Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind
during your swing.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either
hit one more club or two more balls.
If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the
foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two
options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait
until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his
ideas about the golf swing.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play
worse.
The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant
elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed
you to compensate for all of your many other errors
Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.
It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt ... For a 10
on that hole.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is
like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts
It's not a gimme if you're still away.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is
a straight line that passes directly through the center of a
very large tree.
You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch
branch 90% of the time.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up
at a much earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is
actually the beginning of the next group of three.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look
down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start
watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make
two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the
universe.
If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply
try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the
speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20
mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.
One of my personal favorites:
There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing
at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many
hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
Hazards attract; fairways repel.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your
ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is
in the footprint
It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to
mow the yard
A good drive on the 18 th hole has stopped many a golfer from
giving up the game.
Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end
up having to pray a lot.
A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you
are....that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.
If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your
life.
Golf balls are like eggs They're white. They're sold by the
dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.
It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house
will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his
sand traps.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six
or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).
It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it
does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you
don't get to ride around on a cart, drink
beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are performing
Neuro-Surgery.
Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind
during your swing.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either
hit one more club or two more balls.
If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the
foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two
options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait
until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his
ideas about the golf swing.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play
worse.
The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant
elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed
you to compensate for all of your many other errors
Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.
It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt ... For a 10
on that hole.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is
like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts
It's not a gimme if you're still away.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is
a straight line that passes directly through the center of a
very large tree.
You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch
branch 90% of the time.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up
at a much earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is
actually the beginning of the next group of three.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look
down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start
watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make
two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the
universe.
If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply
try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the
speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20
mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.
One of my personal favorites:
There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing
at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many
hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
Hazards attract; fairways repel.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your
ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is
in the footprint
It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to
mow the yard
A good drive on the 18 th hole has stopped many a golfer from
giving up the game.
Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end
up having to pray a lot.
A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you
are....that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.
If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your
life.
Golf balls are like eggs They're white. They're sold by the
dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.
It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house
will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his
sand traps.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six
or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).
It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it
does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you
don't get to ride around on a cart, drink
beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are performing
Neuro-Surgery.
