "polishing a dog turd" kind of thing. The appearance isn't too bad actually. It has a fairly smooth wrapper, although it has the baby sh!t, grey poupon hue to it. After smoking this, I had the same hue.

*First Impressions*
The foot kind of smells like old wet newspapers with a hint of something else. Upon further reflection, I realized that the hint was urine. So it smells like old newspapers used to house break a new puppy. I put the cigar in my mouth to moisten the wrapper pre-cut, as is my custom, and was greeted by the overwhelming flavor of ammonia.

*Smoking Experience*
The first draw went way beyond the ammonia hinted at in the pre light taste test. This was full on urea flavor. I'm no urine expert, but I'm thinking a diseased cat who subsisted on a diet of asparagus might be the proper profile.

I won't break this cigar down into thirds, because I didn't smoke it all the way. But I did smoke probably three puffs, so I will describe those. It started out with the strong urine flavor, with a hint of cardboard. The next puff reminded me of being 19 and loaded at a party and accidentally smoking the wrong end of a cigarette. It had the burning cigarette/fiberglass filter flavor. The third puff was a marriage made in hell of the first two that left an oily coating in the mouth that was vaguely toxic. We'll call it Exxon flavor.

*Final Thoughts*
This was quite the nasty cigar. I have never had a cigar that provoked this strong of a reaction before, so I was impressed. I could not wait to try the Cremosa.

*Cremosa*

*Background*

I felt something like Patty Hearst here. I went through hell with the Tamboril, but out of a distressed psyche I subjected myself willingly to the Cremosa.

*Pre Light*
This cigar is rustic looking. By 'rustic' I mean it looks like it was made by a blind, syphilitic, three-fingered peasant. This "cigar" has a shaggier foot than my dog. It is spongy in the way that tripe is spongy.

*First Impressions*
This cigar smells kind of like compost. That's a pretty polite term.

*Smoking Experience*
The first puff actually made me gag. I've never, ever, had that reaction before. I must be mistaken, so I take a second puff. The second puff makes me gag as well.

I'm afraid that Da Klugs sent me the Sherm Stick of cigars. I have an aftertaste, that won't go away, on my palate that makes me think of formaldehyde. I have only had two puffs on it, but I am already scratching at invisible bugs. My dog starts to whine and leaves the garage.

I attempt to walk out to the trashcan to dispose of the abominations and can feel every hair standing on end. I'm beginning to worry about permanent neurological damage. I toss the sticks into the bucket that I scoop the yard with. I then throw the bag into the garbage can because tomorrow is trash day. These two "cigars" completely overpower the actual dog rockets from my back yard. I think I will have to leave an apology for the trash man.

These are truly awful smokes. The first that I would classify as that, because I'm not overly discriminating. However these are most likely going to end up on an FDA ban list shortly, so I would strongly advise avoiding them at all costs. I'm not going to pick a winner, because that would imply that one of them has a redeeming quality. It's like deciding between voting for Hitler or Pol Pot. These are truly evil cigars.


----------



## t'kay

That was the most amazingly funny review I have ever read. i think Da Klugs deserves a pat on the back for making all you fools smoke those dog rockets.. :r :r :r


----------



## MiamiE

did i mention these things sucked already? i still have the taste in my gut!


----------



## mr.c

MiamiE said:


> did i mention these things sucked already? i still have the taste in my gut!


I have nightmares now about these cigars. When I threw the cremosa on the ground my dog tried to roll in it. I'm not saying the cremosa is a bad cigar... But I would rather eat the asshole out of a skunk before smoking it.


----------



## MiamiE

mr.c said:


> I have nightmares now about these cigars. When I threw the cremosa on the ground my dog tried to roll in it. I'm not saying the cremosa is a bad cigar... But I would rather eat the asshole out of a skunk before smoking it.


thats pretty hardcore dude :hn


----------



## floydp

t'kay said:


> That was the most amazingly funny review I have ever read. i think Da Klugs deserves a pat on the back for making all you fools smoke those dog rockets.. :r :r :r


FOOLS you say? Fools! I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden.

The things we do for friends. I guess I never really thought they could be as bad as I heard. I stand corrected. I got off lucky on the Tamboril, it sucked, but obviously not as bad as the ones some of the others got. As for that Cremosa, I never have smoked, eaten or drank anything that left sediment of some revolting kind just sitting in the back of my throat for the better part of two days. I mean WTF...


----------



## galaga

*Smoking Cat Rockets*

I managed to smoke these babies over the holidays and am finally getting around to posting my smoking notes. 
I quote the official instructions from Klugsie:

"..... Instructions:
......Smokes these cigars and post in the poll...."

These are not the best looking cigars I've ever seen. The Tamboril somewhat smells like tobaco, but it has green patches of who knows what on the wrapper. It also has a plastic-like wrapper with a leaf like area torn out of it. Nice marketing from the cigar boom. The Cubana Cremosa looks as if it was doused with plant growth hormones to make it grow faster, with large bulging veins. It also has an odor that people have aptly described as cat litter clumps. Any cat litter eating dogs would love these tasty treats. Cat Rockets
There was no way I was going to smoke these cigars, I haven't been without a moustach in over 20 years, if I had to shave it off, it would scare the kids (thanks for the warning Steve). I'm also well aware of the odor retentive properties of facial hair, and there is no way in hell I'm going around smelling these rockets for weeks on end, talk about flash-backs. So I decided to "smoke" these puppies.
Now the secret to smoking is having the right amount and type of wood. Being in SoCal, I'm used to smoking with Mesquite, so the foundation for this fire was pure Mesquite charcoal. Wet Hickory chips complete the custom smoke for this job.Wood Fire 
It was important to get a cool smoke without cooking the cigars, I wouldn't want to ruin them Easy Does It 
Lots of nice cool smoke is coming up now. Make sure that you get all of the cigar in the smoke Going good now!

Hey, Dave.. I'm going to send these back to you. Tell me if you think they got any better...they don't smell half as bad as they used to!


