This dude gets up on Saturday morning turns on the tube to watch some local college football. He notices his reception is really bad. After some adjustments on the TV, pulling on cords etc. he goes outside to look up at his old fashion antenna and sees there is a Gorilla on the roof playing with the antenna.
He runs in the house and grabs the phone book… He’s quite confused about who to call but starts thumbing through and voila… there it is Pete’s Gorilla Removal Service listed under Gorilla Removal.
He calls the number and explains there’s a gorilla on the roof and he’d like it removed ASAP. Pete asks a few questions, how high is the roof, full grown or baby gorilla… then he tells the guy give him a half an hour so he can see the end of the first half of the game and he’ll be over to remove the gorilla.
45 minutes later Pete taps the door – as it opens he says Sure enough that’s a gorilla alright… He tells the home owner to come outside and he heads back to his truck… Pete takes out a extendable ladder, a baseball bat, some hand cuffs and starts walking back towards the house…
Pete tells the home owner to hold the handcuffs… sets the ladder against the house and sets the bat down. He returns to the truck and comes back with growling poodle which he also hands to the home owner… Pete then says ope I almost forgot – returning to the truck one last time he unlocks the glove box and pulls out a .45, loads one and hands it to the home owner as well – by now the owner is getting a bit apprehensive.
Pete shores up the ladder again and picks up the bat – the owner interrupts – Hey what about these things and the dog? Pete says Oh yeah, you’ll keep each of those. The owner really apprehensive now interjects, I just want the gorilla removed I don’t want anything to do with the rest of this stuff, I don’t even know what I am supposed to do with this stuff. I don’t know anything about gorilla removal!
Pete says Relax man, it easy, I’m going to climb up on the roof and knock the gorilla down. All you have to do is take your foot off the dogs strap when you see the gorilla start to fall, in fact if you don't he'll yank you off your feet in the process. The dog is trained and will run to the gorilla and bite his balls. The gorilla’s natural instinct will be to put his hands out to try and remove the dog from his aching balls. While he’s got his hands out stretched, you’ll cuff him while I race down the ladder.
The home owners says to himself… Hmmm this guy sounds like he knows what he is talking about. But still apprehensive he asks Pete Are you certain it will unfold exactly as you describe? – which Pete replies, It happened exactly like that several hundred times before sir – several women have cuffed the gorilla before. The owners says one more question, What’s the .45 for? Pete says Ohhh yeah, that… If I should swing, miss and fall or the gorilla somehow knocks me off the roof you SHOOT THAT DAMN DOG!!
He runs in the house and grabs the phone book… He’s quite confused about who to call but starts thumbing through and voila… there it is Pete’s Gorilla Removal Service listed under Gorilla Removal.
He calls the number and explains there’s a gorilla on the roof and he’d like it removed ASAP. Pete asks a few questions, how high is the roof, full grown or baby gorilla… then he tells the guy give him a half an hour so he can see the end of the first half of the game and he’ll be over to remove the gorilla.
45 minutes later Pete taps the door – as it opens he says Sure enough that’s a gorilla alright… He tells the home owner to come outside and he heads back to his truck… Pete takes out a extendable ladder, a baseball bat, some hand cuffs and starts walking back towards the house…
Pete tells the home owner to hold the handcuffs… sets the ladder against the house and sets the bat down. He returns to the truck and comes back with growling poodle which he also hands to the home owner… Pete then says ope I almost forgot – returning to the truck one last time he unlocks the glove box and pulls out a .45, loads one and hands it to the home owner as well – by now the owner is getting a bit apprehensive.
Pete shores up the ladder again and picks up the bat – the owner interrupts – Hey what about these things and the dog? Pete says Oh yeah, you’ll keep each of those. The owner really apprehensive now interjects, I just want the gorilla removed I don’t want anything to do with the rest of this stuff, I don’t even know what I am supposed to do with this stuff. I don’t know anything about gorilla removal!
Pete says Relax man, it easy, I’m going to climb up on the roof and knock the gorilla down. All you have to do is take your foot off the dogs strap when you see the gorilla start to fall, in fact if you don't he'll yank you off your feet in the process. The dog is trained and will run to the gorilla and bite his balls. The gorilla’s natural instinct will be to put his hands out to try and remove the dog from his aching balls. While he’s got his hands out stretched, you’ll cuff him while I race down the ladder.
The home owners says to himself… Hmmm this guy sounds like he knows what he is talking about. But still apprehensive he asks Pete Are you certain it will unfold exactly as you describe? – which Pete replies, It happened exactly like that several hundred times before sir – several women have cuffed the gorilla before. The owners says one more question, What’s the .45 for? Pete says Ohhh yeah, that… If I should swing, miss and fall or the gorilla somehow knocks me off the roof you SHOOT THAT DAMN DOG!!
