stick joke (G)

S

Stickman

Joined Jan 2006
612 Posts | 0+
Florida
Self Defense

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, "If I lose this case, I shall be ruined." "It is in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" asked the defendant. "Oh no!" said the lawyer. "This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you should not even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked." "I am sure we'd have lost the case if you had sent them," said the lawyer. "But I did send them," said the defendant. "What?? You did?" "Yes, That is how we won the case." "I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card..."
:lol: :lol:
 
THIS ONE IS FOR VINCE

Throw it away!
A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying that, he open the window and throw the rest of the bottle through it. All the others are quite impressed. The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas, nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigar and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas through the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed. At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer through it...
 
Re: THIS ONE IS FOR VINCE

Stickman said:
Throw it away!
A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying that, he open the window and throw the rest of the bottle through it. All the others are quite impressed. The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas, nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigar and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas through the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed. At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer through it...
Click to expand...



I love it !! THANKS
Enjoy, Vince
 
Re: THIS ONE IS FOR VINCE

Stickman said:
Throw it away!
A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying that, he open the window and throw the rest of the bottle through it. All the others are quite impressed. The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas, nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigar and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas through the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed. At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer through it...
Click to expand...

A criminal waste of good vodka and Habana sticks. At the very least the Cuban could have given passed out a couple sticks to the American and the Russian and given the rest to the Lawyer to smuggle into the US. If we're unlucky some Americans will get to enjoy smoking a Cuban and not get caught. If we're lucky the Lawyer will get busted by customs. If we're really, really, lucky the lawyer will pass them out to thier lawyer friends and... well, lawyer population control ensues.
 
Re: THIS ONE IS FOR VINCE

Zandor said:
A criminal waste of good vodka and Habana sticks. At the very least the Cuban could have given passed out a couple sticks to the American and the Russian and given the rest to the Lawyer to smuggle into the US. If we're unlucky some Americans will get to enjoy smoking a Cuban and not get caught. If we're lucky the Lawyer will get busted by customs. If we're really, really, lucky the lawyer will pass them out to thier lawyer friends and... well, lawyer population control ensues.
Click to expand...

I will refrain from saying anything about lawyer population control , we all know what William Shakespeare had to say about them . Enjoy, Vince
 
The Scotsman's Conscience

The purchasing agent of a big jobbing concern was a Scotchman. He gave an extensive order to a salesman for a supply house. Although he had obtained the business in open competition, the salesman felt gratitude at being favored and sought a way to show it. He knew he dare not offer the Scot a commission; likewise a gift of money, he figured, would be regarded as an insult. The Scot, he noticed, constantly smoked cigars. So the salesman slipped out to a cigar store and bought a box containing fifty of the finest Havanas the tobacconist carried in stock. The price for the fifty was fifteen dollars. He brought the box back and asked the purchasing agent to accept it with his compliments. The latter explain that it was against the policy of his house for its buyers to accept presents of any sort from those with whom the concern did business. He was sorry, he said, but he could not take the cigars as a present, even though he felt sure his young friend had tendered them with the best of intentions and in absolute good faith. The salesman had another idea: "Well," he said, "I hate to throw these cigars away. They are of no use to me - I smoke only cigarettes. I wonder if you would buy them from me? - there is no harm in that, I am sure." "What would you be asking for them?" inquired the prudent Scot. "I'll sell the whole fifty to you for a nickel," stated the salesman. The purchasing agent lifted one of the cigars from the top row, smelled it, rolled it in his fingers and eyed it closely. "Very well," he said, "at that price I'll take four boxes."
 
I read this too my wife as she was doing the laundry, I am relegated to the laundry room during the reno - and we both shared a good laugh!! Thank you very much Stick, it was apreciated very much!


"I'll take four boxes then" Indeed!
 
at that price I will take a bucks worth ! hahaha Enjoy, Vince
 
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