----------



## radar

Ok, I smoked the Tamboril. As expected, it sucked. It's not the worst cigar I've ever smoked. The Double Happiness I had years ago still holds that dubious honor. The Tamboril looked like a decent cigar, but it stops there. As suggested by others, there was an underlying taste of dirt through the whole lousy thing. Burnt dirt. Nasty. It was sort of like a big cigarette, no depth, no flavor to speak of, just burned and made smoke. An expression I've used for a few women I've known might apply here, "Nice package, don't open it". On the bright side, it didn't kill me (yet). But, at about a third of the way through, I wouldn't have minded so much if it had. At the half way point, I figured that I had fulfilled my duty and tossed the thing. 
I don't know if you all have seen Daves' other thread with the Padron 26's. But I am willing to accept an offer of two for everybody that was drafted into this thing, anybody with me? We earned them. Even Uncle Sam pays his draftees. The Cremosa ought to be worth a fiver on its own merit from what I've read here. 
The dreaded Cremosa, will have to wait a day or two. I want my buds intact tonight. 
u


----------



## floydp

radar said:


> Ok, I smoked the Tamboril. As expected, it sucked. It's not the worst cigar I've ever smoked. The Double Happiness I had years ago still holds that dubious honor. The Tamboril looked like a decent cigar, but it stops there. As suggested by others, there was an underlying taste of dirt through the whole lousy thing. Burnt dirt. Nasty. It was sort of like a big cigarette, no depth, no flavor to speak of, just burned and made smoke. An expression I've used for a few women I've known might apply here, "Nice package, don't open it". On the bright side, it didn't kill me (yet). But, at about a third of the way through, I wouldn't have minded so much if it had. At the half way point, I figured that I had fulfilled my duty and tossed the thing.
> I don't know if you all have seen Daves' other thread with the Padron 26's. But I am willing to accept an offer of two for everybody that was drafted into this thing, anybody with me? We earned them. Even Uncle Sam pays his draftees. The Cremosa ought to be worth a fiver on its own merit from what I've read here.
> The dreaded Cremosa, will have to wait a day or two. I want my buds intact tonight.
> u


If you thought the Tamboril was bad Gary, your sure in for a treat with the Cremosa, the absolute worst I've ever smoked. I've tried a chit load of cheap stogies but the Cremosa was unbelieveably disgusting..


----------



## radar

floydp said:


> If you thought the Tamboril was bad Gary, your sure in for a treat with the Cremosa, the absolute worst I've ever smoked. I've tried a chit load of cheap stogies but the Cremosa was unbelieveably disgusting..


Oh boy, something to look forward to!


----------



## gabebdog1

radar said:


> Oh boy, something to look forward to!


hahahaha more like fear cuz the taste wont go away. nasty! nasty! nasty! taste. dont smoke it and just say you did. its that bad u


----------



## horrorview

Smokin a Cremosa is like kissin' a corpse!

err...so I hear...


----------



## D. Generate

Galaga, you aren't going to put food on that grill now are you?


----------



## floydp

horrorview said:


> Smokin a Cremosa is like kissin' a corpse!
> 
> err...so I hear...


I'd just as soon french kiss a corpse as to smoke another Cremosa..


----------



## galaga

D. Generate said:


> Galaga, you aren't going to put food on that grill now are you?


:r I cleaned it off with muriatic acid!


----------



## Da Klugs

galaga said:


> :r I cleaned it off with muriatic acid!


No balls. Real men step up to the challenge. Face the dark ominous night with fear but resolve. I think you should tell us how the smoked versions smoke. :r


----------



## galaga

Da Klugs said:


> No balls. My wife got those years ago Real men step up to the challenge. You think I'm [email protected] goofy! Face the dark ominous night with fear but resolve. You've almost belittled me into it! I think you should tell us how the smoked versions smoke. I'll share them, I'll cut them in half and send them to you, tops or bottoms.... :r


real men smoke smoked cigars


----------



## RcktS4

floydp said:


> I'd just as soon french kiss a corpse as to smoke another Cremosa..


Is that what happened to Anita?


----------



## floydp

RcktS4 said:


> Is that what happened to Anita?


Shhhhhhhh Raney...


----------



## Da Klugs

galaga said:


> real men smoke smoked cigars


Bottoms biatch. And pictures will be a must.


----------



## galaga

Da Klugs said:


> Bottoms biatch. And pictures will be a must.


:r 
Now I guess I've gone and let my mouth overload my @sshole, or I should say piehole...my poor tongue. Bottoms coming up "Big Boy".......and pictures will be a must.


----------



## radar

Ok, I smoked as much of the Cremosa as I could stand. Bout an inch. The thing smelled mildewish before lighting and had a greenish hue to the wrapper. As ugly a cigar as I've ever seen.If it hasn't replaced the Double Happiness as the worst smoke I've ever had then it's a tie. Thanks a lot Dave, how can I repay you?
Hmmmmmmm........


----------



## SeanGAR

More detailed review of Cremosa....

*Dimensions of cigar:* 6 inches by 54 ring gauge 
*Type of cigar:* Parejo 
*Wrapper*: Ecuadoran Sumatra 
*Binder*: Reconstituted toilet paper
*Filler*: Havana-seed Dominican and Honduran

*Smoked*: Saturday June 4th, 2005 
*Accompanying drink: * Freshly brewed Nicaraguan Wiwili coffee. 
*Setting*: A sunlit, sultry, late spring morning on the back porch.

*Texture of capa: * Finely toothed, fragile, paper-thin, silky-smooth outer leaf exhibiting a single prominent vein and emitting a semi-gloss glow in the sunlight. 
*Colour of capa:* Colorado Claro. Pale Van **** brown with light ochre highlights and a very faint Manzanilla olive cast. Gold-tinged around the principal vein. 
*Colour of capote:* A melding of full Van **** brown and umber. 
*Colour of tripa: * Cocoa brown to burnt umber.

*Construction*: No box press. Quite a firm finger feel. Well-crafted taper diminishing to a finely pointed tip. Elegant appearance.

*Draw*: Perfect.

*Combustion:* Bone grey to light charcoal ash, outwardly flaky and speckled yet solid within. It routinely held on beyond 1½ inches in the Southwesterly breeze. A ¼ inch tail developed in the wrapper but was easily corrected. No relights were necessary.

*Total smoking time:* Over 1 hour.

*Pre-light aroma: * Mild tobacco discreetly dusted with cocoa, cinnamon and nutmeg, then brushed with nut butter. 
Post-light aroma: Round, ripe, toasted tobacco lightly laced with leathery overtones.

*Palate entry:* Medium-bodied tobacco. Cedar. Demure honeyed sweetness infused with fresh rosemary and lemon zest. Balanced. 
*Main portion:* Gently emerging earthiness binding to the tobacco tones. Slightly flinty. Then sourdough bread dipped in cappuccino. The secondary flavours were delicately delineated yet readily apparent above the core tobacco taste. Refreshing. 
*Latter stages:* The various elements gradually amalgamated into a homogeneous whole.

*Summary*: An approachable, attractive morning to mid-day smoke.

.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
As you probably realize, I stole this description of another cigar from jazznut on cw.


----------



## horrorview

SeanGAR said:


> As you probably realize, I stole this description of another cigar from jazznut on cw.


Hey, that review would still be right on if you replaced every adjective with the word "baby diarrhea"


----------



## radar

Umber is my favorite color.


----------



## radar

horrorview said:


> Hey, that review would still be right on if you replaced every adjective with the word "baby diarrhea"


Except the word "umber". Some things should not be fooled with. "Umber baby diarrhea" would be acceptable.


----------



## SeanGAR

Better?

*Main portion:* Gently emerging earthiness binding to the baby diarrhea and tobacco tones. Slightly flinty. Then sourdough bread dipped in cappuccino that has been drizzled with baby diarrhea and stirred with a silver spoon using gentle counterclockwise strokes and a deft twist on spoon exit.


----------



## radar

SeanGAR said:


> Better?
> 
> *Main portion:* Gently emerging earthiness binding to the baby diarrhea and tobacco tones. Slightly flinty. Then sourdough bread dipped in cappuccino that has been drizzled with baby diarrhea and stirred with a silver spoon using gentle counterclockwise strokes and a deft twist on spoon exit.


umber?


----------



## floydp

radar said:


> Ok, I smoked as much of the Cremosa as I could stand. Bout an inch. The thing smelled mildewish before lighting and had a greenish hue to the wrapper. As ugly a cigar as I've ever seen.If it hasn't replaced the Double Happiness as the worst smoke I've ever had then it's a tie. Thanks a lot Dave, how can I repay you?
> Hmmmmmmm........


And to think its the gift that keeps on giving Gary, like Herpes or chronic back pain. I tasted it for 2 days..


----------



## radar

floydp said:


> And to think its the gift that keeps on giving Gary, like Herpes or chronic back pain. I tasted it for 2 days..


I only hung in for an inch or so. We need to get Dave for this.


----------



## floydp

radar said:


> I only hung in for an inch or so. We need to get Dave for this.


I got just a bit farther than that, I don't know why, especially since prelight draw was even bad. I would say you'd get the same flavor if you licked the carpet of a NY city cab on a saturday night.. Yeah Dave is to thank for this... :r


----------



## radar

floydp said:


> I got just a bit farther than that, I don't know why, especially since prelight draw was even bad. I would say you'd get the same flavor if you licked the carpet of a NY city cab on a saturday night.. Yeah Dave is to thank for this... :r


I was drafted into this, and all I can think of is that God used Dave to pay me back for something I did as a kid. I was in third grade and a kid kept picking at me and talking about kicking my ass. After a couple of weeks of that we met up in an alley in South St.Louis and had at it. I was able to get him down and straddle him. I hit him a few times and kept him there till he gave up. Then I didn't let him up till he ate a bug. Looking back on it, he got off easy compared to an inch of Cremosa.


----------



## floydp

radar said:


> I was drafted into this, and all I can think of is that God used Dave to pay me back for something I did as a kid. I was in third grade and a kid kept picking at me and talking about kicking my ass. After a couple of weeks of that we met up in an alley in South St.Louis and had at it. I was able to get him down and straddle him. I hit him a few times and kept him there till he gave up. Then I didn't let him up till he ate a bug. Looking back on it, he got off easy compared to an inch of Cremosa.


Oh chit thats it Gary, I had a similar incident as a 3rd grader. I walked to school every morning and at the end of one street this girl would pick at me, you know how it was when your a boy with your favorite baseball jacket, remember the ones that had a team patch on it from either the American league or National league. I was this little squirt and this dang girl was like in High School. She towered over my little arse and pulled at my jacket everyday for months knocking my scrawny little tookus down every morning and one day she pulled one patch completely off. And her goofy girl pals laughed at me, then that very day I slipped into a nearby Telephone booth and turned into SUPER GIRL PUNCHER and socked her in the stomach. She got this look of complete shock in her eyes and grasped her stomach and ran off crying. I went back to the telephone booth and went back to being super scrawny mild mannered dork and ran home crying like a little girl as well. I ran past Mom and Dad upset and before they even knew what was going on with me big girls dad came lookin fer the boy which wacked his daughter. But as fate would have it my dad hadn't left for work yet. . Her dad got one look at my scrawny little arse and assured my dad that his kid wouldn't be messin with that little dynamo again. That last part was a bit of an embellishment, more to the effect as to how that little turd could have hurt her without a brick or some other weapon.

Incidently this was in Wilmington Deleware..


----------



## RcktS4

Much as I hate to admit it - I once hit a girl in second grade too... Oh god, is it really possible that this whole thing was some big cosmic Karma balancing exercise? I hate to think that I'd been so horrible as to rate 2-4 days of cremosa taste.

If this is thae case, I take solace in the fact that I am now SURELY clean (karmically) and should therefore reach enlightenment any day now.

1st noble truth: Life is suffering. And plus, there are Cremosas.


Anyone up for an 'unsavory delicacy' bombing run on Klugsie?


----------



## Da Klugs

1st noble truth: Life is suffering. And plus, there are Cremosas.

Anyone up for an 'unsavory delicacy' bombing run on Klugsiie?[/QUOTE]

Hey now!!! This was purely scientific research. A group project. One where there were no targets of hostility except for the cigars and our palettes. Sent some cleansers as well so no harm (well permanent at least) no foul.


----------



## RcktS4

Dave,

You are correct - the cleansers you sent were indeed gracious and really quite enjoyable once the skunk taste left my mouth. Don't get me wrong, they were most definitely appreciated. 

your reasoning, however, reminds me of the woman who gave me syphillis and a delicious bundt cake all in one day when i was in my twenties. Just because the cake was tasty didn't necessarily mitigate the problems I had with the other little 'forget-me-not'.


----------



## radar

RcktS4 said:


> Anyone up for an 'unsavory delicacy' bombing run on Klugsie?



YES, .and he's gonna have to eat a BUG


----------



## Da Klugs

radar said:


> YES, .and he's gonna have to eat a BUG


:r Been there done that on a jet ski last weekend. Had hints of Madagascar compost but basically tasted like chicken.

I really, really hate those Greycliff crystal pirates. So if you guys want to send me a bunch I'll suffer through smoking and describing the experience in all its excruciating detail. And maybe throw in some of those absolutely disgusting Padron 26 #6 nat's to top it off. The only things I hate more are those aged Cubans... rotting vegetable matter.. uck can you think of anything more gross.


----------



## radar

Da Klugs said:


> The only things I hate more are those aged Cubans... rotting vegetable matter.. uck can you think of anything more gross.


A Cremosa.


----------



## NCRadioMan

radar said:


> A Cremosa.


or Tamboril u

:ms NCRM


----------



## RcktS4

I've got a partially smoked tamboril basting in the vat of grease my wife fries chicken in as we speak. Tonight I plan to add the contents of the drip tray beneath my air conditioner to the mix, and then tomorrow a graycliff band. Even odds says he never knows what hit 'im

I may even throw in some chocolate covered raw chitlins for ya Klugsie... wait'll you see what THAT does to the old digestive tract.


----------



## Da Klugs

RcktS4 said:


> I've got a partially smoked tamboril basting in the vat of grease my wife fries chicken in as we speak. Tonight I plan to add the contents of the drip tray beneath my air conditioner to the mix, and then tomorrow a graycliff band. Even odds says he never knows what hit 'im
> 
> I may even throw in some chocolate covered raw chitlins for ya Klugsie... wait'll you see what THAT does to the old digestive tract.


This is taking an ugly turn. Let's not shoot the messenger here. Knowledge is sometimes painfully gained. :r


----------



## galaga

Da Klugs said:


> This is taking an ugly turn. Let's not shoot the messenger here. Knowledge is sometimes painfully gained. :r


Those smoked smokes are coming back at ya, and we want pictures. :tpd: :SM


----------



## NCRadioMan

galaga said:


> Those smoked smokes are coming back at ya, and we want pictures. :tpd: :SM


Just when you thought it was safe.........smoked smokes. u

:ms NCRM


----------



## RcktS4

Da Klugs said:


> This is taking an ugly turn. Let's not shoot the messenger here. Knowledge is sometimes painfully gained. :r


 :tpd: All I know is that you weigh the same as a duck.

therefore:


----------



## galaga

RcktS4 said:


> :tpd: All I know is that you weigh the same as a duck.
> 
> therefore:


Villager: A Witch! 
All Villagers: A WITCH!

Ergo: Flamma est proxima!


----------



## Da Klugs

galaga said:


> Villager: A Witch!
> All Villagers: A WITCH!
> 
> Ergo: Flamma est proxima!


Mistress.com here I come. Adios Fellas.


----------



## DonJefe

RcktS4 said:


> :tpd: All I know is that you weigh the same as a duck.
> 
> therefore:


That's one big ass duck Raney! :r


----------



## OldDog

DonJefe said:


> That's one big ass Raney! :r


Raney you gotta remember to turn the web cam off once your little "group sessions" with the long haul truckers are over.


----------



## RcktS4

DonJefe said:


> That's one big ass duck Raney! :r


Well, he DID turn me into a newt. Or at least made my tongue taste like a newt. A newt that has been turned inside out through its colon, suffers from irritable bowel syndrome, and lives in a mayonnaise jar that has been fermenting in an old refrigerator sitting in the sun at Neverland Ranch since 1983.

A newt that, I might add, bathes irregularly at best.

Therefore:

A WITCH!


----------



## RcktS4

OldDog said:


> Raney you gotta remember to turn the web cam off once your little "group sessions" with the long haul truckers are over.


Yeah but last time I did that, you cancelled your credit card payment due to early termination of the live feed. Which reminds me - your subscription has been automatically renewed at the flat rate of $69.95 per day through 2006. The charge will appear on your credit card statement as Deliverance Entertainment Services. Thank you.


----------



## OldDog

RcktS4 said:


> Yeah I can pay $69.95 per day through 2006 as Deliverance Entertainment Services. Thank you.


No need. Just turn the damn camera off once you are finished.


----------



## RcktS4

OldDog said:


> No need. Just turn me off once you are finished.


uhh...

I think I hear my wife calling me. My female, pregnant, blonde hair, blue-eyed, wife. With breasts. Did I mention she's not a man? 'Cause she isnt.


----------



## OldDog

RcktS4 said:


> uhh...
> 
> I think I hear my wife calling me. My female, pregnant, blonde hair, blue-eyed, wife. With breasts. Did I mention she's not a man? 'Cause she isnt.


Though late in the pregnancy ususally does you just about as much good. Congraulations and best wishes.


----------



## Roger Miller"

Here is a picture of Raney vehemently trying to describe how he was violated by the witch Da Klugs with Cremosas and Tamborils -- to a largely unsympathetic crowd once they found out he was an internet **** dealer -- as Da Klugs burns in the background.

_edit: drat! the file won't upload -- maybe later, sheesh!_ 

_____
rm


----------



## RcktS4

Roger Miller" said:


> _edit: drat! the file won't upload -- maybe later, sheesh!_
> _____
> rm


:r at rm

Reminds me of the time I spent days trying to figure out what the graph you couldn't upload could possibly be of!

...anxiously awaiting the image of which you speak. I think.


----------



## OldDog

Roger Miller" said:


> Here is a picture of Raney vehemently trying to describe how he was violated by the witch Da Klugs with Cremosas and Tamborils -- to a largely unsympathetic crowd once they found out he was an internet **** dealer -- as Da Klugs burns in the background.
> 
> _edit: drat! the file won't upload -- maybe later, sheesh!_
> 
> _____
> rm


Greg, bite the bullet and learn to link.

Here is a free hosting service
http://www.imageshack.us/

It's free takes about 3 minutes to sign up. You upload your pics there. You copy the last hyperlink once its uploaded. Then here you use the insert image icon above (looks like a postcard) paaste the hyperlink and you get the inline images you see in others posts. Seems like a hassle vs uploading but it's really pretty easy and there are no CS limits on the images you can do this with.

OD


----------



## radar

I'll grab some torches, you guys get the villagers together.


----------



## Da Klugs

radar said:


> I'll grab some torches, you guys get the villagers together.


You guys are giving me the willies.


----------



## icehog3

radar said:


> I'll grab some torches, you guys get the villagers together.


I got the rope...... :hn


----------



## Lumpold

Da Klugs said:


> You guys are giving me your willies. And I love them!


You ain't having mine!
:r

Excuse me if I selectively edited out of turn or place. Sorry, It was too good to miss.


----------



## radar

radar said:


> I'll grab some torches, you guys get the villagers together.





Da Klugs said:


> You guys are giving me your willies. And I love them!


Torches, rock salt, and Ben Gay.


----------



## txmatt

radar said:


> I'll grab some torches, you guys get the villagers together.


I wil bring the tar and feathers!

Alrighty, I suffered through an inch of that cremosa and it is absolutely positively the worst cigar I have EVER smoked! That is saying *A LOT* considering the many crappy cigars I bought when I first discovered Cigarbid! I did not know something could taste so acrid and metalic simultaneously! A La O'Paree Corona I had the displeasure of smoking last year WAS previously the worst cigar I ever had... The cremosa was notably worse!

After the Cremosa I knew the Tamboril couldn't be that bad. I had previously never had the white label; but have had the displeasure of the red in the past. The white label has ben accurately described several times previously as wet cardboard. I noticed some hints of sawdust as well though.

I have had about 6 Claussen hot dill pickles trying to rid my mouth of the Cremosa flavor.... I am going to need something stronger!

You are going to get yours Mr Klugs!

-Matt-


----------



## partagaspete

All I can say is you guys are twisted.

T


----------



## RcktS4

radar said:


> Torches, and rock salt, and Ben Gay.


 OH MY!



radar said:


> Torches, and rock salt, and Ben Gay.


 OH MY!

(sing along with me..)

Follow the cremosa smell...
follow the cremosa smell...

We're off to burn the Klugsie 
The detestable Klugs of CS

If ever oh ever a fire is lit
The flaming DaKlugs should burn on it
because because because because because
because he made us smoke that putrid sh!t!

We're off to burn the Klugsie 
The detestable Klugs of CS!


----------



## Da Klugs

RcktS4 said:


> OH MY!
> 
> OH MY!
> 
> (sing along with me..)
> 
> Follow the cremosa smell...
> follow the cremosa smell...
> 
> We're off to burn the Klugsie
> The detestable Klugs of CS
> 
> If ever oh ever a fire is lit
> The flaming DaKlugs should burn on it
> because because because because because
> because he made us smoke that putrid sh!t!
> 
> We're off to burn the Klugsie
> The detestable Klugs of CS!


Glad I'm from a land far far away. Frank, Jeff and Sean can throw me in the lake to put out the flames at the Shack herf.


----------



## radar

Da Klugs said:


> Glad I'm from a land far far away. Frank, Jeff and Sean can throw me in the lake to put out the flames at the Shack herf.


You better talk to Sean, that's not how we extinguish fires here.


----------



## floydp

radar said:


> You better talk to Sean, that's not how we extinguish fires here.


 :r yeah he'll tell ya..


----------



## Da Klugs

I think that's all. (Maybe one left) 

I know no-one enjoyed the cigars but I for one enjoyed the "journey of discovery". u Maybe next time it will be the padron annie vs cohiba face-off.  Or maybe get some more of both and age them for a while?

Some very creative and funny gorillas out there. Forgot there was a contest portion of this. Anyone want to help with who's was the funniest?

It's so difficult as such good work was put in here. Please don't send me nasty cigars. Hollywood already has that covered. (J/K there were nice ones in there as well).


----------



## DonJefe

My vote would go to horrorview. That was some funny stuff!


----------



## dadof3illinois

DonJefe said:


> My vote would go to horrorview. That was some funny stuff!


I agree, horrorview had the best review. Followed close by floydp and Seangar.


----------



## mr.c

horrowview, very creative


----------



## galaga

mr.c said:


> horrowview, very creative


Ditto; go to the light Jim!


----------



## floydp

Jim for the addition of Kareem to put it over the top. All reviews were very funny. As bad as the cigars were it was still alot of fun doing this. Thanks Dave for all this sillyness..


----------



## RcktS4

I think Jim definitely had the most creative one, but I have to say that I nearly fell over reading D-gen's. Fuggin funny chit. 



...but I still think Klugs must pay.


----------



## NCRadioMan

I agree. Horror should take it! Great post! :r 




:ms NCRM


----------



## GOAT LOCKER

Man, it's tough to give it to just one, so I broke it up! I nominate:

BEST MOVIE: Horrorview
BEST SCRIPT: IceHog
BEST ACTOR: RcktS4
BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS: SeanGar

This thread was good for a lot of great laughs, thanks Dave, I think.


----------



## hungsolo

Da Klugs said:


> Or maybe get some more of both and age them for a while?


Don't do it, man. Them's fightin' werds.

:bx


----------



## Da Klugs

GOAT LOCKER said:


> Man, it's tough to give it to just one, so I broke it up! I nominate:
> 
> BEST MOVIE: Horrorview
> BEST SCRIPT: IceHog
> BEST ACTOR: RcktS4
> BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS: SeanGar
> 
> This thread was good for a lot of great laughs, thanks Dave, I think.


I agree.

Seems a shame there is only one prize.

Hey it's my contest so.. Congrats to Sean, Raney and everyone else for some really funny and appreciated input to this thread.

Jim - you were first and way over the top good. - The overall winner.

Tom - you get a consolation prize for the post most likely to cause spewed coke.

Sticks out on Monday.

Everyone who participated Thanks for smoking the dog rockets. It seemed like a group hug kind of fun activity when the thought of doing it came to mind. One of my favorite threads of all time. (Even if it turned into a Klugs bashing vigilante posse kind of thing.) Wouldn't have been nearly as fun if we were discussing the relative merits of some aged sticks from the 80's. The smoking experience would have been better.... but not the entertainment. You can buy aged sticks. Threads like this can only be given.

Thanks to all. 
Now I'm moving to Canada.


----------



## icehog3

Da Klugs said:


> Now I'm moving to Canada.


You can run Dave...but you can't hide....


----------



## cookieboy364

Sorry it took so long to post a reply Dave but I just got a chance to smoke these a few days ago. I wanted to make sure they were properly aged.

:r :r 

Well at least I won't have to worry about forgetting my asprin as I have ingested enough mold to keep me going for years. the Cremosa smelled like it had been aging in the rain forest. Yuk!!!! Of the teo the Tamboril was at least smokeable. Except that it felt like I was drawing through an empty paper towel roll. I would honestly not hand either of these out to my worst enemy.

Thanks for the extra's though Dave and including me in your taste test, or not, wait I'm not sure. Next time let's make it, Which is better PSD4 reserva or Cohiba Sublime. LOL just kidding it's all fun around here. 

Until next time.................

Jason


----------



## gabebdog1

after posting my review of these cigars and reading all of the others,I was thinking why do they keep making them, someone must like them and buy them. u


----------



## Da Klugs

Oh the Horror.. 03043490000304933106

Slaughter the Hog... 03043490000304933090


----------



## LiteHedded

ROFL!!
the devastation continues!
can't we use the patriot act to put a stop to this or something?


----------



## SeanGAR

Da Klugs said:


> Thanks to all.
> Now I'm moving to Canada.


Lord God man, you want to fit in up there you had better get with the program.

Its "Now I'm moving to Canada, eh?".

A 24-pak is a two-four.

No paper money under a 5 dollar bill anymore, a 2 dollar coin is a two-nee, a one dollar coin is a loonie,

No Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kream, you have to make do with Tim Hortons. But if you're on the east coast, you can get a McLobster in McD.

I hope you like Hockey .... you CAN skate, right?


----------



## dayplanner

SeanGAR said:


> Lord God man, you want to fit in up there you had better get with the program.
> 
> Its "Now I'm moving to Canada, eh?".
> 
> A 24-pak is a two-four.
> 
> No paper money under a 5 dollar bill anymore, a 2 dollar coin is a two-nee, a one dollar coin is a loonie,
> 
> No Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kream, you have to make do with Tim Hortons. But if you're on the east coast, you can get a McLobster in McD.
> 
> I hope you like Hockey .... you CAN skate, right?


 :r I remember my first visit to Canada. I asked for change of a five and the woman asked me if I wanted a twonee and two loonies. I just stood there with a blank look on my face thinking wth, i asked for change of a five not some looney tunes crap.


----------



## Da Klugs

SeanGAR said:


> Lord God man, you want to fit in up there you had better get with the program.
> 
> Its "Now I'm moving to Canada, eh?".
> 
> A 24-pak is a two-four.
> 
> No paper money under a 5 dollar bill anymore, a 2 dollar coin is a two-nee, a one dollar coin is a loonie,
> 
> No Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kream, you have to make do with Tim Hortons. But if you're on the east coast, you can get a McLobster in McD.
> 
> I hope you like Hockey .... you CAN skate, right?


Minor distractions. Been dreaming about tuckin bucks.


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## Lumpold

thought you guys might like this page...
http://www.whiteash.com/mall/weekly specials3.htm


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## galaga

Da Klugs said:


> Bottoms biatch. And pictures will be a must.


Alright Biatch, I'm keeping feet and I'm sending you the heads.
First blood
http://img230.echo.cx/img230/4826/1343472img0aa.jpg
One down
http://img230.echo.cx/img230/9159/1343473img5uu.jpg
Four equal flavor bombs
http://img230.echo.cx/img230/2379/1343474img6tx.jpg

Just to accent the smoky flavor, I put all four in a zip lock with a shot glass full of tequilla and let it sit for about three weeks. I'll smoke first and then I'm looking for pictures Dave. Hey, they almost smell like blueberries. You like bluesberry pie little bunny?


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## Da Klugs

galaga said:


> Alright Biatch, I'm keeping feet and I'm sending you the heads.
> First blood
> http://img230.echo.cx/img230/4826/1343472img0aa.jpg
> One down
> http://img230.echo.cx/img230/9159/1343473img5uu.jpg
> Four equal flavor bombs
> http://img230.echo.cx/img230/2379/1343474img6tx.jpg
> 
> Just to accent the smoky flavor, I put all four in a zip lock with a shot glass full of tequilla and let it sit for about three weeks. I'll smoke first and then I'm looking for pictures Dave. Hey, they almost smell like blueberries. You like bluesberry pie little bunny?


Quite the smack talker for woman folk. Real men smoked-em without the aid of smoking them.  :z


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## galaga

Da Klugs said:


> Quite the smack talker for woman folk. Real men smoked-em without the aid of smoking them.  :z


Saving it all for you. Giving you something to look forward to this week-end fluffer. 

0304 1560 0007 0867 8140

We know you can dish it out, but can you take it....


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## Da Klugs

galaga said:


> Saving it all for you. Giving you something to look forward to this week-end fluffer.
> 
> 0304 1560 0007 0867 8140
> 
> We know you can dish it out, but can you take it....


OK so now it's real. This nasty looking guy walked up to my front door in a a ragged postal uniform today. He spit on the ground and threw a package on my porch. Didn't say a word just walked away giving me the finger.

I knew Galaga's package had arrived.

The two stubs appear to be Tamboril and the left Cremosa on the right. In addition to add some "spice" to things we have some lovely acid cigars. Thanks for double packaging them you can only smell them from 4-5 feet away. Your only a giant Ahole instead of a humungous one.

I'm gonna smoke the smoked and seasoned stubs in a few with art.

And you Biatch?


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## floydp

Oh chit Rick! Thats just wrong.. :r but funny as chit..

Oh yeah congrats Dave...


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## galaga

Da Klugs said:


> ...........
> I'm gonna smoke the smoked and seasoned stubs in a few with art.
> *And what the h*ll did Art ever do to you*
> And you Biatch?
> *Tonight baby, tonight*


You gonna put those Acids in the Cuban Humi....:r 
Thanks SDMate, for trading me those Acids! (on target)


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## Da Klugs

*Galaga likes to receive*

OK so its prep time.

Figure 2 beers plus a palate cleanser. Chose an edge by Rocky Patel. Nice split lil ************.










So we are ready to rock and roll. Galaga I'm gonna get you for this.

Fired up the RP to make sure it was available for cleansing. Should have had the fire dept.


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## Da Klugs

*galaga licks monkey balls*

OK first the tamboril










Hey Not bad..










OK Im lying. Tastes like anti freeze. Rick you are a.......


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## Da Klugs

Cleanse with the RP










OK time for the Cremosa










OOOHH galaga can you read between the lines.


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## Da Klugs

*galaga's turn*

Real men can handle both










And now they are resting.










Your turn Biatch.!!!! u u


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## icehog3

Dave, you are killin' me over here!! Thanks for making my afternoon in the 97 degree heat more bearable!! :r :r


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## floydp

Man O man, that just proves you weren't the guy on the radio. :r You just made 2 of the most disgusting cigars ever made entertaining. Wish I'd thought of smoking a good strong cigar alongside the barfupalung stogies. 


Thanks Rick for creating this Kodak moment..


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## GOAT LOCKER

:r You look downright irritated when you're lighting that Cremosa!

Alright Rick, show him how it's done! Nub those stogies!


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## altbier

Mine just hit my mailbox today. I shall take the challenge mr klugs and beware, RevZack and I have a challenge for you!

Cheers!

(PS. it may have been the crappy beer you were drinking that helped aid the crap flavor of the cigars! :fu :r )


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## SDmate

galaga said:


> You gonna put those Acids in the Cuban Humi....:r
> Thanks SDMate, for trading me those Acids! (on target)


glad to help a fellow botl Rick. Klugs hope you enjoy those Acids mate.


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## SeanGAR

Dave .... you fill in all necessary paperwork required before burial?

http://filebox.vt.edu/users/okeefes/REQUESTS FOR PERMISSION TO BURY HAZARDOUS WASTE.doc


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## NCRadioMan

:r Oh my, those are the funniest pics! Drink everywhere when I saw that look while lighting the cremosa! :r 




:ms NCRM


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## galaga

:r That's sum funny chit Dave. My pictures are gonna be up Sat. I don't know if I'm gonna nub em though :r


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## SDmate

Rick you smoked those bad boys yet if not ya may want a support group by your side, at least some to call the paramedics when ya keel over from toxic shock.give me a call but be warned I won't perform CPR ,ya on ya own mate till the paramedics arrive :r


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## pnoon

SDmate said:


> Rick you smoked those bad boys yet if not ya may want a support group by your side, at least some to call the paramedics when ya keel over from toxic shock.give me a call but be warned I won't perform CPR ,ya on ya own mate till the paramedics arrive :r


This has to be one of the funniest exchanges I've seen on this board. :r

I'll join the support group but only if I can take pictures.


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## galaga

Dave, you are one nasty SOB sending out those smokes. Anyone that even smelled one should be given a medal, and anyone that smoked one after the first review should have his head examined. Personally I think the Grand Jury should be looking into this mess as a case of mass poisoning using the United States Postal Service to aid and abet a crime. Any one out there got any pull with the DA somewhere. I think we could make a federal case out of this. Smoking over hardword and three weeks of tequilla conditioning had no effect. Nastiest and most mold infected, fetid turds I never hope to see again. I'm not sure that you didn't incubate them in some biological warfare agent and was using this as a trial method of speading biolgical warfare agents.

Tools of the trade:
http://img26.echo.cx/img26/7656/1343482img0hl.jpg

Lighting up:
http://img201.echo.cx/img201/9935/1343488img1vl.jpg

Like an idiot, I smoke the other one too:
http://img201.echo.cx/img201/4826/1343498img3yk.jpg

This is the only way to smoke these, Dave wish you were here so you could take a BIG hit--SHOTGUN:
http://img201.echo.cx/img201/7725/1353503img1lw.jpg

These things aren't gonna be buried in my yard--go to the light:
http://img201.echo.cx/img201/1797/1353521img8rz.jpg

These turds have enough taste of tobacco to taint every other thing you smoke. From the reports on here, it seems to last for up to two days. Everything you smoke kind of give your taste buds little flash backs to the horror of these, and I'm being kind here, dog rockets. The Cremosa wins out though as the worst. The mold/mildew taste is overwhelming:fu

WGACA DAVE


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## floydp

Now thats a fine review Rick, but really what did you think of the Cremosa? Did you get that TWANG from smoking it? 


Wow seeing the pictures of you guys enjoying them so much sure has brought back some memories(NIGHTMARES)..


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## Da Klugs

:r 

Rick very funny. I think we got the worst of it. The pre-smoking and tequila def. does not do good things to cigars. Took me 6 cigars to finally start tasting something again.

OK so now it's over. But wait a fresh set was sent out east. What became of them?


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## galaga

Da Klugs said:


> :r
> 
> Rick very funny. I think we got the worst of it. The pre-smoking and tequila def. does not do good things to cigars. Took me 6 cigars to finally start tasting something again.
> 
> OK so now it's over. But wait a fresh set was sent out east. What became of them?


Well, whatever happens to the guys that smoke them, they can't say they didn't know what they were getting into.


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## DonJefe

That is hilarious!! Glad Dave got in on the action of suffering through these things. Great job Galaga!!


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## RumblePen

Neither, it's Camaquey! As Klugs will see himself soon enough (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, a nods as good as a wink to a blind bat)

And, I haven't forgot about my pledge to self-taste-bud-mutilation. It's just been hectic lately with extra hours at work and some other things that have happened lately, I haven't yet been able to find the time to smoke 4 awful cigars and photograph my pain.


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## RumblePen

Just wanted to add, by 4 cigars, I mean to smoke 2 Camaqueys (the dong schlong colored Rosado, and the dirt cloud producing maduro). Didn't want Klugs thinking I was calling the two habanos terrible, which he sent me in addition to the cremosa and tamboril.


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## kenstogie

I really want one of each and this is why. Maybe I won't be able to tell the difference between a Cremosa and a Torano 1959. Maybe I have been spending way to much on the devil sight. If so think of all the money I could save just buying White Owls and Swishersweets. 

Seriously  I would like one of each of these to see how far down a cigar can go. I will gladly trade 1 nice non-isom for 1 cremosa and same for the Tamboril. PM me with the addy and I'll even send my cigars first!!!


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## galaga

kenstogie said:


> I really want one of each and this is why. Maybe I won't be able to tell the difference between a Cremosa and a Torano 1959. Maybe I have been spending way to much on the devil sight. If so think of all the money I could save just buying White Owls and Swishersweets.
> 
> Seriously  I would like one of each of these to see how far down a cigar can go. I will gladly trade 1 nice non-isom for 1 cremosa and same for the Tamboril. PM me with the addy and I'll even send my cigars first!!!


Court Judge:"And Mickey, you want a divorce because Minnie is crazy....... you should stand by her in sickness and in health"

Mickey:"No, your honor, I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was #^$*&@^ Goofy"

Bury a bad yardgar in the litter box for two weeks without changing the litter, two cat minimum. Brush off the dust. = Cremosa.
Put a good yardgar in the rafters of the porch for a month and then genly wet with a spray bottle and dust with termite droppings. Let dry. = Tamboril.


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## rumballs

kenstogie said:


> I really want one of each and this is why. Maybe I won't be able to tell the difference between a Cremosa and a Torano 1959. Maybe I have been spending way to much on the devil sight. If so think of all the money I could save just buying White Owls and Swishersweets.
> 
> Seriously  I would like one of each of these to see how far down a cigar can go. I will gladly trade 1 nice non-isom for 1 cremosa and same for the Tamboril. PM me with the addy and I'll even send my cigars first!!!


I have a Cremosa I could send, but I won't accept anything in return. It would be like stealing candy from a baby...


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## kenstogie

galaga said:


> Court Judge:"And Mickey, you want a divorce because Minnie is crazy....... you should stand by her in sickness and in health"
> 
> Mickey:"No, your honor, I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was #^$*&@^ Goofy"
> 
> Bury a bad yardgar in the litter box for two weeks without changing the litter, two cat minimum. Brush off the dust. = Cremosa.
> Put a good yardgar in the rafters of the porch for a month and then genly wet with a spray bottle and dust with termite droppings. Let dry. = Tamboril.


I have a trade set up with mmblz were going to do a "blind" test. Unbanded good mixed with bad but labeled ABC or 123 so I can tell how much egg will be on my face. I will gladly return a shipment to him of course with or without a dog-rocket his choice.
BTW this is my second 200th POST woo hoo!!


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## rumballs

kenstogie said:


> I have a trade set up with mmblz were going to do a "blind" test.


0305 1720 0002 5876 6402


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## kenstogie

Mine went out today too but I am way too lazy to type all those darn numbers. MMBLZ if you dont get them send me a PM. I save the green reciepts and besides I've got plenty of stixs to send more should that be needed. Way cool thanks again.


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## galaga

kenstogie said:


> I have a trade set up with mmblz were going to do a "blind" test. Unbanded good mixed with bad but labeled ABC or 123 so I can tell how much egg will be on my face. I will gladly return a shipment to him of course with or without a dog-rocket his choice.
> BTW this is my second 200th POST woo hoo!!


Congrats on 200, you better learn Braille, you're going to be blind after your test.


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## Da Klugs

Nostalga. Found the post office reciept from the infamous mailing while doing my expenses today.

Talk about a bad cause. But the reviews were hysterical.


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## rumballs

Da Klugs said:


> Nostalga. Found the post office reciept from the infamous mailing while doing my expenses today.
> 
> Talk about a bad cause. But the reviews were hysterical.


Heh heh.
Did you see that Tamboril has come out with coffee flavored cigars?


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## cameroncouch02

I havent tried either one so I can not comment.


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## RcktS4

cameroncouch02 said:


> ...so I can not comment.


I think you just did


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## Da Klugs

RcktS4 said:


> I think you just did


 :r He's back.


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## dayplanner

RcktS4 said:


> I think you just did


 :r :r It's good to have Raney back


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## Da Klugs

Topped as a public service.

Do not buy either of these smokes. If you must buy them, don't smoke em.


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## dayplanner

What are you trying to do... Remind people of the most sick and twisted thread known to the jungle? 

You have finally hit a RG so high that even you are uncomfortable with it and are secretly hoping by reviving this vile torture test that the suckers that were involved will ding you back to a comfortable level?

After all the time it took to get the memory out of my brain and the flavor out of my mouth....

Oh the humanity... we need a "let sleeping dogs lie" emoticon


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## NCRadioMan

Franksmith said:


> What are you trying to do... Remind people of the most sick and twisted thread known to the jungle?


:tpd: I try to get away and you keep _pulling _me back in!

I don't think this was a public service at all! Klugs just wants to read more morbid reviews of these so-called cigars:r

Oh, the horror.

:ms NCRM


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## GOAT LOCKER

Da Klugs said:


> Topped as a public service.
> 
> Do not buy either of these smokes. If you must buy them, don't smoke em.


 Ya know Dave, we were talking about these at the last S.H.I.T Herf and came to the conclusion that there's no way to make tobacco taste this bad. So, you must have really soaked these cigars in cat piss! What we have here is a variation of the "bulldog creme filled donuts" from Van Wilder!

So I'm thinking you short-sold millions of shares of Cremosa stock, made a killing and spent the loot on pre-embargo cigars! Come clean Dave!

This isn't over yet! I believe Poker has a special "Vintage" Cremosa waiting for you at Socal-7, and I think we, that is those of us vilolated by your mischievous stunt, will be able to raise enough cash to ensure we have the last laugh!


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## Da Klugs

Honest from the shrink wrapped bundle to the shrink wrapped machine to your doorstep. Must have sealed in the flavors.

Don't forget i smoked the "smoked" ones from Rick.


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## galaga

GOAT LOCKER said:


> Ya know Dave, we were talking about these at the last S.H.I.T Herf and came to the conclusion that there's no way to make tobacco taste this bad. So, you must have really soaked these cigars in cat piss! What we have here is a variation of the "bulldog creme filled donuts" from Van Wilder!
> 
> So I'm thinking you short-sold millions of shares of Cremosa stock, made a killing and spent the loot on pre-embargo cigars! Come clean Dave!
> 
> This isn't over yet! I believe Poker has a special "Vintage" Cremosa waiting for you at Socal-7, and I think we, that is those of us vilolated by your mischievous stunt, will be able to raise enough cash to ensure we have the last laugh!


:tpd:

WERD!

The Patio Posse will be doing "Special" things with "your" vintage smoke, Dave
Bwahahahahahahahahah


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## Da Klugs

Always picking on me. :bx You must admit, one of the most entertaining threads. 

Club Lore requires sacrifice. :r


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## galaga

Da Klugs said:


> Always picking on me. :bx You must admit, one of the most entertaining threads.
> 
> Club Lore requires sacrifice. :r


I guess we're just gonna start calling you lamby-kins. We won't tell your icehog<3.

ps was one of the best threads "Go to the light!"


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## mike32312

*Re: The Official Tamboril vs Cremosa Cubana Poll and Comment Thread*

Stumbled across this and thought it was to funny. Wanted to bring it back to life for the noobies.


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## cigar_040

Now that's funny !!!!!!!!!


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## germantown rob

Thanks for the reminder on this...:r . I think I will go find the review on Philly Blunts now.


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## mr.c

since there is so much talk about the cremosas lately .. and im on skype ...


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## Da Klugs

Go to the light. And read this before clicking order at CI on that special.


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## iioiooioo

> Gurkhas are better than some Cubans!


I think it's because a lot of Cubans are lazy. What's a Gurkhas?


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## icehog3

iioiooioo said:


> I think it's because a lot of Cubans are lazy. *What's a Gurkhas*?


It is Nicaraguan for "turd".  :r


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## Stick

Da Klugs said:


> Topped as a public service.
> 
> Do not buy either of these smokes. If you must buy them, don't smoke em.


Bumping the locus of origination of the oft-cited Cremosa = cat piss theorem.


----------

